.

2007-08-25T14:46:00.000+08:00

bored studying.

giving up on CH. fail then just fail, must STRATEGIZE already. no point getting 2 Ds for both humanities anyway.

jc OR poly.

i prefer poly route, but it's like really hard to get into local University even though it's 15% of the cohort.

i feel jc is too demanding for me.

when i told my mother about pjc open house, she asked me if i going.
when i told her about njc open house, she said "go so good school for what? also fail."
HAI.

if i go poly, i most probably have to work part-time while managing my studies to cover for my expenses.
if i go jc, i can concentrate fully on studying.

but my interest lies in that poly course...
and i have already been offered a place.
should i just continue with it OR withdraw from it?

i don't know.

if i give up that poly course now, it'll only be worth it to go to a good jc -- probably like acjc or ajc or better ones. but like what my mother said, she kinda doesn't give me full support if i go there. she rather i go pjc or jjc... which is not worth it for me to give up my place for that course!

i have only until 5th october to decide everything.

i do want to go to a local university after graduating from pre-u institution.

my mother do support me going poly. but that's because she's not educated. she doesnt understand the education system in singapore.
my father has nothing to say at all... either its jc or poly. but i understand that he wants me to do well, then its fine.

so far, 4 teachers know that i wanna go poly. out of those four, two of them are like trying to discourage me from going. then 1 of them, though didn't say much, kinda doesnt like that idea. the other one, is kinda like neutral because he/she believes that its the students' future ultimately. right now, none of them knows that i've already been offered a place.

im still deciding...

but i'll still do my best for prelims.

2007-06-04T15:27:00.000+08:00

miss lim once told me "why must it be my fault? can't it be your fault too? people always go to the extent of blaming others, but they never see anything wrong with themselves."

what she said is true, maybe i'll remember it for life. but sometimes, it's too late when people realise their fault. to me, it's okay. at least you realise it. next time, just realise it earlier. however, the sad thing is, some people never ever realise it.

this is perhaps the most meaningful thing she has ever said, or at least for the moment, cos i can't think of anything else.

"sarchasm" is so not funny! i don't like his jokes. a tiny bit is fine with me, but it's an over-dosage of lame jokes now, which is getting on my nerves. i find it rather irritating, to the extent i don't pay attention to him. i know i'm playing during his lessons, but it's not my wish to see a comedian instead of a teacher. too lame is no good.

i'm going crazy in class. laughing for no apparent reasons. i'm self-entertaining myself. maybe laughing is my way of escaping everything. i may be seen laughing non-stop in class, but it doesn't equate to me loving the class as a whole.

2007-05-17T20:29:00.000+08:00

lalalalalalalalalalalalalala~~~

what can i say? i'm just super happy for chemistry. it's my first. HAHA! xDDDDD my day rocked.
now, she has nothing to say about me talking in her lesson. for that, i was talking throughout the entire lesson today!

supposing that i didn't fail economics, but probably cannot match up to last year's standards.

happy once again to say that it's the first exam i didn't fail any subject! worst i think was CH... at least got pass. so im happy!

but on the other hand, its bad. my number of As have dropped.

but at least i managed to destroy part of the evidence of slacking.

2007-05-02T20:02:00.000+08:00

what the fuck lor!
i sat at the place where i sat is because i had no other choice. Damn it! i know it was free-seating. but 1st day of school, the class was moving in a super messy manner that terrence called us back. i was 1 of those few who had hearing sensitive enough to hear her lah. the others all scrambled to class to find fengshui seat already. by the time i got to class, there were no more totally unoccupied seats. each 2 tables connected had at least 1 people. and i know how people are like lah.. they'll probably tell me "this place is reserved for blahblahblah". you think im a stupid idiot who chose to sit there even though i am aware there are really tall guys in front of me? what great choices i had right... there were only 5 or 6 people who listened to terrence lor!
you are not the first person to talk about where i sit... many others have asked me why i chose such a seat already. and my answer is standard. typical singaporeans being kanchiong. the world is never fair to anyone okay... the fairest thing is 24h per day.

and what the hell lah.
i already told that teacher many times i cant hear her. i verbally told her right in front of the class and also one-to-one but both times, it didnt work out. yes, my brother had hearing problems since young but doesnt mean i have right. bloody hell! if i have hearing problems, i would be telling g to speak louder even though he's already so damn loud! idiots! maybe next time i shall tell him to speak louder so that the whole class can go deaf except me. if that teacher can tell me to sponsor her a mic because i suggested her using a mic, then since she suggested i go for hearing test, pay for it lah!
at least our maths teacher knows she has throat problem and doesnt let it affect the class because she chose to use a mic.

dont know why people dont like to use their real names. try writing "the reality" next to the blank space beside "Name" on your exam script. LOL! there's plenty of chances to do it now, do to your hearts' content. xD

people did things behind my back by breaking into my personal blog... yet claim to have done nothing. -.- heard of the phrase what goes around comes around? because this was where i let out my feelings, i kept it personal so not to affect anything. this person broke into my blog, so that person found out im a BACKSTABBER, like some great discovery WOW! if i didnt blog, i wonder if you were just going to pry open my brain and look at my personal thoughts... imagine if i loved someone and did some stuffs with that person and i was very happy that i posted it on my personal blog to serve as memory, then uninvited people read. there was a reason why i password-protected my blog. putting a simple password is another different reason because i trusted people not to break in.

so what if the tags are history? we are all doing history elective what? like DUH! why do we have to learn things of the past?? to learn from their mistakes lor... which i think no longer exists, but we still learn. maybe that's why i fail history lah, i have no interest in such things at all.

"cowards attract cowards" is a wrong statement. in many many cases in the real world, things which are alike repel. that's why there is population growth. however, think in another way, there are gay marriages too.. but not popular.

no one said i was mature. you were right to say im immature anyway. i havent even stepped into the corporate world or gone anywhere near there.. its only when you step into the real world and get exposed to all sorts of things, then you slowly mature. people say guys mature after NS, i havent heard about girls, perhaps they dont even mature... and our english teacher also said that JC1 students mature suddenly during the holidays, so it's perfectly normal than im immature now...

LOL! its my relationship with a teacher, why do uninvited people have to care? not like you can help solve my problem lor~~~ still care so much. why waste your time on this fucking rotting blog?

hmm.. i do speak out in class lor. or what do you mean by class? during lessons time or during class discussions? its obvious why i dont speak out during class discussions what. cos i find them boring and i already stated that i regret coming to this class. as far as my memory serves me, i remember myself voicing out any questions i had in class.. or at least in the beginning of the year, before i got that unnecessary rude stare coupled with an irritated tone of voice. plus, its not like i have a million questions to ask, thats why i dont speak out that often lor.

aiya. conflicts among countries. 1 of the reasons is difference in beliefs...

2007-04-30T19:17:00.000+08:00

why cant that person treat me as a human being? or treat me like how she treats everyone else? or give me some level of respect? i just dont understand. every single chance she gets, she has to spoil my day.

1st - incident of her saying NO I CANT loudly when i requested her to speak louder.
2nd - shooting me a rude stare & answering me in an irritated tone I SAID ITS THE LAST QUESTION ALREADY!
3rd - telling me to go for a hearing check.
4th - telling me to go out of class if i wanna continue talking.

what kind of teacher would refuse to speak louder when students cant hear? at least she could have added things like "next time i bring mic." does it hurt to say that? perhaps she's saving some saliva on me.
then, what's with the rude stare and irritated tone? i raised my hand so long and you didnt see. by the time you told me which question it was, you only added a few more sentences and you asked the class "understand?" i didnt even dare raise my hand anymore even though i dont understand. for i know, you would scold me even more, perhaps to your heart's content. knowing that i was lost in the lesson, you didnt even bother to ask check my understanding.
the 3rd incident i really dont wanna talk about it. thanks for your extremely insulting comments. i requested you to use a mic because i knew you had a throat problem after you said it. i was aware of it and didnt want it to get worse but you told me to get you a mic or go for a hearing test.
yes it was my fault for talking non-stop. but what? just cause i was the one talking, it made you so bloody pissed off you had to say "get out of the class if you wanna continue!" you have not said that to anyone before, even in 4/3. know what? if you werent even using the mic today, there was a possibility i would have just gone out of class. at least then, i will be nearer to you and hear you speak. if you nicely told me to keep quiet and not scold me and shout at me to get out of the class to continue my conversation, i would have just kept quiet and paid attention. but because you didnt, i continued talking and lost interest in your lesson that i started doing other stuffs. and it was really time well spent clearing off quite a pile of work.

you think my hobby is raising my hand in class to ask you stupid questions to interrupt your lesson? i have better things to do okay. you are my teacher, i had respect for you, i wanted to pay attention in your lesson. that's the only reason why i bothered finding out where you were at. but now, its just a thing of the past. i cant wait for the day i can change the 'are' to 'were'.
realise i no longer raise my hand during your lessons. in fact, i rarely do it in any lesson since that rude stare. if i have any questions, i'll wait till after lessons to ask mr G. maybe i was unconsciously afraid of other teachers treating me the way you did...

the reason why im even spending time on my own to study chemistry even though i have seriously been demoralised and no longer have the will to study is because of the other teacher who have helped me so much that i cant afford to disappoint her. i once aspired to take H3 chemistry. now, i only want either Chemical Engineering or Chemical Process Technology (Industrial Option). i just hope you wont make me lose all interest in chemistry.

i wasnt even looking at you in the eye when you scolded me because after all those incidents, i now have minimal level of respect for you. and also, i heard it as 'Qing Wei' and not Jing Wei.

im so happy there's no more chemistry lesson till after exams! which means a break from her for 2 complete weeks! that's seriously the best thing now... no more hell from her.

i just dont understand why she has to treat me like a piece of shit crap that's not worthy of being her student. why does she have to use every chance possible to get at me? i feel like its suffering hell sometimes, on extremely bad days.

and for all the shit she has given me, i sincerely hope and pray that there will be banding for chemistry after mid year and i wont be in her group. its just so so so bad! but i know that many people in the class like her and wants her to teach us, [if she isnt so bad and mean to me i would be fine with her teaching me too] and they'll do their best for chemistry mid year so that if there is banding, she can appeal to the principal to keep us out of it on account of our promising results.

2007-04-28T13:27:00.000+08:00

to facilitate entrance into what used to be my damn personal blog, i have decided to remove the password.

irritating people... breaking into my blog.
trying to hack into my blog is equals to doing something behind my back lah, still dare say i say bad things behind others back.

i have already mentioned that the REAL people who were allowed access here have totally no idea who i was accused to have been backstabbing. its only until people in the class started breaking in, they knew what happened in class, so they knew who i was referring to. then someone started accusing me of backstabbing. if that's your definition of backstab, let it be. this blog was where i released really personal thoughts... where few or no people understand everything. i didnt backstab you, however, if you want, come up to me and call me a backstabber all you want. its your mouth!

and for the person who claimed to have respect for me till i destroyed it myself, i conclude that your words arent exactly true. if you had respect for me, why the hell would you not respect my privacy? i didnt force you to have respect for me, you just wanted to have it... how true can your words be? remember, action always speak louder than WORDS.

and to any others who happened to read and now have a bad impression of me.. let it be, its your feelings. i didnt do anything to you to affect it anyway. rather, its more like YOU PEOPLE broke into my world.

after people who were not invited here came, and because i dont know who they are as they didnt have a proper name on the tagboard, i really dont know who to trust and who not to trust anymore. so since i cant trust as many people as before, i opened up this really personal blog to let people intrude into my personal world.

the hurt has already been done. what cure is there?
uninvited people have read my really personal and deep thoughts.
more people reading my personal stuffs makes no difference anymore.
for me, password no longer makes a difference. the reason why is obvious.

1 final thing:

IF I DIDNT RELEASE MY NEGATIVE FEELINGS ON THIS PERSONAL AND PRIVATE BLOG, I WOULDNT HAVE DISCOVERED THE TRUTH THAT UNINVITED PEOPLE ARE READING IT, RIGHT?

i have no guilty conscience.

2007-04-27T18:42:00.000+08:00

to me, TRUST is an extremely strong word.
it really takes a really big issue to destroy my trust for anyone.

even people who i have just met, i do have trust in them.
except that its the minimal level of trust.
over time, the trust gets stronger as i understand them more.

in primary school, this guy betrayed the whole group of us because he was very unhappy that he was caught for something trivial compared to what we did but we werent caught. but i still had the trust in him. for what he did, was just of criticising people in class and making fun of them sexually. the group of them were doing it secretly in lessons and only they knew. i didnt know if they did write anything bad about me but i had the trust in them. i believed that this guy reported us to the principal and teachers only because he wanted us to change for the better. we had broke the law and as a friend, all he can do to help us is only to report us. i trusted he did not just want to sabotage us. he was the one who made the group of us wake up, just in time for PSLE. im really really a changed person now. i no longer dirty the classroom on purpose, throw staples at teachers, say vulgar words loudly in class, make fun of others or "fight". i was really this kind of student in primary school. now, im not and i will never be like that again.

i TRUSTED that people who i know but were not allowed access to this blog wont break in. i never suspected that anyone will be hacking into my private blog. that was the only reason why i could happily post really personal things here. i didnt even know that there were such comments on my tagboard only until someone worthy of my trust brought it to my attention like the immediate moment she saw it. even then, i didnt start guessing wildly who it was until i came to see the nonsense. you people, who broke into my blog, had severely destroyed the trust i had in you.

dont even mention that i destroyed the trust you had in me at all. you broke the trust before i did! what rights have you to say that? even my family, even really close friends, even teachers, even strangers give me the privacy i deserve. you know what's the meaning of personal life? the Only One who knew everything about me is God. are you trying to be God? even people who i talk to frequently or occassionally but im not super close with didnt have access to this blog because it was really personal. yet people who i dont talk to often break in. who spoilt that trust first? why was the password just my name? why wasnt it something difficult to think of? i have a simple life, and i trust people not to break in here to find out about my personal stuffs. yet they chose to. TRUST is really a strong word, i hate to say that people had destroyed the trust i once had in them or people are not worthy of my trust. if people whom i have just met deserve my trust, why do people i have know for quite some time not deserve my trust?

no one lives in the ideal world. i was just naive and innocent! i was dumb and stupid. im not yet mature enough to understand the world. we study about the ideal world situation, hoping one day we attain that stage. i know now its impossible. we are all living in the harsh reality of the real world. in the ideal world, no one would have broke in here. in the real world however, there are irritating people who break in here and accuse me of being a backstabber because i chose to release my dislike of 1 person on this private blog where no one else knew i was referring to. was it wrong of me to release some negative feelings somewhere private? you mean i should do it publicly for the whole world to know? in the ideal world, only i knew i was releasing my feelings in such a manner. in the real world however, others got to discover my way to release unhappiness.

no matter how much you think i disliked you, i didnt hate you. there's a thin line of difference between those 2 words, or rather feelings. i still give you the trust you deserve. i only gave you minimal level of respect. now, its changed.

since the start of this year, i have been telling myself to hear no evil. telling myself not to take things to heart when people compared ms lim and ms liao. i still had respect for ms lim, she didnt do anything to not deserve that respect. but slowly, i showed lesser respect to her because of the way she treated me. you people call me hypocrite, backstabber and whatever... but the most insulting words still came from her. it was only because she loudly said NO I CANT when i requested for her to speak louder, gave me a rude stare and say I SAID ITS THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT when i couldnt hear her and she told me to go for a hearing check when she was the one with the throat problem that i showed lesser respect to her. i only find ms liao because im more comfortable with her and at least she doesnt treat me like some piece of shit. even though i couldnt understand, she thought of so much ways to try to make me understand. she spent hours and hours turning my C5 into A1 but i still failed to meet her expectations of me. yet, she didnt give up on me. neither did she give up on the class at all. we all knew she had to go other schools for O levels invigilations last year. when our end of year exams results were out, she didnt even scold us. she kept everything to herself. even though we were promoted to secondary 4, she still stayed for hours in the afternoon to conduct remedials for 3 different groups of people without enough rest. she didnt have to do all these. because of all these she had done for me and others, i really appreciated her. even after failing many times, she never gives up on anyone. she could even sacrifice her saturday to go outside to tutor students without any charge. although she was new and inexperienced, she does all that she can to help the students, some of whom dont even appreciate her kindness. and for people who thinks im saying good things for her just because she helps me so much that i got an A for chemistry, who said she was only for my use? she does help other students too. i only treat her the way i am treating her because she totally deserves it. someone who is so determined despite people disappointing her time and again. i really have to give it to her. i dont even have half her patience. on the first day of school this year, she was the one who really turned my day into an extremely wonderful one even though i had wanted to cry at first. she didnt have to know i was sad, but what she did for me was enough to make me happy. of course i was bothered when people compared the 2 of them, but i didnt take it to heart until i realise sometimes, people just cant stop. i slept through her lessons in term 1 but when i requested for the notes, she gave me, though not all and though she only gave me after secondary 3 mid year. if she didnt have this kind of patience, i would have been failing like others too.

i knew that during june holidays last year. a group of people said how sad i would be when someone mentioned she's not teaching anymore. but she just was not teaching 3/4 and was still taking our class. i dont know why people talked about these kinda things too. it sends me thinking, am i really overprotective of her status as a good teacher? no, i wasnt. ms lim may be experienced, but the way she teaches doesnt allow me to learn or understand the concepts. a teacher who can teach well but not be heard is as good as nothing. sitting in her lessons, sometimes, its just a waste of my time because i cant even make out her sentences.

i dont understand why people like to compare them. we dont need a so called good teacher, however you define one, to get A1. its not like good teachers have a hundred A1 to give to students while a lousy teacher only has one A1 to give to students. they are all equally qualified to teach. compare compare compare... that's what aunties always do, we shouldnt get influenced.
as students, we should just focus on studying!

what goes round comes round. you spoilt my trust for you first, so you intruded into the territory of my heart, and found out dont know what thing, and concluded i have destroyed the trust you had for me. i dont know who tagged that, but i do know who i was referring to in the past post. i didnt know that having negative feelings for someone else and releasing it on my PRIVATE blog to make myself feel the negative things are put away is considered backstabbing.

i have trust for people. dont force me to do the extremes.

on another note, thanks bcouz(? dont know what's this person doing at my blog but well... i know who it is -.-), xc, peifang, jun. throughout the times, we are still friends, still worthy of my trust, still worthy of my respect, still the closer friends who gave me the wonderful memories.

and guess what? early this morning, mdm quek came up to tell me i scored highest for physics common test! im so happy. haha, she asked if i have tuition now... another teacher expecting an A1 from me at O levels. so far, the 3rd teacher to say that to me personally. i had once unintentionally attempted to spoil the trust and respect mdm quek have for me, but she didnt care. if only everything was as simple as that...... if only everyone could live life the way she sees it... yay! i done justice to myself for physics again, i only wanna do to the best of myself, as long as i get an A for physics, it can make me go over the moon. HAHA! xP

2007-04-26T13:01:00.000+08:00

there used to be 4 people knowing this password. until an uninvited intruder came...
i have absolutely no idea when people "not allowed" access started coming.

i dont care that people are unhappy and angry or have negative feelings of me. its natural! unless you're so influenced by adam khoo workshop you go round smiling at someone who's saying bad things about you...

but the point is..........
there were some particular entries i didnt want others to see, except the 3 of you because i believe you all understand me and i can let you all know. some things are not meant to be said out... even if people who do not know i dislike them did not stumble onto this blog, they can still know that i dislike them by the way i treat them. if i do not ignore you or irritate you or whatever, well... its because im fine with you. not talking to anyone and not acknowledging others is not my way of showing dislike to others. im not the one who likes to make the first move. you dont see me going round saying 'Hi!' to everyone i know unless they say that to me. there's no need to come to my what has become a "flaming platform" to find out...

the reason why you have house keys is simple. you choose who to let in and who not to.

now that others are aware of what's going on here... its either i change password or i dont publish those posts i dont want others except the 3 of you to see, so that no one will see them, including the 3 of you.

does everyone know the existence of secrets and why it exists?
how about the existence of problems and why they exist?

things not meant to be known by others...
might have been known to them without me knowing.

i hope those people only came in on 24th or 22nd april. at least im fine with others reading those posts. if you people did read other posts, which i do not want to know if you did, then why bother tagging only when i say bad things about you? yes, it seemed rather obvious who i was saying about in the post, but you always have a choice to not acknowledge bad things about you which you think are not exactly bad.

im aware i have flamed at least 2 people from my class, including last year. but why did i choose to make this blog private and not public now? i didnt want people to know that im extremely unhappy about another person... just as simple as that. how many people exactly read that post i dont care.. how many people exactly know i am not on good terms with someone else i dont know. only 4 people were allowed to read this blog, of which i believe none would know who i was flaming unless they were in 4/2 but they werent. call me a backstabber all you want. there wasnt anyone except me supposed to know who i was referring to. it was an unexpected break-in. peifang wouldnt know who i was referring to unless she asks me, but she doesnt bother about these kinda stuffs. the other 2 wont even know who's that person if i tell them the name. im fine with people calling me backstabber in this case... considering the fact no one allowed here knew who i was referring to except me. its just like keeping something deep in my heart. i didnt mention names, except of teachers. i did give examples, but only i knew who it was all along. until people broke in and accused me of backstabbing. WHATEVER! i kept this blog private for a reason... there's always a reason for something.

in my conscious state of mind, i have never TALKED bad things about people in my class to others this year. except i talked about teachers. think about it, how few friends do i have? how many can i tell? and how much time do i spend with each of them talking? do i have to waste time telling my few friends something they dont know and expect us to be so engrossed in that conversation? even if i tell, do they understand? they dont even know what anyone did, or who's that person...

2007-04-25T17:36:00.000+08:00

hmm.. so someone "broke" into my supposedly private blog.

sounds a bit like a break-in in a house... whatever!
someone who doesnt have the "key" came in without invitation..

is it considered as invasion of privacy?

but, at least i know that i can trust the FEW friends i have.
its not because some idiot gave my password away..
more of because there are elites around.. yeah, like the Lee family in singapore.

i dont need like so many friends.. i just need a FEW trustworthy ones.
if school is keeping me busy, how would i have time to spend with a million friends?

well anyway.. what the heck is that tiny issue to affect me?

LOL! my first time in this year to like at least pass combined humanities! so im happy lah. after i calculated, i need at least 53 marks for midyear to pass SA1. hmmmmmm....... still not sure whether i should study or not. i have been so used to failing anyway. plus, i dont know the skills.

been reaching school on the dot yesterday and today... sometimes, i really feel like i've lost interest in school. i dont have the motivation to continue anymore.. but whenever i have this lousy feeling, sometimes i will be reminded of my failures in secondary 2. i really regret but there's nothing i can do to that fact anymore. i can only make use of what chances i have left. at first i thought it was a blessing i got into this class with my kind of results, last year went by pretty well. but this year, some things have changed. im starting to regret. i now feel it was dumb of me to indicate this class as 1st choice knowing that i didnt meet the entry criteria.

2007-04-24T19:33:00.000+08:00

mr G was extremely fed up with our class today.
he said some rather insulting stuffs. and that we have no responsibility. and that we let people govern us etc. anyway, its really time we deserve that. he ought to be harsher, but not by using insulting words. it was our class' fault to schedule the e math test this afternoon from 230pm when we knew there is geography make-up. just because some irresponsible lazy idiots who didnt study for the e math test which was supposedly on monday, it got pushed into tuesday. i admit i didnt study but at least i wasnt for it when they wanted to change to tuesday. but still, majority wins. then now, some genius is suggesting we report at 730am on monday again for a geography make-up if not we'll miss out. im for this idea, but i dont see how it'll work out. monday mornings teachers have their champ hours meeting. anyway, its totally fine with me if he decides to not do the make-up with us. because like as if it'll make a great difference...? and its our fault in the first place.

4/2 people... really resort to every other means for the sake of good results. bunch of cheaters & liars. cant wait for O levels to come and each go our own separate ways. fakers...

and its so stupid lah! when you ask someone something, you are of course expecting a truthful & reliable answer right. then the teacher answered your question and you argued that some other classes' teacher told them another thing. what's your problem? which class are you in? waste time just to argue about that.. im so fed up i have been saying things like "easiest way for teachers to have our time is by buying it with money." and "whatever lah.. its the other class. also not our class. argue so much then go be the other class student lah." and of course the most irritating people are those who dont work for what they want... but rather, they go round complaining.

rather bad day. only ended at like 5pm. then i took a taxi home which costed me $5.50. if latimer ended the session a tiny bit earlier, i would have saved that extra $2 charge for peak hour. and i was lugging a box full of files and tys, so heavy that the taxi driver had to use auto open and close door function because i have no hands.

now the thing is...
language exams!

2007-04-22T10:08:00.000+08:00

tons of work to be rushed today.

supposed to be doing work till 2am yesterday but instead, i slept at 9plus. sometimes, i really hate going to school so much. even just studying for that mere 1 hour, it will drain me of all energy that i have. once i get home, i only wanna sleep and do nothing else. and that's the harm saturday lessons are doing to me. coming home feeling that i have no energy left. even when sitting down, all i have to do is to close my eyes and i'll just fall asleep. every night as i wanna do my homework, i just have to sit with the homework in front of me, attempt 1 or 2 questions, and i'll find myself waking up later only to know that i have not done my work.

i think its nothing to do with studying. its the environment that im studying in. the polluted air, the really stuffy rooms and everything. even mr leong said our block is exceptionally hot. even those there are 6 fans now, the old classrooms with 4 fans are way cooler. every morning, i have vitamins from the sun during lesson time. imagine the kind of glaring light you look at, how then do you pay attention? then, when there is still sunlight on my row, people sitting directly under the fans go switch it to speed 1. WTF! why do you stupid idiots choose to sit there in the first place? rip me of my rights of a fan. and even when its at full speed, i cant feel the fan anyway. 6 fans yeah right, but the room is far too big. the most ventilated part of the classroom is the front 2 rows only. other than the fans, majority of the teachers would be using visualizer or slides. then the lights would be switched off and all you see is a figure moving about in the dark. when you're all sweating, would you even be paying attention? oh whatever. then very rarely when i feel a breeze from the window, the dust will be blew in together and i will have to get them out of my eyes. my whole worksheet would be filled with dust. then when there's rain, it's the worst part. i have to close the windows because people sitting far far away from the window claim that there are raindrops falling on them, how ridiculous! then the people sitting under the fans would be switching it to speed 1. and i'll be sweating like hell in the corner even when its raining. besides that, i'll be straining to hear what the teacher is saying because of the stupid raindrops falling. then come some teachers who would write so so so small that you cant even see it. for the sake of learning, you squint to see. with the fact that you're already sweating, the headache from your squinting makes you feel worse. been enduring all these crap in school lah. that's why all my energy is zapped out. although i hate to say it, but its true that i am one of the most disadvantaged ones in class because of where i sit. anyway, latimer said that the 4 people in my row seems to be losing out. see all the factors that are zapping every single of my energy...
- sweating during lessons
- squinting to see the words
- trying so hard to hear the teachers
- wiping away dust every morning
and there may be other human factors like irritating reps that get on my nerves. those idiots who always go "jingwei's one leh?" when piriya submits her work. what's wrong with you people? and then there'll be stupid reps who dont even announce the submission of work and in the end, i get scolded for keeping the piece of work because the rep obviously didnt say there was a need to submit it. the most irritating ones are those reps who dont collect the work just because they didnt do the work.
and then, even after a day at school, feeling sticky all over from sweating... you walk out of the school. all you ever get is polluted air and not fresh air. then, because there are only 2 bus services, students will be packed like sardines in a can on board the bus. there have been many times the bus screech to a stop and all the students will come tumbling on me because they were busy talking. its noisy and stuffy. then i get down as it reaches my stop. another traffic light to cross. i would say its more dangerous than the 1 at school okay. so far, the school there at most i have only experienced 2 cases of vehicles zooming past red lights. at my house there since beginning of this year, i have experienced it 5 or 6 times.

i wonder why mrs teo is so happy she 'clinched' the deal for this building. its not even strategic land use at all. imagine a reservoir surrounded by lots and lots of industries. then out of nowhere, you see this school called "commonwealth secondary school". its so stupid! the building is undoubtedly larger than the previous one but its too last minute. this building is so bloody boring okay except the facilities. they have study corners everywhere, but which exactly is conducive to studying? the one beside staffroom is so noisy, especially right after dismissal. then the one outside our class, i would say its only conducive in the evenings. even the library is so noisy. then the canteen would be very noisy because of those guys playing basketball. its another headache to find a place to study. then the SAC is like hell. i dont even bother going there because the lower secondary kids are totally out of their right minds. they just cant behave. and on normal CCA days, choir and band would be dispersed around the whole school building to make it more conducive for themselves at the expense of other schoolmates trying hard to study.

even the submission of a simple piece of work is such a hassle now. its really bureaucratic. must call the teacher out to collect. so irritating. then sometimes, the teacher wont be at the desk but is actually loitering inside the staffroom and the stupid teacher who picks the call just isnt bothered. then, some numbers like 138 is always engaged. i have tried it before. or some teachers, who say "i'll be out in a moment" make you wait like 5 minutes just for them to come out. the whole school system now is really really .......................

and all the events are so so so not well organized. and that's the only reason why our current batch is suffering like hell now. putting up with the stupid environment and the juniors who are making a fool out of themselves in the library everyday. that's also why we have to go back for saturday lessons when the government has announced 5 day work week. its really poor organization. and even with 6 days of schooling with extra lessons after school in place of remedials and CCAs, we are still slow compared to the previous secondary 4 batch. i think mrs teo really ought to look into this matter and stop telling us to move into band 1. it takes 2 hands to clap.

anyway, i pity the other levels because they have more time to spend in the school than us. but perhaps by the time we leave, it may be a little bit better for them.

what's the use of a reservoir? people say got view. but??? with polluted air.

2007-04-20T22:47:00.000+08:00

im so so so so so sad now!
why didnt you go to school today?
is it another drama? drama syf is over already...
WHY? its always like that. is it just fate?

i kept turning to 2/7 to look for you...
time just passed so slowly at that moment.
then, i was searching for you while going back to class.
i still couldnt find you, but i didnt give up.
i told myself that i can still see you in 3/3 later.
BUT the fact is... i didnt have the chance.

i added you on friendster, but you have yet to accept.
somehow, i have this strong feeling...
that you'll approve me as friend after tomorrow.
then the logo will be gone.. it's just once in a year. HAI!

why must such things always happen between us?

sometimes, i really have the fear.
the fear of not doing well for chemistry O levels.
no, i dont wanna disappoint you!
im just afraid.. afraid that history will repeat once again.

i remember in secondary 2... every fortnight or so, i'll sit down with mrs catherine yeo for consultation for english paper 1. i cant remember exactly how this thing started between us. then we'll go thru it together and as time passed, i slowly improved, all thanks to her. but when it was the time for me to show it all, i did the worst i've ever done. i wrote out of point for my essay. i screwed my entire paper. she told me that the moderators wanted to give me a score of something like 6 to 8 out of 30.

i dont want another drama. i just wanna get that A1. i wanna let you know how much you mean to me. but i just have this fear that history will repeat. what if i dont do up to your expectations? how will i face you again? do i even have the courage to apologize to you then? will you then be able to accept my gratitude for you? i dont know. neither of us have the answer to these questions. but i really hope and pray that there wont come such a day.

i still remember secondary 3 MYE. you asked me about the paper. you asked if i did that question. i dreamt that i got 76 for my chemistry paper. but... i know it wont happen, because it's upon 70marks. however, when rounded up, i did get 76% for my MYE. BUT... you marked wrong. im sorry i made you happy that there was at least an A1 in the class but it was just a mistake. im sorry all that i could ever have achieved was an A2.
i still remember secondary 3 EOY. you asked if i could get A1? on the day you returned, you were very lifeless and "cold". when you returned the OTAS, maybe you didnt mean what you were saying. im sorry for raising up your hopes but crushing them all once again. your "good" didnt sound too convincing. im really sorry, it was supposed to be an A1. i did not perform up to your expectations of me.
but even after all these, you still dont give up on me. you're still helping me. you're just so good. you're not teaching the class anymore. you do not have to help me. but you're still helping... even though im not performing to your expectations. i feel guilty.

first day of school i was very sad. but you told me i can still continue to find you. you helped me so much, i could see that you were really trying so hard to make me understand exo and endo reactions.

i still remember the day i told you that you were my idol. you put your arm around me and patted my shoulder. no, it wasnt meant to be a forfeit. im not sure if you got it yet. but you were just so good to me. i dont know how to describe it. when you patted me, i felt like you were comforting me or something. did you know it was not a forfeit? i actually meant what i say.

chemistry MYE falls on the same day as chemistry spa skill 3 assessment for o levels. i just wanna say sorry if i cant get that A1 for MYE for me, and more importantly, for you. but i really have to prioritise, the spa assessment is more important. its for o levels. in the event if i do not do well for MYE, im really really sorry but i make sure that i do my spa skill 3 proper.

im really thankful to you. you have been helping me with no conditions at all. i will not disappoint you further. i know... i know that you have been having a good time this year with all your classes and without 4/2, i want you to continue being happy.

there's still 6 more months. im willing to change. im willing to stop slacking. i will work hard for the A1. i know its still a long journey to go... i will persevere. i will never fail chemistry again. im sorry for my attitude towards chemistry. im sorry i failed the test. im sorry that i dont even bother to attempt the questions. im sorry that i give up so easily. i just hope you can forgive me, i'll really change my attitude towards chemistry.

2007-04-19T21:15:00.001+08:00

think today is among the better days i had.
LOL! because i was actually doing work while enjoying myself and also eating enough. how long have i been unable to do these stuffs together in a single day?

1 strange thing i realised about the singapore education system.
everyone has to report to school early in the morning. MOE disrupt students' sleep. then go to school, majority of the lessons in the classroom, you'll realise that the front row lights are switched off. it isnt the students' fault when they fall asleep in class okay. why singaporeans get myopia? simply because of trying to save electricity...

gotta like rush out my stupid chinese letter writing tonight. it was supposed to be due yesterday but i escaped it. other than that, i only have the accumulated stack of physics and amaths worksheet and chemistry mye 2006 P2, so it isnt too bad. i completed P1 during physics lesson. weekends will be super busy, gotta clear the accumulated work & complete all the mindmap assignments.

finally, or at least i think tomorrow afternoon will be free. so far, no activities. margaret didnt say anything about maths make-up. HAHA! hopefully tomorrow will be a nice day.

saturday there's english from 930am to 12pm in the auditorium. more post-mortems for all the past exercises. and i still have a stack of english corrections to be done by monday.

monday is gonna be damn taxing. early in the morning, we have physics common test. topics tested is more or less covering the topics for mid year exam. then 1pm got MT mock exam again. after mock exam, e maths common test. its really so packed, no break at all. test & test non-stop. monday already got 3. then tuesday got chemistry spa skill 3 test again. wednesday so far nothing yet. thursday MT midyears. friday english midyears. there goes the whole of next week, burdened with tests & exam papers. my life is so screwed up.

kind of like good news! mr G has sent the geography notes for printing. so it means we'll get it before midyears! initially, he only wanted to give us after midyears because he wanted us to be self-reliant and make our own notes.

i said "clash of the science teachers!" right in front of ms lim today.

during english remedial today i was like so malu lah. talk too much already & too loud. i was imitating all our teachers lah. then suddenly adelaine turned back to look in my direction... so i tried not to talk too much even though i failed. sometimes, im really gaining some weird stares in class. but well, there are times i didnt even do anything and people turn to stare at me then went smiling at me after a while. freaky!

holy shit! my partner was caught for not paying attention during chemistry lesson today and the frog flared up because my partner couldnt answer her question and i was telling my partner the answer. what's her problem? people come into class late she also never threw tempers... only call them stand outside. HAHA! she never dares to call me during lessons. because she knows i know the answers to her questions. at least i know what she is teaching when i talk okay... even though i cant hear her. read up on my own lah! so simple.

the word "stress" somehow still doesnt exist in my life at this point of time. i know many people keep complaining about stress and whatever. i may be feeling it actually. its not that im not aware of me being stressed. rather, im too busy to think that im stressed to actually go feel the stress. no matter at which stage of life you're at, stress always exists. its just how you deal with it. when you were young, you do something which you consider difficult, people many years older would scold you for being stupid because you dont know how to do. those people scolding you feels that you have no stress because the task you're doing is so simple to them, but they feel they have the stress because as compared to someone younger than them, they have something more difficult to juggle. so what's stress? who cares about stress? the more you care about it, the more setbacks you're gonna face anyway. if people are really that busy, there's no time to feel the stress at all. stress is always there, whether you feel stressed or happy, its up to you to decide, decide which is better for you.

2007-04-19T21:15:00.000+08:00

2007-04-18T16:36:00.001+08:00

today i COULD hear ms lim ~~speak~~scold! what the heck.. i also dont know what happened. after our SPA skill 3 test, she suddenly shouted "SIT UP & PAY ATTENTION!" well i initially thought she said stand up... but nevermind that's out of point. we all did as instructed. then she asked what are the appropriate conducts when a test is in progress? and she started ~~talking~~shouting more nonsense. that we were chatting during the test, we were smiling at each other etc. WHATEVER! she knows all these... but does she know that someone cheated not by talking or smiling? fuck. she doesnt know. and there she's saying we're trying to cheat by chatting and smiling. after talking to us about integrity & the singapore education system, she went to talk about our tests. she said most of us are L0 or L1 because of all the small mistakes we made accumulated. and she was damn bloody angry when she said all these things. like blood pressure shot up. she said she went through in class, and if we studied or paid attention in class, why are we getting such easy things wrong. WTH! what's wrong with her.. she didnt mention names. but she was obviously referring to me lah. say what got people write SPOONFUL, and when she taught us such phrasing. stare at me somemore! i didnt write spoonful, i wrote spatula full. yes, at first i thought it was supposed to be measured in grams what, but then it's like how you measure 1g of powdered things? you go measure 1g of powdered substances using an electronic mass balance for me to see lah! plus it is used as catalyst what.. so i suppose 1g is enough because i only used 5cmcube of H2O2. then what? you expect me to measure 5g and waste that much catalyst just for 5cmcube of H2O2? so i was misled and wrote spatula full instead lah. but what the heck. how can she scold us just for that? we only have like 1 or 2 chemistry spa skill 3 practice besides those 2 from study camp okay! and know what? she only taught us the skill properly because she wanted to test this. damn it lah, what's wrong with you? physics we have 11 practices already okay... mdm quek should be the one rambling at us for getting this and that wrong. she give us so few practices then start judging us already. i now wrong better than wrong at O levels right? HUH? i now correct doesnt mean i O levels 100% sure get it correct again what. i wrong, maybe i have the chance to learn from the mistake, can? then still say what she doing her best to help us get distinctions for chemistry at O levels. she said our spa skill 1 and skill 2 very bad, so its not too late now that she come and help us in skill 3 so that our skill 3 marks can help us cover up for skills 1 and 2. like real lah, you think i stupid fool is it? if our skills 1 and 2 THAT bad, at least those 2 can retest one ok. its just that the bloody chemistry teachers lazy only lah. say until ms liao so stupid and ms lim so smart like that. what the heck you getting at? cos almost whole class fail chemistry last year, ms liao is stupid. i didnt know got such things one. then what? how about cos more than half of our class had to meet principal regarding term 1 results, means lianglu very stupid CM also lah? fuckyou lah. you think you and your 5/1 very good lah? yeah lah, you smart until take the 1st class in secondary 5. somemore, where got teachers during test go talk to students one. go point out their mistakes during test somemore... best teacher ever lah. you do that in front of ME and you still dare to stare at me when you are talking about our conduct during the test. then after talking about the small tiny mistakes we made, she went to the most important and serious issue. she ~~said~~shouted this: WHY DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE TO CHANGE TEACHERS? WHY IS THERE A NEED FOR THE SCHOOL TO CHANGE TEACHERS? IF YOU ARE ON MY SIDE, I ASSURE YOU THE DISTINCTION FOR O LEVELS. IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO BE ON MY SIDE, THEN BE IT LAH. YOU CAN STUDY ON YOUR OWN, DONT MAKE ME WASTE MY TIME ON YOU. staring at me, she starting shouting this: I KNOW SOME OF YOU ARE SMART. BUT SMART DOESNT MEAN YOU'LL GET DISTINCTION FOR O LEVELS. IN FACT, MANY STUDENTS WHO GET DISTINCTIONS ARE THOSE WHO USUALLY FAIL. THEY STRUGGLE TO GET IT. what the heck she getting at? one, im not smart lah, you ass. two, so what if people are smart? you got something against smart people? trying to curse them not to get their distinctions right... third, why are you fixing your eyes on me? then she continued: IM A VERY OPEN PERSON. IF YOU DONT LIKE THE WAY I TEACH, COME UP WITH A FEW SUGGESTIONS SO I CAN TEACH BETTER. IF YOU DONT LIKE ME TO TEACH YOU, JUST WRITE A LETTER SO THAT I CAN LEAVE YOU ALONE. I HAVE NO PROBLEMS WITH IT, IM VERY OPEN. BUT THE PROBLEM IS, DO YOU HAVE THE COURAGE? stare at me somemore lah. you got eye problem is it? must keep staring at 1 particular person one.

from all that she had shouted, i have a hunch it is because i went to consult ms liao instead of her. but what to do? which idiotic stupid student would go consult a teacher who cannot be heard by the student? and yesterday, i saw with my own 2 eyes, she was carrying her mic back from somewhere to the staffroom. now, what's the problem? the mic not compatible in class 4/2 is it? she teach i cannot hear, scold i can hear clearly. and even better, during the test she made changes to a statement in the question paper, i didnt even hear her say.
i also dont understand how she scold until that part about changing teachers and her being open... from test conduct to test mistakes, can JUMP to talking about teachers. [now i know why i fail standing broad jump.]

anyway, im not drawing any conclusion from this scolding which made us late for assembly. if she is hinting at something and since she is SO OPEN, i suppose that she will not beat about the bush. i believe that if she has something against me, she will come straight up to me and let me know. so because she hasnt done that, i find nothing wrong currently.

2007-04-17T17:30:00.000+08:00

ahh! gastrics again now.. currently at JRL.
bad bad bad. only managed to eat some chips at 4plus.

yesterday's common test was bad too.
i studied! but i couldnt do part B.

margaret didnt come again today.
so free period again, but i had to go for english!
GRR! but it was fun anyway...

hmm...
so so so busy nowadays.
gotta rush off soon, supposed to be meeting my mother at JEC at 5.35pm.

actually came library wanted to use heymath review lower sec stuffs.
then realise they dont have it now. WTH!
what for i pay so much for heymath. waste my money.

think im having my MT oral tomorrow.
and then have chemistry SPA skill 3 test during remedial slot.

saturday got english make-up again.
thursday have english remedial.
hopefully friday im free to come library to use computer.
BLAH!!!

many physics work. all piling up like amaths ws like that.
quek gone crazy. give us 3 to 4 worksheets per lesson.
how to finish...

im late for meeting my mother.
'gotta rush off'

2007-04-15T02:48:00.000+08:00

by right, it is sunday now. hopefully wont rain.
not like it will affect me anyway... -.-

so the econs project was a success! it was very fun.
though it was supposed to be 150 minutes, we used 300 minutes.
LOL! but i enjoyed it thoroughly.
teachers have no more milo to drink. we finished all of them on their behalf.
many people started eating milo, i didnt, cos i didnt feel like it.
and G gave the strange look like "milo.. eat it? eww!" that kinda face.
hasnt he eaten milo powder before? weird eccentric guy.

so unfair. we were 2nd group to present.
everytime meet up, we are last group.
then wait for him so long till others all go back.
final presentation he make us 2nd group.
but it all went quite well, except we used too little time.
but many groups used too much time anyway -.-

how i wish i can sit beside cassandra in class..
its like we can joke together but we know when to get serious.
but with piriya, we only know how to joke non-stop.
everytime i try to pay attention, she'll try distracting me by her doodlings or irrelevant stuffs and asking irrelevant questions.
its fine anyway, i've been through this last year.

we were dismissed at 1pm finally.
some of them left at 12plus for something else.
was so damn hungry lah.. till my gastrics were starting to act.
actually i had so many questions to ask...
but i only asked 1. all the others dont know how phrase.
throughout the presentations, i kept asking cassandra this and that.
LOL! well.. cause the groups were contradicting what.
like eg Co-operatives put consumers as top priority. and Co-operatives give special discount for their members. so they trying to say no discount = top priority? but its common-sensical lah.

reached home. ate till 2plus. then i fell asleep on the sofa.
my father came home at 3plus. then i cleared up and went to my room to sleep.
finally woke up at 6plus and had dinner only at 9pm.
now im doing WORK!

finished editing the logo already.
finished physics spa skill 3 ws 9 also.
finished physics tys 4.2 mcq already.
so im left with physics tys 4.3 mcq, electric shock ws and amaths tys.
then have to revise for history CT and do mindmaps too!
i make sure i pass history CT this time. though its SEQ...

but ms lim really bias what.. never give me smiley face.
LOL! -.-

2007-04-13T19:30:00.000+08:00

13 more days to mid year!
and im glad to announce i have not started revision.
think might as well dont revise at all...

hmm... what to say?
my bigcouz last minute again today. yesterday last minute sms me say she no longer in school. today last minute tell me she got meeting. so i ended up staying till quite late. then keropi saw me with her, and i smiled to keropi. xD she's clear of how she treats me in class. THANKS so much. oh yes, my bigcouz was walking up the stairs with keropi! omg. wonder what they talked about. then i anyhow tell her keropi bias cause she asked me why she have that worksheet and i dont have. so bad! but i said jokingly lah.. then i said i didnt say she bias lah. HAHA! and to make her stay longer with us, i kept saying 'thinking... still thinking...'
HAIYO! she fell for my trick. told her that her 'that thing' is wet and she still going to touch it. then she ask what thing? so fun...

and IP survey today. i did maths, chemistry, comb hum & economics. then for maths, i put a smiley face and wrote 'Good!' like as if i am a teacher. for chemistry, i put a frowning face and nothing else. i cant write anything lah... will be so obvious the moment i start mentioning about mic.

tomorrow economics project presentation. its like another IPW kinda thing for us. its from last year holidays start researching, till this year then submit final product. still need do evaluation for other groups. totally like IPW. plus, still have oral presentation. and still meet-up with teacher. after tomorrow, i can leave the "derrick has done everything and what are we supposed to do? how?" feeling aside. but first, we'll have to start by reporting half an hour earlier than others to rehearse our oral presentation. because we haven't rehearse it yet. and it is supposed to take min 9min 45 sec and max 10min, or else you have bad grades. so its kinda difficult to either drag for that long or keep it that short. especially when our group research is entirely done by our leader and the rest of us knows nothing. and our group's presentation is really short. we only have like 5 slides currently.

been acting crazy in class recently. with the mountain fresh water crap, the crunchiness of it, the famous amos smell of the water, how i get up at 5am just to get the mountain fresh water etc. it all came about when i was trying hard to tempt mr G to drink water in class but instead, i over-succeeded to the extent he left his bottle in our class. also the pen cap rubbish, trying to be professional, the name tag thing etc... just getting crazier and crazier lah. last year was the invisible notes trick.
[oh yes! just now bigcouz say "you get a clearer picture?" i actually wanted to say "huh? where got picture?" but felt it was too off for the atmosphere.]

next monday is history common test. so far this year, i have not passed any combined humanities test yet. i studied and wrote all i could for the latest history class test but i got like 3 or 4 out of 12 or 13. it just sounds so depressing at times. i think its just problems with my answering skills. LOL!

HAIX.. i just wish mid years can come and pass quickly. and SPA skill 3 will be over quickly. and MT O levels will be over quickly. keropi told us our SPA skills 1 & 2 no one full marks. but i thought it was quite hard to get full anyway. for physics, what quek ever said is that we all did quite well, if continue on, can get A1 for physics. how true her words are, i am not sure, because our school dont do exactly well in physics at Os.

NAPFA is over. 1 thing cleared. but i have to go for retest for my standing broad jump. cant jump as far as the frog can. tomorrow over and another thing cleared. i'll really edit the logo tomorrow and clear another thing. hopefully, i can get on with revisions for mid-years.

2007-04-12T16:30:00.000+08:00

IM DAMN FUCKING PISSED OFF!

i dont care about the chemistry common test. the thing is actually i 'vomitted' out everything from her so-called MODEL O LEVEL ANSWERS and you know what? all of those i am short of 1 mark to get full for the question. MODEL O LEVEL ANSWERS lah.. model somemore lah.. go do catwalk lah. damn ass frog! MODEL LOR! i not only lost marks, but the most important thing is that i lost my skills of phrasing answers. cant she just let me learn on my own? im not a 3 year old toddler, i dont need you to spoonfeed me with answers. last year, i could do way better with my own phrasing. now, you made me lost the skill of phrasing. that's the only thing i wanna thank you for! bloody asshole.

that one above is just a 0.01% contributing to why im angry. its not significant at all.

the real reason is that she TOLD ME TO GO FOR A HEARING TEST! fuck her man. in primary school, i've been living hell with teachers & the principal but know what? this is the MOST INSULTING COMMENT i ever received from a teacher. who does she think she is? very big lah. malnutritioned jackass! its so not funny okay. i didnt scrutinize her for her throat problem... i just suggested her using mic. i didnt mention anything about her throat problem at all and she told me to go hearing test. im so bloody pissed off! even when i was in primary school, even when i steal, people never said such insulting things to me. even when i broke the law, no one ever said such insulting things to me. what they say might be a bit insulting, definitely not any insulting than what she said to me, but WTH! they said it only because i broke the law. now, she's saying such insulting things to me when i did no wrong. ENOUGH of the shit. she's been treating me like a piece of crap. 1 thing i have to say is, my brother has hearing problems since young, but i DO NOT. however, its SHE who have the throat problem and refuses to use the mic. i WILL never ever acknowledge her as my chemistry teacher! she's not anyone who exists in my life. why the heck must she take every single available opportunity to insult me? plus, its not only I who complain of not hearing her. i really really really give up this stupid 'argument' thing. i will never ever talk to her again. the last time i said it, i didnt keep my word. this time, i make sure i keep my word. its not worth my time talking to someone who has throat problem. even qi'en, she tries to use sign language which i can understand. and i can tell that qi'en's throat problem is maybe a million times worst than ms lim's. and for tomorrow's lesson, i have already planned with piriya to move all the way to the front to ensure that we hear her, loudly and clearly.

this blog, i've treated it as a personal space already, at least temporarily. that's why i locked it up and only a few of you have the access here. im not making it public because im posting really negative comments about teachers who are getting on my nerves, and its not supposed to be publicized. that's only what I think of her... and its not meant to be affecting any others' perspectives of her.

WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS. HOW YOU TREAT ME WILL BE HOW I TREAT YOU IN RETURN. that's all i have to say... its reciprocal.

2007-04-11T20:08:00.000+08:00

hmm..
from this week on, it will be 6-day school week for 4/2!
im not very happy lah, its depriving me of living my life, but what can i do? just grit my teeth & bear with it. GRR! thanks mrs teo for putting it on our batch to move the school to band 1 for express stream.
and even before many other pupils from our class step down from their respective CCAs, teachers are 'booking' us on tuesdays already.
high demand + low supply = mismatch of demand & supply which results in long waiting times.

i passed my a maths common test.
WTH! there were only 2 survivors in our class.
initially, i got back my script, i was like "damn! yes i know my standard's been dropping like asteriods from space to earth". but even when i knew i was the rare ones in class who passed, i still felt the same. cos im supposed to be doing to my best & not to others' best what.. im living for myself & not for others. so why compare? waste time only.

waliao! dont know what's wrong with latimer.
i DID talk during her lesson, but she went "JINGWEI! ...... PIRIYA! Stop it. Enough!" like some time after we talked? or is it that she has slow reaction? i just finished drinking water and she shouted my name. at first, we were both swatting flies. but cant blame what, its natural response. imagine this big fly buzzing in front of you, you'll just shoo until it goes away. then she stared at us. but seriously, i've already encountered 4 spiders in my area since start of school. somemore still got white spider. my that area really has lots of different insects, great for biologists lah! whatever... i'll SHUT my mouth up in english lessons from now on. i'll bear with it.

1 good thing. my dear chemistry teacher has started using mic in class. thank god! just in time before we do the IP survey and before anyone gets the chance to complain of not hearing a teacher teach... wonder how much of her life savings went to investing in the mic.

today physics remedial that teacher is so funny. say i want to cheat him... he's quite good lah. i would prefer him to mdm quek. HAHA! and he said i gave the "please dont eat me up!" look. after that, peifang said its rather true because i was showing a really innocent look. ooh! interesting...

i want keropi to return us the chemistry common test papers. im anxious to know how i did. HAHA! cos i stayed late to study for it. and made such a comprehensive mindmap somemore. so of course, after all the hard work, im expecting good results lah. LOL!

was so crazy today. especially during economics lesson. omg! i wonder what G is ever teaching. perry asked him what he meant by the 4th point on the slide and he said just leave it out, if dont understand then dont write in your answers. WOW! and you know what? the only conclusion i came to was that G was talking about everything else except the points on the slide. he's such a smart guy lah. oh yes... then the both of us started tempting G to drink water, but as usual, he took his bottle, opened it, talked, closed it, then put it back on the table. and we also put pen caps in our pockets trying to look professional as if there were pens in our pockets. and we took photos of our professionalism. xP

i think im really those kind of student who just cant sit still and listen during lesson. DAMN it! i just have to make myself occupied with something else all the time. except when i just entered the class last year and sat beside joanna, all other times, i have been talking during lessons. as in the case for last year, i was occupied with sleeping rather than talking. then the more i talk, i get used to it and do it more often. its really just a matter of time before people will know me as being noisy in class when lessons are going on. BLAH! i shall do my best to keep quiet. wth! didnt know i was such a fast student. even before margaret taught us, i've already done the work. =.= even before G taught us, i already know what it is. so amazing!

and another interesting thing about me. i dont like to do work given by teacher... so that's why im found to be rushing work in class at times. but the thing i do is that when i feel like it, i'll do whatever work i want that is not assigned by the teachers. as long as its homework by teacher, i'll leave it aside, i'll just do what i want to. LOL! maybe that explains why im "fast" and always end up having nothing to do during maths lessons.

HAI... tomorrow gonna find bigcouz le.

2007-04-08T18:19:00.000+08:00

i just checked the flight schedule at the website.
yay! my parents are returning today.
their flight is scheduled to land at 2335h.
hmm.. i guess they're probably on their way to hanoi airport now.
then after all the procedures, they should be back home around 1am, i hope. xD

maybe i'll stay up to wait for them to come back.
HAHA! monday lessons are not too taxing anyway.
and that's what i do every sunday night.
stay up late to study for monday common test.
but tomorrow is just mother tongue, so its not too bad afterall.

i would have gone to send them off last thursday if i could make it in time.
but then too bad we were discussing about our logo.
plus, i was the stupid dodo who suggested to do it on thursday.
so i couldnt cancel it off just to go send my parents off.
nevermind, i shall go the budget terminal some other time.
to see how different it is from the 2 other terminals.
i havent been there yet. HAHA!

wonder what they'll bring back with them... LOL!

for the past few days, we've only been communicating through sms.

been spending the past 3 days trying to complete my whole mindmap assignment in vain. im still left with many many more to go. its hard to complete all by this week, but im sure i can do it. because once again, im the dumb person who set the deadline as any day this week. so yes... so much for my intelligence used in the wrong way.

and i still have many homework to be done. gosh... so many things to do. but well, i like it. i like to be kept so so so busy. at least i wont laze around then realise i've done nothing productive.

18 more days to MYE 2007.
i havent started revision yet...
probably gonna mug like crazy.
but i cant afford to fall sick during the exam period again.

and yes, 2 more weeks till we step down from CCA!
so more slacking to go... and im done with art club. xD

great! there's no more stupid occassions or events to disrupt our lessons anymore. so i think it's gonna be intense lessons or crash courses from tomorrow onwards... just for the mid year. everyone wants to do well right? who doesnt want to do well?

once again, our english mid year is super hard. its confirmed, especially when it is teachers like latimer and anba saying it, there's no doubt, no queries, its 100% hard. prepare to die again, but i gotta get at least C5 to maintain my standard. cant afford failing again because then, i'll fail overall MYE. oh yes, anyway, i failed my common test with 34% again. its exactly the same as last year. what the heck! history repeating itself.

2007-04-07T11:52:00.000+08:00

my parents are so cute!
they sms-ed me last night.
i was laughing cos i thought it was funny.
but it still feels nice to receive an sms when they're overseas.

did some mindmaps yesterday.
but i still have much more to go on.
19 more days to MYE...

again, lots of work to be done this weekend.
its always the results of piling up work during weekdays.

designed the logo the whole afternoon yesterday.
only did my work at night.
but it feels good to do so much things.

today have to do chemistry TYS homework.
experimental chemistry mindmap.
physics mindmaps.

there's still many more mindmaps to do.
HAIYO!

oh yeah!
i just found out something...
that lixin is from the School of Chemical & Biomolecular Engineering in NTU!!!
so cool. all the 'li-something' april babies. HAHA!

i realised NTU is like very what..
even if diploma in CBE, cannot go SCBE.
only diploma in chemical engineering can go SCBE.
and somemore, dont have direct start from 2nd year.
NUS is much much better.
can get up to 40MCs for the modules if got diploma.
but then... poly to U is very hard, though possible.
still, i wanna go poly! many people from 4/2 wanna go JC though.
but like i care? i dont like most people in the class.

borrowed 2 books from library.
one is "Dozen of Cousins" the other is about population policies in singapore.
both are quite interesting actually.

im staying home for the 3 day holiday.
cos no one wants to go out.
nevermind, got time do more work. LOL!

hope monday can go home early, at like 3plus.
cos my mother not working.
& i can see her for like after 4 days?
i wonder what they'll bring back from hanoi.

HAI. my brother is super good to me.
during the 3 days of adam khoo, i get home so late & tired.
i just bathe & sleep. but without fail, he'll try to make me laugh each night.
but because i was so tired, i ignore him and scold him. yet he didnt mind.
and he bought so much food for dinner last night.
its really nice to have a brother like that, though he used to be damn irritating last time.

i shall get on to CHEMISTRY TYS!
though i dont like the teacher, i wont let it affect my results.

2007-04-04T19:35:00.000+08:00

yes! we were the 1st today. i hope she will remember this.
its so fun. just to get the little things done kept me busy...
but its all worth it! the feeling is just so great.. (:

must wish her happy birthday tomorrow @ turf city!

went to meeting room again. 2nd time already. xP
14 april need go back school for economics project presentation.

NAPFA 5 stations today. i failed 1 station.
standing broad jump, short of 7cm.

this morning so coincidental. the moment i saw one altis drive past, then saw her walking out. its really fate. altis is such a common car, and it just had to be her...

chemistry remedial was a waste of my time, seriously! even if last year remedial she didnt come, we were given worksheets or tys to do. but for 2 consecutive remedials, we had stayed back just to do chemistry filing. what useful remedials! we could have done it at home right?
whatever! she's really 1 irritating chap. treat me like im invisible in class but when i was stepping out of class, she called me back in. it just sucks you know! i told her bye and she ignored my presence and she called me back in. what the heck? and i had to answer her bloody question before i could leave when others dont even need to. i really dont know what she has against me. whether it concerns ms liao or not, i dont care. if she did all these because of me and ms liao, then it only shows that she's jealous over some stupid matters. bloody hell! i dont use her formula, but i do remember them just in case. i've been provided with the formula last year by ms liao and i've been using it since. you expect me to change just cause you feel you're better than her? at least i was able to tell you the formula means i pay attention in your class even though you know i cant hear you. i really cant take all these crap.
i've already given up listening in her lessons now. i know i used to talk during her lessons & doze off unintentionally, its my fault. at least i made the effort to change my attitude towards her, but maybe its just useless. i hate raising my hand during her lesson. im not trying to interrupt her lesson, but i just cant hear her. its as simple as that, but she doesnt know. and because of all that crappy attitude she had shown me, i'll never approach her when i have doubts unless its highly necessary.

if things remain as it is, my mother will tell lianglu about me not being able to hear her during lessons and her refusing to speak louder incident when meet-the-parents session comes. i really dont know what to do. my mother say there's really nothing else that i can do when the teacher gives me such attitude. if she complains to the ministry or the school, i'll just enjoy hell from the teacher. if she calls up to confront the teacher, i'll be living hell in class.

its like amin & his geography teacher...

my left leg so tired now, and i dont know why. hope good friday really GOOD lah, if not next friday is unlucky friday.

oh yes, now i know how keropi looks like. just google-d it.

and.. "kiasu" is an english word now, right? so interesting.

2007-04-02T18:31:00.000+08:00

omg! whatever happened to bigcouz...
trust her to wear bright pink + green skirt.
her sis should teach her colour combi.
its really such a clash of colours. very OUTSTANDING.

chemistry common test wasnt too bad, luckily.
i stayed till 130am just to revise it. so hardworking!
i will work for my A1!

haha. my MT mock exam 3 improved 1 mark from mock exam 1. so its from high B4 to low B3. but at least got improve. mock exam 2 dont have to worry cos its paper 1, so easy. heard that next week is MT common test... so what about mock exam?

no a math remedial again today. 4/3 snatch our margaret loh! but that gives me quality time for slacking & sweating in class.

our economics group is so jialat! the powerpoint slides & notes submission is by tomorrow, and apparently, we havent done anything. Damn!

our class suggested signing class petition to change school bell. BOLIAO! damn lame. i hope it doesnt work out anyway.

x-country on thursday. then have to design our logo after that. parents wont be home from thursday till monday.

my aunt called just to ask about adam khoo workshop. she seems pretty keen in sending her kids for it too. anyway, they come from rich family. so paying 10 times more than what i paid is no pain for them.

mdm quek wasnt here today. mr chua fell for my stupid raise-hand act, piriya said i really sounded innocent with that sudden HUH?! stupid mr chua. he keeps flirting with us. he'll walk a round the class and stop at our table everytime and say some random things that have nothing to do with physics, then walk 1 round & come back again.

latimer not here today too. our common test results doesnt look good. she's angry with us for not performing. but the fact is, 4/3 has got extra practice & they dont miss lessons. 4/4 & 4/5 doesnt miss lessons too. although 4/1 miss lessons, we're lagging far behind them. so what's up with us not performing well? we have missed at least 20hours of lessons already okay! i would say its partly our fault, its partly her fault.

lianglu blamed me for not sitting according to register number today. but what the heck! apparently, as i was strolling down the aisle to my seat, ridz told them to move up so i had no choice but to cut into the queue out of nowhere & he couldnt find me.

showed my mother my life path. she seemed pretty supportive of it. at least she's not the type of person who makes me go to top JC to give her something to show off. she's fine with me either going JC or poly. xD i really dream of the day i put on the white coat and work in a lab! haha.

2007-03-30T23:11:00.000+08:00

adam khoo is over!
so now, im a new person.
just being ready to get A1s.

and my dream is to work in labs!
not as those lab technicians in school though...

realised how important my parents are.
still remember last day of term 1 2006, my father told me "if you wanna study, study properly. do whatever you want, but do it to your best." that's really what motivated me!

haha! seriously... im quite touched the BOTH of them were present in the hall just now. i sms-ed my mother. then she called me during the camp, so i couldnt take calls. i felt another vibration for sms. well, anyway today, i was feeling lots of vibration -- someone should know why. xP so break time, i called my mother and asked her where she was. she was just 'alot tables, is it canteen?' and i just went down to find her. then i realised, she sent the sms. i think that was the first time the both of them came together in my entire life. just so happy! and next week, they'll be flying off... so fast. oh whatever, my life still goes on in singapore.

haiyo. told bigcouz how i remember the 'peter pan n keropi' thing using my own version. then she said its better to have my own phrase cos easier to remember. haha! would have talked to her for much longer if not for the fact that i actually asked for time to go down to return SQJ her book. and she didnt believe that i cried. TSK! this kind of bigcouz... keep diao-ing me. she say i very funny then she never laugh -.- then people ask, she say too funny till cannot laugh. she enlightened me! then asked her about chemical engineering and she told me now got more choices, can go NTU or NUS... hmm okay! i know her time maybe only got NUS so she jealous lah... oh yes! she say although her shirt not big, its not uncomfortable. and she actually remembered last friday lah.. memory still not bad lah. i think she's the type can remember things that happened long time ago, eg nicholas. and she was sick yesterday, if im not wrong. why? because she believes there's no need for sweater in staffroom no matter how hot(?) or how cold it is. then FLU. then wednesday left at like 1plus? thursday never come school. and the entire week, she was mostly wearing pink. and it was always very qiao! wednesday lunchtime saw her... today break then go toilet then saw her also. its just round shit. (yuan fen)

2007-03-27T17:50:00.000+08:00

guess how i remember the fractionating column?
Punctual
PettyNobodyKeropi (Lim)Desperately
LovesBoxers
xP created this twisted version during maths.

tomorrow is adam khoo workshop already!
report to school later, dismiss later...
finally got aircon. HAHA!
wonder how's it gonna be like.

i think SQJ is paranoid.
she probably keep thinking that i wanna find her.
can be seen from her actions..
today made her boyfriend wait for her for so long.
SQJ is SQJ. chatterbox is chatterbox, understand?

i failed geography common test!
got like 6 out of 25 for the SEQ.

think i should really really STUDY...
after being stressed up by the file check.
after performing way below my standards.
plus the fact that exam is less than 1 month away.

all my results this term so far are very bad.
got my first B4 for chinese.
then C5 for amath.
B3 for emath.
F9 for history.
D7 for geography.
maybe for people who get straight F9s, this is considered good.
but for me, its really about slacking & underperforming.
my results last year werent anywhere near this.
and all i could do is laugh during lessons.
kinda feel ashamed of myself... im just rotting away.

i've been laughing most lessons.
i never pay attention during any humanities subject lessons.
i sleep during any maths lesson.
i dream during any science lesson.
i pretend to pay attention during language lessons.

i would say, last year's results, were really a cause of being hardworking.
but this year, everything's gone...
i can still get last year's results even by enjoying and going out.
but im really doing too much of that to even study.
so im barely passing now.

there isnt much homework given for the weekend.
because the teachers want us to enjoy during adam khoo.
but it's really up to me if i wanna study at night.
the mid year exam will really show everything...
i can only make use of that so much time left now to destroy all evidence of slacking...

i really regret SLACKING!
no doubt its the easy way out, but its not practical.
rather, its DUMB.

once again, G admitted he hadnt done his best to teach us.
but just as the case last year, it was my laziness.
i really feel guilty. but definitely not guilty enough to make the change and stop slacking.
when i fail 1 more chemistry test or exam, maybe then, i will realise the pain & guilt of it.

2007-03-26T19:40:00.000+08:00

finally! cleared all my files.
with many work undone lah...
now, i feel less busy & less stress.

i shall really do my work on time from now on.
all so much for the snowballing pile i had to clear...

feel so much like a slacker.
reach home, watch tv, bathe, eat...
never do any work on most days.
that's why im lagging behind like mad!

this reminds me mid-year is coming in exactly 1 month!

latimer finally marked my essay today and she commented on the first page "make sure this is the last time you hand in work this late!" BLAH! its gonna leave such a bad impression. at least, "first & last time" sounds better. or at least, writing at the last page is better. and the least she could do is write in smaller font! hey... but she said its good effort nonetheless! xP anyway, though i probably fail my common test. HAHA!

our class was late for assembly as usual today. and rafeek asked me what lesson it was. i told him it was common test & he asked is it any subject? like DUH! he doesnt know what's common test? waded my way from the back all the way to the front and i saw her! she was squatting down, doing her favourite thing - TALKING (like a chatterbox) to her student. what a wonderful teacher. then secondary 2s had to stay back with their CM, so i walked pass her, without her knowing.

went to staffroom to find latimer during recess, as instructed. then at the stairs, saw HER at the study area. i was like "haiyo. dont want find her then will see her. want find her then she'll be busy." was walking slowly, and she was standing there dont know doing what. then some guy teacher asked the guy behind me what class he was from. so i turned back & saw the 2/7 guy. and she was at the study area looking in our direction giving that puzzled face. wahlao! she act blur... her class student and she dont know what class he from? -.- JOKER leh. think her class missing, the teacher said something like after chinese lesson, 2/7 dont know disappear where. HAIYO! this type of CM.. dont know where class is. unique! then find latimer and walked back. walked past HER and i tried to smile. and she suddenly went "hello jingwei" that i was so so so surprised i just quickly "hi" back. i really didnt expect her to say anything... we always so cold when we meet on the corridors. then at most i thought she would say "hi" but she said "hello" and said my name too! i was like :o! and she said so softly, but very cute. i think she said it because chatterbox needs to talk!!

yay! i unlocked all levels of the racing game on my phone today. most of which were unlocked in school. that's why im lagging so much behind. thanks to playing games when teachers dont come.

now, i feel that there's nothing wrong with me finding her. because anba is taking us for CME, and she's telling us about english all the time. plus she made us do the debate for her when she has an english class. so i see nothing wrong now. and tomorrow gonna be late for CCA. cos we gotta finish up the filming for the debate first! but she'll excuse us!

tomorrow 3/3 & 4/2 will have chemistry at the same time again. but i'll not be distracted!

didnt have time to complete a math common test today. lost over 10 marks already. whatever... and margaret told us kinematics is not tested, but it was tested!! what the heck!

i think soon, i'll become every teacher's favourite student if people cant stop saying these rubbish...

2007-03-25T17:18:00.000+08:00

finally squeezed a tiny bit of time for me to use the computer...
been so so so busy with filing. and there's still more work to do.
im just taking a break now. from e maths. later will do a maths.
then wait for a maths day tomorrow, as usual...

i dreamt of bigcouz last night.
it was like as if our relationship was very close.
but in reality, we aren't that close.
she's really really so good to me.
am i really ready to get that A1 for chemistry midyear?
am i up to it yet?

received our midyear exam schedule.
its only 1 month & 1 day away.
and there's a whole bunch of things to handle right now.
i cant wait to step down from artclub!
im hoping it's not compulsory for secondary 4s to go x-country.
yes, because there's loads of things to do, really.
at least last year was after MYE, this year is before MYE...
and my parents will be away from 5 april till 9 april.

economics project is scheduled for submission on 2nd april.
which is like next next week. there's NO TIME to do it this week.
assuming the fatigue will be overwhelming from adam khoo each day.
so im only left with the weekends. we arent even meeting for discussions.
and i dont have a printer to print out any info that i can find too.

there's also not much time to design the logo for that stupid competition.
almost every weekday is booked.
i used to reach home at like 6plus or 7pm each day last night, but i at least have the time to complete most of my homework in school. this year is totally different. i reach home at 5plus or 6pm each day right after school dismisses, without any work being done yet.

yesterday was so busy too.
went to JRL to do homework in the morning till evening.
then went to IMM to look for printer & for dinner.
only got to reach home at like 9pm.
by that time, i was already tired from being out the entire day.

i still have a math trigo differentiation worksheet to do, e math transformation worksheet, 3 physics worksheet. and my stupid irritating mother is nagging at me to iron my school uniform since afternoon. WHATEVER! i need to do my school work, unless she un-enrols me.

i pledge i WILL strain my ear to hear what ms lim is teaching from the next lesson onwards. she's so bloody pissing me off. what the heck? at least i bothered to raise my hand to ask her what question she's at, and the most she could do was to give an irritated face and answer me in that tone? it isnt like i dont wanna hear, but its that i CANT hear. there's a difference. and obviously, she doesnt understand it. since the beginning of this year, im always the first to hand in her TYS work. its only because of my interest. but now, i dont care anymore. i asked myself whether is it i choose to pretend not to be able to hear or is it that i really cant listen. the fact is, its the latter. i really can say this from the bottom of my heart that this is true. it isnt anything against my conscience. i have nothing to fear at all. i shall see how the subsequent lessons proceed. i will take one final test to see if it's just problem with her attitude or she did it unintentionally. she's done that thrice, if she does that another time, i will STOP asking her anything anymore.

2007-03-22T18:30:00.000+08:00

i seriously hate her!
she's picking on me lah.
for no particular reason.

great! im like finding all the unnecesary attention from teachers for myself.

stupid kokila. said she doesnt have my worksheet when i was the 1st or 2nd person to hand it in & she wanted me to redo it. bloody hell! what the heck is she. just a teacher lah. i dont care. i just wrote missing on the file. got alot of missing on my SS file, but i dont care. principal call then call lor. like i care lah. CH is just a stupid waste of my time. whatever work i do for her, i get marks like 2 to 4 out of 12 or 13. and she has never told me or pointed out why is it that i always get that marks too. she seriously got something against me lah. purposely made me arrange the files for her. then forced me to join the stupid competition. bloody hell lah! i hate joining competitions lor. if not why did i reject ms liao and mr g when they asked me to join? and that idiot wants the work to be submitted to her like 2 months plus before the submission date most probably so that she has so much time to scrutinize every single detail of the work. she's bloody pissing me off. forced me to take part in competition & she didnt want to tell me to meet her, she made someone pass the message to me so that i sacrifice my recess to go find her highness. and know what? stupid 138 teachers just cant pick up the phone lah. i called very long before someone finally picked it up and kokila was actually in the staffroom. then she told me to find her after school. what the heck! she's wasting my time & making fun of me lah. want to see me and make me run here run there. not funny lah! its she wanna see me, not i wanna see her. damn it! then after school went to find her & she made me wait super long for her highness. i bet she went into the staffroom to chat with the teachers lah. whatever! wasted my time and i forgo lunch. the whole of english remedial i was starving. bloody hell! then she was so rude. just shoved the paper to me and told me to read it myself. wahlao! cant even explain at all. thanks lor! then english remedial i got scolded by latimer for not doing her work unintentionally because i was dreaming and didnt know such a piece of work existed. and great, i have to submit it to her tomorrow morning the first thing i reach school and i have to get some innocent teacher to be the messenger to leave it on her table. i understand that this is my fault. but when doing english remedial summary, i was damn hungry lah. starve until stomach pain already. and its all bloody kokila's fault. all i ate was like 1 packet of biscuits for recess, 2 sweets in between lesson and 1 bread for breakfast to last me till 530pm when i reached home and cooked maggi mee for myself to eat. all the teachers are pissing me off lah. i told ms lim i couldnt hear her today and asked if she could speak louder and she was so straightforward and said 'NO! i cant.' thanks lor! she claims that she has a throat problem. its not her fault lah, but why is it that mrs loh has throat problem and i can hear her but i cant hear ms lim? because ms lim doesnt wanna use her mic. bloody hell! and im missing out on all that she's saying because she has that bloody throat problem. im damn irritated by all of them lah. i seriously cant hear her and all she says is that she has a throat problem. at least she can not be that straightforward or perhaps say that she will use a mic next time. but know what? i told her and she went to talk about her school story that she was scared of sitting at the back cos of this reason. so she's just indirectly blaming me for sitting at the back lah! whatever. its not my choice can. next time i ask her whether she can write bigger, i bet she's going to say 'NO! i cant. my hand is very small cos i cannot write bigger.' whatever lah. shit lor. its a stupid excuse can. scold people scold so loud. teach then teach softer. i dont know what shes up to lah. im not gonna do her piece of ws 6 lor. because im serious about not being able to hear her speak. and i was like the 1st person to hand in my file yesterday and today she brought it back and gave it back to me for more filing. and know what? my file came back wet to me. whatever! she's just so bloody irritating. all the teachers are like making me mad now. im like being observed by most teachers already. whatever! im just seriously bloody fed up with ms lim and ms kokila. piss me off only. and somemore, still have their lessons tomorrow. good!

ever since school reopened, all these bloody problems are coming to me. sucks lah. like what? everything my fault. i know im slacking during many lessons but there are lessons which i really pay attention okay. get at me lah. whatever! i bet they're all like getting at me cos im talking during their lessons. but heck, what's wrong with it man?

i bet tomorrow when i go find ms liao, ms lim will see it and im gonna like create more trouble for myself lah. whatever lor! i really give up already. all these teachers are making my blood boil. its so freaky irritating. getting on my nerves. im failing almost all that i could lah. and im seriously underperforming with my first ever B4 in my entire life for chinese and that bloody C5 for a maths which i've not been in contact with since term 1 2006. whatever lor. and the teachers just cant gimme a break. all of them are getting at me. i tell you one day when im seriously fed up with everything and especially if ms lim cant speak louder, i'll just sit at the teachers' table during her lesson. i PAY school fees not to learn lip-reading.

im in a totally foul mood yesterday because of some bloody irritating stuffs. and obviously, things didnt get any better today. i suppose this chain of bad luck is gonna follow me till tomorrow. whatever! i need some peace right now before i continue doing my work for latimer which is due to my fault. and the stupid SBQ for kokila. and chemistry, geography, economics file all tomorrow. english file by monday. i cant remember what the heck she said about maths files or did she even say it in the first place?

im really entertaining shit now. gritting my teeth for everything that happens. im just bloody pissed off with all the stuffs lah. it all seems to be my fault. and there's still the stupid econs project to do when my internet isnt working properly. plus i have to photostat economics articles when my printer is spoilt. whatever, im just not gonna photostat, just submit the original copies. whatever, it's not my fault right?

and i bet im gonna fail english also. i tell you im failing all that i can this term lah. that bloody compre is so damn difficult. i know i fail and that's it. i probably get a single digit score even. and the chinese mock exam is like stupid. i have nothing to write about and whatever. perhaps i'll get my 2nd B4 for chinese in my life or get my first C5 for chinese in my life.

and i think x-country is like compulsory for sec4s. i dont know yet. it seems to be compulsory, if not peter lim would not be dumb to tell us the information. even though i seriously wish its optional for sec4s. plus we dont even know where the heck is turf city lah. whatever! the stupid school is making us go to all the weird places these year lor. thanks lah! cant they just let the sec4s off? we wanna study in peace for our o levels. first its the level camp, then the half day off, then the CNY holidays, then the games day, then its gonna be adam khoo, then x-country next. and with all these stupid events interfering, they're expecting us to make css express band 1! bloody hell. just for the sake of band 1, we have to put up with the school's nonsense of going back even on saturdays. what's the point of 5 day work week? so that you can work OT on saturdays and get paid extra? WOW! they can just let the sec4s off right?

and our exam area will be so strategic and conducive lah. i dont even know why the school stupidly choose that area there. imagine the other students will be directly above us, directly opposite us, and when their paper ends, they'll just cheer and we'll hear everything clearly in the midst of doing our papers. good lor! and during O levels, the sec3 classes above will be going back for their 3 weeks lesson and while we are doing our papers, we'll hear the teachers teaching and probably get our answers from the teachers too right? thanks lor! such great ideas the school have.

and our class bloody projector still isnt working so every lesson we'll have to be damn old-fashioned and use whiteboard and boring lessons whatever. and teachers who survives on projectors for a living, we'll have to move to AV room 2 and forgo our 10minutes break. whatever! its been like months already. new school somemore. and so it happens the projector screen in our class is installed crooked. such good facilities for the top 2 classes which are supposed to be producing pupils with 9a1s. what???? you're treating us like shit and u want us to do that? wait longer. dream on!

2007-03-20T19:09:00.000+08:00

haix. im feeling so troubled now.
i dont understand chemistry lesson today.
but the whole point is not just about not understanding, its that i cant hear ms lim teaching at all. and its not like i dont wanna tell her. she'll just go "buy me a mic then" or "who call you choose to sit at the back?" i really tried to listen in her lessons but i hear nothing. even when writing on the board, she writes so small and blames us for sitting at the back and complaining about not being able to see it properly. like what can i do about her? she's just my teacher. and especially when mine is a window seat, i hear people running, people from other classes running and other teachers shouting instead of hearing her teaching.

HAI.
after friday, i regained abit of confidence in my chemistry. but its just not like last year anymore. im not expecting A1s anymore. i would be just so happy with getting B3s, while i was struggling so hard to get an A1 for examinations last year. everything is different. i no longer devote so much time on that subject anymore. its not because im busy or have no time, but its just that i've lost the passion. chemistry no longer interests me. and its not that i hate it because i cant get the facts right. rather, its because im forced to memorise chunks of answers which i dont understand.

i still dont know what i did today was right. running up to tell ms liao that i couldnt understand chemistry. it seemed so selfish of me. calling her "ms liao" sounds alien to me now. she's so good to me, she's expecting that A1 from me, but i really dont know. im not so certain about the A1. i only know that i wanna understand and not memorise.

tried to find ms lim after school today. but its just that i couldnt find her. i think she is warning us. she obviously knows that we are laughing at her and not asking each other about chemistry. i really dont know. its so difficult.

the easiest solution is to escape. i can just drop chemistry so that i wont have all these problems that keeps surfacing one after another has been solved. but i cant do that, i wont be able to face her. she has really helped me so much.

at the most, i'll just ask for deadline extension for the current worksheet and go find ms liao on either thursday or friday. im already desperate. just THAT desperate. while i was struggling for A1 for examinations last year, im struggling to just understand chemistry now. she told me to read the textbook before finding her, but its like the textbook is wrong at that part. what a coincidence! but am i supposed to do that? its like im finding ms liao because i do not understand ms lim's lessons, or rather i cant hear. whatever but it sounds kinda wrong.

im just soooooooo troubled over all these stupid matters. sleeping seems to be the only way to forget them all temporarily. and that is the cause of me lagging behind in lessons.

2007-03-18T16:04:00.001+08:00

http://www.np.edu.sg/lsct/ce/biochem.html
http://www.sp.edu.sg/SPweb/appmanager/home/default?_nfpb=true&linkNode=/BEA%20Repository/FutureStudent/Courses/ChemicalLifeSciences/FullTime/DiplomaInChemicalEngineering/WhatYouWillStudy&T17000899711148607296532_actionOverride=/cmsTools/extension/content/main/link&_windowLabel=T17000899711148607296532&_pageLabel=SP_ABT_C_FTD_CLS_CE
if i go poly, these will be my dream courses.
the COP is 15 and 14 points respectively, at least for this year.

but actually, im still not sure whether to go JC or poly.
if i go JC, i can take the subjects i love but the lectures will be boring.
if i go poly, i can only go for chemistry and there will be hands-on, so more fun than in JC, but at the expense of giving up economics.
its like really a choice stuck between my passion.
i have a stronger passion for chemistry than for economics.
i dont see myself working in the field of anything much to do with economics, but its just the passion.

but the fees for poly isnt exactly cheap. plus its 3 years. and my parents have to provide for my brother going private U. so i really dont know. if i go JC, at least can use edusave and stuff to pay school fees & its not a bomb like poly fees which are like 2000plus per year, for 3 years, which will be 7000plus. i'll really have to study hard & make sure the money's worth my education especially when my brother will be going private U for 2 or 3 years and his fees are 7000plus per year. so im quite at a loss.

and at least, if i go JC, i use still enjoy concession privileges & probably cheaper than poly food. the thing about poly is that no uniform, so i wont have to buy them. then maybe also no expensive textbooks to buy. but actually, its quite worth it afterall. now that i think of all these. cos A levels will be expensive, but of course cheaper than the poly fees i suppose. then besides that, pay 2000plus for 3 years for poly, then if you happen to go U, its only 2 years whereas for JC, its 3 years in U, then the fees add up will be around the same. the only thing is that only 1 in 10 poly students can go U. by 2009, it will be raised to 15%. so have to work extra hard there. plus poly there's like hands-on & attachment, all the fun things. (Okay. I think I sound so interested in poly now.)

chemistry just rocks!
especially with ms liao. [haha!]

2007-03-18T14:10:00.000+08:00

2007-03-12T19:45:00.000+08:00

so afterall, today wasnt too bad.
somehow, english remedial ended at 230pm instead of 415pm.
& she cancelled wednesday's remedial too.
this means that we wont have to go back everyday!
you know... like finally? OMG.

and spent my time well in school today.
at least i understood what was going on in amath.
the rare times i actually paid attention.
amaths class test results really disappointing.
but so what, that's like a thing of the past!

then at least i did some work during the break!

looking forward to wednesday!
lets pray it wont rain on that day.
xP i think that's the only 1 day i can enjoy myself in the 9 days of holidays.

another long day of lessons will be on thursday.
again, from early morning till evening.

2007-03-11T14:12:00.000+08:00

i hate memorising answers for chemistry!

her method of teaching chemistry is so SMART lah...

not that i hate her, but i dont think chemistry is a humanity subject.

i read the popclub member's magazine article. it said "Teaching the man how to fish is more important than giving the man fish." once you give the man fish, he will automatically look for you for fish next time. the man will lose his independence. the man will lose his skill of fishing. the man will never learn from then on...

i dont like her spoonfeeding us with lots of answers to her so-called typical o level questions. i lost the skill of phrasing answers. even if i fail because i cant phrase, its better than reproducing something which i dont know.

i dont see what's the point of her giving us mindmaps & making us copy too. thats her OWN mindmap. she give us, we may not understand. plus copying her mindmap blindly, our brain doesnt even think why she has done it that way.

'thanks ar' xcouz, for helping me yesterday!

2007-03-09T20:55:00.000+08:00

having headache now... its freaking irritating.

but no way that's gonna spoil my mood.

today was games day. and i seriously enjoyed myself. a million times better than classroom lessons. in fact, i thought it was a really good ending to term 1! good start & good ending... was a floorball player. we only managed to come in fourth. but it doesnt matter too much, cos when i was playing, i wasnt thinking about winnning, i just played and enjoyed myself. there was no stress at all, even though at the end, i was the one who let the ball go into the goal during penalty shot and thus letting off the 3rd place to 4/6. but at least i tried defending quite a few times already. and i think our team most pathetic. we dont even have any reserves. HA! fell while playing the game. cos somehow, people were attacking my leg instead of the ball.
was quite surprised with the cheers actually. cos initially, we were really lacking cheers & the team was seeking help from our classmates. but within less than 2 hours, a wonderful cheer just came out & the choreography was very good.

though we are like worst class in academics, and we didnt get a single prize for games day, i dont think it matters at all. we've tried our best already lah. seeing our chemistry common test results, it was really a huge improvement! though physics & geography kinda disappointing. as long as we know it, i think its fine. i rather we all study because we want it for ourselves, and not study for the sake of filling up the log card. its more meaningful to live that way.

went library after games day ended. kinda surprised can squeeze up the 1st 66 that came. LOL! then i finally bought my long ruler... which i've been lacking for months. was so hungry then i ordered my food at LJS and waited for the waitress to serve me at my table cos it wasnt ready yet. apparently she FORGOT & i had to wait again... so i ended up waiting for maybe 20 to 30 minutes? really starving already lor. went library and i did half of emath paper 1 2006 before going to JP. walked around looking for stuffs for approximately 1 hour before going home finally. actually wanted go dinner together but then no appetite.

came back home & everyone was blaming me for waking up early today. wahlao! they have alarm clock, dont want rely on it, rely on me, then blame me for making them wake up so early. typical singaporean style man. monkey see, monkey do, dont even know what's happening. Tsk!

realise my remarks rhyme.
She is a quiet student in class.
She tries her best in everything she does.

term 1 results aside. good or bad, just forget about it. gotta move on to term 2 soon. and mid-years, and MT O levels, then english prelims!

so fun;
xD

2007-03-08T19:43:00.000+08:00

got back term 1 progress report today already. results are still okay... could have gotten 2 more 1s for both maths if i wasnt lazy, but that doesnt matter anymore. L1R5 was not bad too... getting closer to single digit. xD but of course, if not for my laziness, i would have achieved it already. failed CH, as expected, with E8. its like a norm for me on my results slip already. my remarks are still positive stuffs. though piriya seriously thinks im totally the opposite of my remarks. oh, just sad she isnt the teacher.

our class did really bad. LOL! somehow, was expecting teachers to come in and rant. however, none did. they probably realised the time wasted on scolding or probably wanna give us a break or probably is giving up on us. didnt think too much about what lianglu said yesterday about our class results... thought it was the norm, until this morning i realise how terrible it was. lessons were super weird today. sooo damn quiet & scary lah. i didnt even dare to talk to anyone for fear of spoiling that silence.

remedial slots during holidays is really BAD! i think our class is one of the class that's most heavily tied down by remedials. monday is like 7.30am to 9am for amath, then 1.15pm to 4.15pm for english. no idea what to do in that 4 hours... tuesday is 7.30am to 9.30am for chemistry, then 10am to 12pm for mother tongue. wednesday is 9.30am to 11.30am for english. thursday is 8.30am to 2pm for english, then 4.30pm to 4.50pm for economics project consultation. no idea what to do for that 2 and a half hours too... friday is 12.30pm to 2.30pm for english. school holidays? dream on! not even 1 day of no schooling lah. so much for our poor results. HAHA!
& the worst thing is that we may have to come back on saturdays when school reopens for geography lessons. so much for being in triple humanities. speaking of that, think next term IHP is geography! but then need go for physics remedial already... blah!

homework pile, however, should still be quite okay compared to other classes, i believe. e maths & amaths is standard through level. chemistry is same as 4/3. then there's 2 history worksheet on mao and maths tys written work. so, it isnt too much. however, being lazy, my other homework is piling up.. including amath textbook written work and physics tys. then english gotta do the essay outline, 1 per student. mother tongue i believe he will only give during remedial lessons. no work for physics, economics & geography. xP

tomorrow is games day! kinda like looking forward though i dont know how to go that place, hopefully i dont get lost anywhere in the universe. im in floorball, though i almost slid down yesterday while playing it due to the stupid puddle of water there.

thought the workers were gonna cut down the tree, but they started cutting only after english remedial. was like so noisy and taking ever so long, so i decided to leave & make my time more productive rather than standing in class to watch a dead tree topple over because i dont see myself in such professions in the future, or any profession near that field.

im considering JJC... LOL! if only the facilities are not so jialat, i wouldnt be wondering about where to go..

geography results isnt pleasing. should be getting stuffs like A1 but i got C6. but well, just get on. dont wanna stress myself too much. moreover, its the first human geography assignment we did. doesnt sound too convincing to be an excuse though, anyway.

2007-03-07T17:31:00.000+08:00

this week rocks! only 1 test!
xP

been sort of like cursing the whole day.

stupid ms lim! she made me do the working for that whole question to ask me how i got the answer. Tsk! it shows that she doesnt trust me. what's wrong with me knowing the answer... irritating freak. and because of that, i spent an hour or so doing nothing waiting for the queue to get shorter, but apparently, it never did! pisses me off, Damn!

i like AV room 2. prays & hopes our class projector wont ever be in working condition. i dont mind going to AV room 2 for lessons. =]

lianglu told us our term 1 progress report not very pleasing. LOL, i think he should have saved his saliva. its not like we dont know. majority failed at least 1 subject, and some failed more than 1 subject. i belong to the majority. and the bloody subject i failed is CH, its not like those subject that you can drop... so i bloody have to make myself suffer by failing CH. he says our geography is not very good, but i wonder since when has it ever been good. our MSG for the class test is appalling, i would say. triple humanities class getting 6.88 for geography, haha! still remember last year he did apologise to us once because we got something like 6.23 for geography common test and he felt it was entirely his fault. LOL!

games day coming.
so is the march holidays.
booked for the entire week already.
full of english, mother tongue & amaths lessons.
and we're still waiting for confirmation of physics, chemistry and geography slots.
im so fortunate not to be those who have countless CCA meetings.

fell asleep during assembly today.
and the stupid spotcheck.
the teachers are all too concerned with that socks issue.
he was looking only at my socks and ignored the bigger picture, my 80% grey shoes.
thanks alot for letting me get away with it!

2007-03-04T21:59:00.000+08:00

i somehow think that what i did isnt really right.
and its bothering me...
im like so scared of her now.

there's a million things in my mind.

and i suppose majority of the students dont know how to get to that stupid moe place for games day too!

its 10pm already.
& i havent go revise emath test.
neither have i done homework.

my health's been controlling me.
im sneezing so often nowadays compared to last year.
might be due to my poor eating habits.
i rarely take full meals now...
even dinner, i only have the appetite to eat like 1 egg.
just dont feel like eating.

i keep thinking that O levels is still a long way to go.
as if to deceive myself. or just to comfort myself.
i try not to think about post-secondary options.
but as unavoidable an issue as it is, people do ask.

realise im listening to radio late night again.
back to the old habits.
just trying to soothe myself.

i have an uncertain future.
i dont specialise in anything.

sometimes, i feel like i've lost interest in school.
& that explains the poor performance.
since school started, i've felt that way many times.
i feel left out, i feel alone, i feel i belong nowhere.
there are days i ponder about where to go after school.

just to forget the troubles temporarily, i laugh them away during lessons.
there are adverse consequences to it.
i may be present in class, but my soul isnt there at all.
feeling very bad.

i remember mr G once said "the key to do well for economics is to be present in class. it doesnt mean just sitting in class, it means that your soul is in the class." i think it applies to all subjects. if you have no heart in something, of course you'll not do well. it sorta makes sense. maybe this shall be my motivation to work hard.

i feel guilty to be slacking right now.

2007-03-02T22:39:00.000+08:00

this week seemed to pass so quickly.
tomorrow is chalet already, and CNY will be over on sunday!

quite disappointed with myself currently.
my standard is dropping low & im letting it be.

i reflected last night. what i once thought was funny made me realise that it actually isnt. my chemistry work didnt use to be a piece of junk or mess. initially, i laughed at my mistakes. but i didnt learn. its really not funny. its ridiculous. i really must do well for it. it wasnt just a mistake, it actually led to many more mistakes. dont know what im doing, and no one knows what im doing too. its a shame! i cant disappoint her. im human, she's human. what rights have i to disappoint her when she is doing so much for me? there's still midyear, prelims, and O levels. i really wanna do it.

my differentiation is kinda quite bad. i dont know quotient rule. really needs more practice. thanks to dreaming in amaths lessons & sleeping in emaths lessons.

didnt get back geography class test, but i know that my marks is gonna be like B4 to C6 range. first, i seriously dont know how to do the questions. and also, i didnt study properly. if luck shines on me and i get something better than that range, i truly dont deserve it. and it applies to geography common test too. im really slacking!

hope & pray that THE DATES dont get any earlier.

games day, dont know how go there. blah! dont know how play floorball too.

seems so few homework, chinese, 2 el summary, physics tys mcq.
and so few tests too! so far, next week only have emath common test.

2007-02-27T20:17:00.000+08:00

i feel myself slipping away already.

once again, my laziness! if i had wisely chosen to use a flexi curve instead of freehand, i would be getting only 1 question wrong for the e maths class test only. all my steps are correct, but my freehand made the curve not smooth, therefore using the wrong values. Damn! for that, i was away from the better grade.

i remember, this is not the 1st time my laziness has resulted in me getting far lower marks to settle for a lower grade. the previous one, wasnt exactly a very pleasing experience but i failed to learn still.

had wanted to be a good art club member & do the work last night but at 12am, i realised that there is not a single glue stick available at home. Grr.

my chemistry is really getting worse now, obviously. not that im not interested in her lesson, but she's really talking too fast. there's just something stopping me from doing chemistry properly, probably distraction, its just some unknown thing. there's just this single thing which makes me write all the irrelevant stuffs whenever its anything related to chemistry. i thought the 'how metals produce sounds' incident was just a case of fatigue. but as time progressed, i found out it certainly isnt.

economics class test tomorrow. MCQ! so good, and its all last year stuffs. so it should be manageable, at least i hope so too.

slept during emaths lesson again today. seriously gotta control myself from doing that repeatedly. just dont know what's the problem with me nowadays... if i just dont laugh for too long, as in 30min of lessons, i'll just sleep.

finally bought my CME book today. xD looking forward to CDP lesson. LOL! its seriously very very fun & enjoyable. i dont mind staying that extra hour on fridays just for that lesson, its all worth it.

haha! bought the career guidance book & i looked thru. one thing i discovered is that there is NO job that suit me. omg! maybe optometrician ONLY? -.-

PE tomorrow...
i hope its not 2.4km or running 4 rounds.
but anyway, its better than running up & down the stairs.

stupid thermometer.
there's some problem with it.
it keeps measuring in Farenheit, and i have to keep retaking my temperature. how troublesome! but i'll just make do with it, rather than purchase a new thermometer.

im broke!
spent nearly $50 today.

2007-02-23T14:37:00.000+08:00

im seriously dreaming & sleeping thru lessons.

i was kinda surprised i didnt fall asleep during amath yesterday, then i slept during english remedial. LOL! and why i didnt sleep during amath? she didnt teach.

today, slept during chemistry lesson, which was like the 1st lesson since the geography lesson was eaten into by the stupid thermometer exercise.

its like seriously getting to me. just cant stand the teachers talking and talking, they just lull me to sleep. i seriously try very hard to open my eyes but by the time i open my eyes, i realise i just woke up from sleeping.

50mins of lessons, i seriously feel damn tired, its with the teachers, their way of teaching! the 10mins break, im always energetic and sourcing for tasks to do. in fact, when i try to sleep during the 10mins break or when there is no teacher in the class, i just cant get to sleep. its only when the teachers are talking then i automatically sleep even when im really struggling to open my eyes.

so far this year, i've already fallen asleep during chemistry, amath, emath, physics, mother tongue, english, combined humanities. surprisingly, i have never fell asleep during G's lessons though as quoted as many, his voice is monotonous. but it sounds energetic, that's why i wont sleep. unlike some of the teachers, i really cant hear them talking at times. or when they write on the board, they write extremely tiny and when the back row people cant see, the teacher say its your own fault for sitting right at the back. be more professional lah, for god's sake! dont say about others' attitude until you've corrected yours!

im lazy to travel to any popular bookstores to acquire my secondary 4 cme workbook!

shall get some sleep.
really sooo tired & sleepy.
and to think there's still CNY celebrations tomorrow.
GRR..

2007-02-21T15:08:00.000+08:00

argh! slept through maths lesson today.
i really couldnt help it, just kept dozing off.

the only way to stay asleep is really by LAUGHING lah.
after maths, i was laughing non-stop during economics.

today was so shiok!
dismissed at 145pm, no remedials!
totally rocks! & stones & pebbles too.
xD

was so engrossed playing games on my phone during SS that i didnt know kokila was coming over. but at least someone alerted me, cos we are of the same species. we dont do her work and dont pay attention during her lesson.

oh ya! alot of chemistry work that i havent do yet.
so gotta do lah... i dont wanna get into trouble with tough teachers.
that's one of the last things i would wanna do in school.

after sleeping during maths, i feel awake the rest of the day!
so sad lah.. we didnt miss any SS lesson during the holidays.
Damn! very accurate never miss any of her lesson. except for Vday.
and this is so boring!

2007-02-20T11:18:00.000+08:00

finally a break from all the celebrating!
there's only left with 2 more celebrations; phew.

case of mistaken identity.
someone thought i was older than my 5 year older brother.
i always have this kinda problem that people cant judge my age properly.
thanks alot! =.=

another case of mistaken identity yesterday too.
not bothered blogging about it cos it didnt happen with me.
but its quite funny actually.

i think this happens when we're all not too familar.
at grandma's house is the worst, me, my brother & my mother kept asking each other who so-and-so is.

putting aside all the CNY stuffs...
i think now, its really time to get serious on schoolwork already.
i still dont feel any stress coming in, because im really taking it slowly.
HA! during CNY celebrations, everyone was already wishing good luck for Os.
and my aunt went to add in "see who the smartest". GRR!

but well, 80% of the fun have got to pause now...
during the school holidays & the starting of secondary 4 life, i've enjoyed myself alot. going out every saturday with friends and going home late, some weekdays too... going out after school. now that there's no more occassions to interfere with school, i really gotta concentrate. no more writing 'how metals produce sounds'. no more dreaming during G's lessons. no more laughing at ms lim throughout the whole lesson for no apparent reason. no more slacking in lianglu's classes. im dictating my life. i have decided what i want for myself, and now, i have to work my way there. no more distractions. no more dreaming. no more laziness.

there's barely 8 months to the actual 'O' levels written examinations, and barely 6 more months to our prelims. which means i have less than 1 month to prepare each subject. 3 more months to mother tongue paper.

i'll put the past behind me. whatever failure or success i've got, is only experience. experience to make myself face the reality and not escape. i wont give up that easily like when i was in secondary 2. the group of dedicated teachers have been helping all of us, but they cant help us for everything in life. there's a limit to what they can help us with, some things are beyond their reach to help.

even though i have no specific targets in mind, i'll still do to my best so that i'll have as much doors open up for me. right now, i really have no idea to go poly or jc. both sounds equally good. we're in the era where poly is attracting the top students already. some may say its stupid to go poly when you can go to a top jc, but i beg to differ unless you wanna be a teacher or tutor or a jack of all trades but master of none. well, jc is just so-called the 'safer route to university' lah. hmm.. but if you're clear of your future, then you wouldnt have to waste the 2 years studying in jc. you can just go poly and get a diploma, and if possible, go university to get degree. but if not, then can just start work what... HA! shall see about these stuffs after my O levels. study first! dont talk too much yet.

this year very no CNY mood, so boring.
its not fun at all.
play mahjong till sian, watch tv till eye pain.
sit till butt pain and leg numb.

2007-02-18T22:45:00.000+08:00

http://www.moe.gov.sg/jcreview/JC%20Calendar.htm
this means the 2006 graduating students will still be under the so-called 'first 3 months' scheme in JC though its probably gonna be like first one and a half month only.
Yucks! this probably means prelims is not for us to play around with.

2007-02-18T21:31:00.000+08:00

first day of visiting is finally over, and im glad i got through it quite okay.
very boring though. we expected to be the last to reach grandma's house but we were so surprised to find out we were the first visitors at like 130pm. so it was very very quiet. after that, went to dont-know-how-im-ever-related-to-them's terrace houses, 2 of them. only 2 families, so very very quiet once again. & i finally learnt how to play mahjong! xD i was very very lucky today lah, getting all the good tiles. but i was very dreamy, making moves that are not exactly wise, but im beginner okay! at least won 1 round with the more experienced players can already lah, haha.

tmr gotta wake up earlier, maybe around 9plus? need to go all the way to the east. and gonna spend the whole day there. loads of stuffs to bring, cos might be swimming & stuffs. still hoping that i'll be free on tuesday, haha.

yesterday went to IMM since there wasnt any CNY stuffs to do. spent over 100plus at fila & 60plus at Giant. bought a new pair of shoes from fila which isnt exactly nice at all... but i have no choice lah. my feet's fault! i liked the one at IP zone but the design i wanted didnt have my size and no new stocks coming, plus the shoes quite heavy. really alot shoes didnt have my size lah. maybe everyone bought them before CNY already..

guess what? my father spent over 20plus decorating the house. after he finished, my mother told him that no one is coming to our house this year! what a laugh... all the decorations shall be exclusive to our eyes. and new year equals new house keys again. its always my brother fault when we have to change keys, damn!

2007-02-16T18:55:00.000+08:00

im going crazy already.

first, i wrote 'higher evaporation' for a question that is asking for the properties of aluminium! second, i wrote 'how metals produce sounds' for a question that has something to do with reactivity. GOSH! i really dont get chemistry now. because its all copying & memorising without understanding. and i desperately need help before the class test, before i scribble more nonsense for the test. she's teaching way too fast i cant get anything. i cant write at the speed of light okay! neither can i learn at the speed of light.

the other day... i had a terrible dream. dreamt that i boarded a bus which was damn packed at CCK interchange, since it was packed, i was standing near to the driver's seat. then, i tapped my card & realised there was no driver! then i thought it was okay.. but it definitely wasnt okay when the bus started moving without a driver! and few moments after the bus moved, it ran into a driver jaywalking in the bus park. such a bloody dream. and yes, i woke up after that person got ran over...

oh yes! mr G forgot to tell us the details of the econs class test which is supposed to be next week, so it most probably no econs class test next week! but anyway, we'll have it sooner or later... so the joy is uncalled for.

that day, my mother bought a N6070 for herself. then the day after that, my father bought a N6288 for himself. i think they have nothing better to spend their money on. think there's like 10-odd handphones in the house, inclusive of the black-one screen ones. then my parents also bought new numbers without contract. i seriously think they have nothing better to do lah! but its good anyway, lianglu wont be able to contact my mother or father! xP well... he has contacted my mother before, for your information. probably cos he had nothing better to do, he called my mother to rush her for meet-the-parents session.

let me list down the homework pile:
Chemistry TYS - supposedly due yesterday.
History SEQ - supposedly due yesterday too.
1 el journal
chinese lianxi6
chinese jianbao2
chinese baozhangbaodao
physics SPA ws
chemistry ALOT ws
amaths ws
hmm.. think only got all this. quite manageable.
hopefully there's time for me to revise...

2007-02-13T17:52:00.001+08:00

im so happy! haha.

did comprehension passage during english for the entire period. after that, we had 30mins of proper chemistry lessons on the topic of metals before the 20mins of propaganda. the bottomline is 'ms lim is the best chemistry teacher in commonwealth secondary'. xD

then we had physics. she came into the class and the first thing she mentioned was return test papers. i guess half the class was totally shocked by what she said, including me. and i was totally stunned when she said i was the highest. studying for common tests really pays off well. if only last year i had seriously studied for common tests too... LOL! actually i was already happy enough to get an A1 for physics.. i think that's only my 2nd one for this subject? plus the fact i always get grades like F9 and E8 for it. so yes, happy happy... =]

during geography, i didnt pay attention until the moment he 'zao xia' then i laughed and started listening to what he's shitting about. and after lessons, i chased after him to tell him his hair is very nice & shiny, what a stupid promise. but at least i did it, and the better thing is that i have to do it for 3 weeks! highlight of today's lesson was when someone asked about ms vanessa lim... but i think we should just spare him. if our class happens to not do well for geography, i'll know that its because when mr g is in front teaching, we are thinking of vanessa. -.-

maths was just all scolding and blabbering.

happy also because tomorrow is valentine's day and there's halfday! but will have to get home early and go out for family dinner. its changed from friday to tomorrow.. sad thing is there is no halfday on friday. WHAT THE HECK! and also, have to study for emaths class test & geography class test tomorrow. ):

march holidays gone already. booked by ms latimer for 4 days. much as i dont wish for more, im expecting them to come. am updating my activities at the side column, i know its overdued for so long. HA! cos im lazy. another thing to add is that there's a whole pile of things to be ready for submission. i think 4/2 will hate this coming thursday. LOL! xP

2007-02-11T16:58:00.000+08:00

so LONG since i last went out with my whole family, actually i didnt want to go also lah, but since dad got lorry and mum wanna buy new armchairs for us, so just go. then we almost got caught by the traffic police on the expressway. LOL! but lucky lah... trailed behind us for quite sometime and then go pass us finally.

this new year really got quite some new things, except for clothes lah.. lazy to go out buy also. mum want buy sport shoes for me i also lazy. i know im really lazy lah. HAHA! hmm.. room got repainted, or in fact the whole house. then got a new handphone. and got new bedsheets. and new armchairs. all those quite expensive things...

CNY coming so soon, and im sorta like dreading it. friday gonna have sort of a reunion dinner or something... after that, i dont know when's the chalet thing. and then still got to visit relatives around from east to west. Sian...

just cos my damn cousin got an A1... my mother's world been revolving around that. like what the heck! it's just 1 A1 for hmt lah.. get a life. perhaps he's pro in hmt only? who knows... whatever lah. all they ever do is compare & compare. you see, sometimes i think that if i go to poly, they wont have anything to compare... you know they can compare like almost everything. compare see who tallest, who fattest, who smartest, who eat most, who most outgoing. like shit lah. i mean different people have different personalities right? they just cant leave us alone cos we're all the same age. 1 reason i dont like meeting my relatives is cos they like to compare too much. its like so damn stressed lah. everytime meet them, they'll sure ask "how's your results? what do you mean by okay? how many A1s? what's your position?" or when we're playing games, they'll say "wow. so clever ar!", "i suppose you're a very good player." etc. even when eating, they say "haiyo, you lousy lah, dont know how to eat this." what else do they want to compare lah? like CNY they come my house, they'll just go "can let me see your textbooks?". the worse was when we were sec2 then my aunt called to tell my mother "i bought a biology textbook for my daughter already, to let her read up on it earlier." -.- really typical singaporean lor, KIASU lah.

tmr got physics common test! studied halfway only. left with waves & sound. actually physics isnt too bad afterall. havent prepared for geog class test on thursday though.. but wednesday got halfday! xD

2007-02-10T11:30:00.000+08:00

http://www.seab.gov.sg/SEAB/oLevel/2007gceOExamCalendar.html
not exactly pleasing news. our o levels written papers date pushed up by 5 days to 17oct already, which is exactly 2 months after our start of prelims, at least the tentative dates.

this year batch did so well for o levels, especially the languages & geography.
so there's halfday on V day! xD

think we'll register for the examinations somewhen after CNY. then march, we'll have adam khoo. and i strongly believe midyears for the whole school will start in late april, together with SPA skill 3 assessments for sciences. after that, may 28 is mother tongue o level paper. then after the holidays, will be mother tongue orals followed by listening comprehension. after which will be english orals around august, which is near our prelims already. and finally, its the actual o level.

last year, teachers often mistake me for secondary 4. this year, teachers mistake me as either secondary 2 or 3. my grandmother just called to ask 'you secondary 4 or JC this year?' my mother asked me yesterday 'did you receive your mother tongue results?' of course, some other teachers also asked me that. i like this kinda promotion system, LOL! never sit for the examination but somehow will receive results, damn high tech.

next monday is physics common test, then thursday is geography class test. and the CNY week, we'll have economics class test. after CNY week will be geography common test. im used to the frequency of tests already, in fact im enjoying it lah. at least i dont get bored during tests and even if i fall asleep, the teacher wont wake me up like in front of the whole class or anything.

think our class got clean record for breaking apparatus in labs so far this year. at least i think nothing has been broken yet lah. LOL! compared to last year, i guess its a major improvement. from breaking a few test tubes to burette to beakers and everything to nothing.

i actually did the SS during lesson on thursday and completed it on time. since when have i ever been 'addicted' to doing SS. im gonna do the rest of the source-based she gave since there's like so few homework this weekend. doing it just in case i get too bored.

bumped into LL in the hall yesterday during release of results and he went 'yada yada yada' to me, and repeated it in english just in case i didnt get what he was saying in his strong chinese accent. he thinks i can do it but my parents think i cant do it. hmmm.. interesting. sometimes, i wished my cousin was in the thru train program so that i have 1 less person to be compared with, but unfortunately that isnt the case. next year CNY, i suppose all the grown-ups will be 'yada yada yada..' about our 3 results and comparing like as if academics is the most important thing in the world, which apparently isnt.

i love this year's emaths, everything is so easy & fun.
physics i really catch no ball. i see her then start laughing already.

Sian. the long delayed economics project i still havent research on it.

that G was so dumb yesterday! before results release, he was looking at someone's results and talking to that person. then he didnt know i was behind him, so i was actually looking at the results of his class. like how more stupid can he get? if walls have ears and there's actually space behind him, people can just walk silently up to see it, without him knowing.

2007-02-07T23:41:00.000+08:00

i cant actually believe that im still convincing myself that commonwealth secondary isnt such a bad choice after 3 years in that school. im still regretting it?

oh yes. 1 more test i failed. SS common test, i barely got an E8 for it. i bet im gonna be down for remedial sooner or later, and that's what i call 'a waste of time'! im weird. i was all smiles when i knew that i failed. all so much for sleeping during the test, but i seriously couldnt help it then. that was like the last period of the day & its a subject which i totally have no interest in, plus the whole school was so quiet... such a conducive environment for sleeping.

school is boring, holidays also boring, everything is boring, nothing is fun anymore, and that's exactly what im doing -- nothing! im so bored i just cant take it anymore. i was walking around the school during artclub yesterday, and disappearing every few moments. and im like sleeping during maths lessons because the things are all so boring i just get lulled to sleep eventually. the other day, got caught by quek for sleeping during physics lesson. and these few chinese lessons, been dozing off too. any idea how BORING it is?

i've sunk into depression. im really being as anti-social as possible. i value silence, peace & loneliness more than ever now. i just get pissed off with people who keeps talking and talking and talking non-stop to me when im not even replying. but anyway, its not that i dont know how to reply, rather, its just that i dont wish to reply. i simply dont feel like replying.

heard that our adam khoo workshop will be somewhen in march. think there's a high possibility of me crying. HA! anyway, since school reopened this year, i've been crying, but not too often lah. and im feeling super depressed over some unknown stuffs. i just feel down... and i dont want to talk because i dont want friends. because i know after O levels this year, i'll forget a great number of the people. so i rather not have a difficult time trying to forget any moments with the people. i know it sounds dumb. but ive really lost alot of things... that i cant bring myself to lose even more.

2007-02-03T20:54:00.000+08:00

as expected, i failed my speed of reaction test, in fact the whole class failed. but it isnt ms lim's fault, i think the topic wasnt really easy. its not that we didnt even try at all. well, but i should admit i didnt study for this test. HA! i think she's pissed with our class attitude already, so fast.

went to love fiesta @ JJC today. so i am very tired now. reach so early for what... think her time-telling device spoilt lah. made me rush all the way there. i bet she reached even before i stepped out of the house. rush there already met her and she left immediately. its so what lah... waste my time, if not i could have done my work and revise for upcoming tests.
after going JJC today, i think i may not consider it as one of my JC choices already, even though it offers the subject combination that i want, the only thing that looked decent to me was the field. the building itself looks so old, that it may collapse anytime soon. the shutters look so rusty too. the school is really small. the canteen is very dark and etc... GOSH! im now really studying aimlessly, without any JCs or poly courses in mind. i think im a weird person lah. every JC i also dont wanna go. NY so far, AC people very what, JJ very old, TJC very far, IJC very far, PJ very what, YJC very what, VJC is impossible, HCI is impossible, RJC is impossible, SAJC is so far, AJC is very far, CJC is very far, TPJC is very far too, NJC is quite hard for me to get in, MJC is i dont know where it is.

omg. its 3 more minutes to 12mn. i've just finished packing the stuffs into my room. i think i took less than 2h to do that. and its everything in my room! so efficient. xD and my room doesnt look as if its painted anyway. if im not wrong, the fengshui person gonna come tmr & so i have to stay at home... cant go out. anyway, i still have to do homework. havent even started on any yet. oh yes, my room's super tidy now. and the reason why i can pack so fast is because most of the stuffs are books, so i just have to stack them & slot them into the shelves.

next saturday cannot go out with other people already. my mother say gotta go malaysia. BLAH! but i thought its gonna be CNY soon? hmm.. whatever.

and today dont know why, suddenly my primary school friends started MSN-ing me. and i only found out today, on my way to jurong point, that the old jurong primary building is now pioneer primary. oh, and i found my red name tags for the school uniform! couz, yours is green right?

oh yes, monday need to remember to report early for common test. and its so gonna be maths day! before recess, emath. after recess, amath. after lunch, math remedial.

wanna sleep already. its 12:20am. and im very tired.

2007-02-01T18:15:00.000+08:00

im surprised i actually bothered to move my hand to hold the pen to do the social studies sbq. considering the fact that im thinking of "dropping" it & that perry came to say that kokila has collected it already, its highly likely i'll just stop doing it and start cursing and swearing deep in my heart. apparently that didnt happen... i completed it and submitted it after english remedial.

im a loyal visitor to the general office. think i go in at least once a week. went there to photostat some english ngee ann secondary comprehension because there was a shortage. shortage results in higher prices, but surprisingly, it was FOC.

expecting myself to fail the speed of reaction test. i did study, but i didnt understand. so yeah... and she came and stood behind me twice, waiting for me to write something down on my paper. but luckily now, i at least more of get what's the chapter about already. really gotta thank her for helping me. monday's common test already, still got time to study. HA!

i fell asleep during chinese lesson today. no idea how i ever did that, maybe i was too bored. i was just supporting my head with both my heads and looking at the passage until my eyes closed. but somehow, when he was going through answers, i woke up in time to copy it.

G didnt come today, so we had free period. cant remember exactly what i did, probably some unproductive things like trying to make myself sleep since i was so tired. physics lab was quite fun lah. that mr chua made me stand at the door to call in those people 1 by 1. then after that, the expt i anyhow do. its really so difficult to count. and he said "you die already. don't so violent." to me. that's like my second time being told by a teacher in the lab not to be so 'chulu'. 1st was chemistry last year. and as he predicted, right after he said that sentence, my whole spring flew off. but im better than people who had their stopwatch fly onto the floor. LOL!

english remedial was fun too. well, its so funny. i just kept laughing and laughing non-stop. and i stupidly went to queue when i dont need to, wasted my time, but it was worth it. =]

reached at 7.30am this morning, which was quite late. the bloody thing was i missed all the 4 buses! cos they came at the same time. so i started flagging for a taxi, but apparently, all of them were hired. so pissed off!

waiting for new timetable. yay! next monday dont have to report early too. but we're gonna have extra periods. nevermind, persevere.

was feeling kinda down & depressed today. but i felt so happy later. LOL!

gonna do differentiation, and do filing too! hmm.. havent done economics research yet. sucks!

hmm.. nothing much. i still cant do differentiation!

2007-01-28T22:48:00.001+08:00

thanks xcouz & peifang for cheering me up yesterday! i couldnt have imagined another day of crying myself to sleep...

went to downtown east at like 9am yesterday, that was kinda crazy cos it was so early. but its for some SPD thing, so its fine. when she said downtown east, i was like so damn shocked. oh whatever... then mrs teo drove us to white sands shopping mall after that. only got home after 10pm yesterday after going to the library and dinner at JE.

when i got home, my parents were painting the house green. painted till 2am last night, and they got up early this morning to continue again until around 7pm then was it completed. but my room isnt painted yet. havent even choose the colour yet -.- im choosing orange, but im not very certain though.

the whole of today, i was doing productive things. like ironing my uniform, organizing my notes etc. and digging out some worksheets. wrote lots and lots of notes for hours continuously and my right hand is so damn tired now.

havent study for the test tomorrow. im just planning to look thru the skills later on, after i have finished my english vocabulary. need a few moments of rest before i get on with the work.

yay! tomorrow dont need report early for amaths lesson. HAHA.

ohwell, whatever... many people saw me with her on friday already. there it goes... even mslim saw. maybe its my fault. mslim said 'give me a chance to teach', but did anyone give the other one the chance to teach? people take advantage of her because she's not exactly fierce. people take 15minutes to move from the artroom to the class for her 30min lessons. but to mslim? its another type of attitude we give her. despite having 1 lesser period of chemistry and wasting 15 minutes each week, we didnt really lag behind for chemistry last year. but at the start this year, we are already lagging FAR behind. anyway, i think both of them can teach equally well, just that im already used to msliao. and there's a saying in chinese called 'yinshuisiyuan'. back then, if msliao didnt teach us chemistry, can we understand what the heck mslim is teaching now? the fact that we can understand what mslim is teaching now is because we have the foundation there. the fact that people fail tests is only because they dont study. if people thinks she's BIAS, tell her. imagine 10 years down the road, you work as a toilet cleaner. your colleagues are all 60plus already. then people complain to your company and have you fired because being young means being inexperienced even though you clean your own house toilets every week since years ago. if people dont give chances, how do others earn their experiences?

we should all appreciate & treasure everything around us.
we must yinshuisiyuan.

2007-01-23T20:02:00.000+08:00

bloody hell! whatever lah, im always the one at fault.
i dont care who the heck is reading this post, a blog is my personal space, i rant all i want. feelings are not meant to be bottled up. want to read, then read.. who cares? i cant even track down the readers. and this is accessible by everyone anyway.

shit lah! damn. whatever...
i switched on the computer with my hands when everyone else was busy with something else. but i walked away to get a paper and i came back, then people seemed to suddenly be free enough to come and play games on the computer. and i waited and waited. after some time, i asked if i could use now. then, it became a quarrel. and it didnt end just here. i was so fed up already. then another stupid person came to disturb me and i just gave nickname because i was so damn pissed off already. and what the heck? i was scolded just because i gave nickname to someone who was irritating me non-stop! fuck man. and after that, everyone started chattering among themselves. saying i dont know how to behave. just cos im the youngest in this family, its always like that. and someone came to use the computer when i was having dinner, within 1 minute, all my files are gone! crap shit! i cant stand it anymore man. a family that's like that... who wants it? tell me. i can donate to you. thanks alot for everything. so what if teachers think im hardworking? they say im only half-hearted in studying. they dont see how hard i struggle lah. in this whole house, every night i try to do homework, people come knocking on my door, barging into my room and disturbing me. yes, just cos im the youngest, so they think they can do anything they want to. im tired of all this. school life, as everyone knows, isnt easy. and i cant even do my work in peace. just cos the rest of them in this house doesnt have extra work to do at home after knocking off, they choose to do anything they like. watching tv, talking on the phone and everything else. and its damn bloody loud i cant concentrate. its all getting on my nerves. sometimes, i rather tell them i get F9s instead of A1s. simple reason. if i say A1, they just say its by luck, and they say you must be joking or whatever shit crap. and when i say F9, they wont have too much of a reaction. so i wont have to be bothered by them. see the difference? yes, im wrong for everything. i wonder why i was born to this world even.. its wrong! people around me wish me good luck and happy birthday, but thats not what i get in this house. i get nothing of this. and im glad i choose not to take part in the essay competition. even though im really interested in economics and that essay somehow has something to do with it, i rather not take part. not because i think its a burden and not because i dont have the time, but its because of all that i've been saying about. opportunities dont knock twice, but im no longer bothered by this. last year, she also came and asked me about crystal growing but i didnt want to. now, i kinda regret it, it would have been a fun experience. im just giving up whatever opportunities that i have, chemistry and economics, both my favourite subjects, but i dont seem to care. i cant even use my internet properly, and now, people are vying to use the computer. do you think i'll be able to do it? even last year, i had a hard time trying to 'fight' for the computer to do the stupid 72 hours test thing. and i stayed till 2plus to complete it. but who cares? im PLAYING computer games. see what i mean, when im using the computer, its 100% for playing games. when im in my room, its 100% sms-ing or talking on the phone. no one knows what im actually doing. so they dont see the effort i put in. im already facing some difficulties with differenciation but im hanging on, trying to get the hang of it. do they know? they dont know. they think A1s are so easy to get. i was disappointed with what i did for the amaths common test yesterday, but so what? its been done. i got my mind off it and studied for chemistry. but they dont know, they dont care. they talk on the phone like as if the other party is half-deaf and on the volume of the television loud enough for the neighbours to hear it even.

so bloody pissed. thanks for spoiling my day. but i think you all failed in your mission, bunch of irritating failures in the house.

2007-01-22T17:30:00.001+08:00

how could she? like that threaten me!
i said 'bye senior' but i think she only heard the 'bye'.
Damn! nevermind, there's still more chances.

well, today was like amaths day for our class.
we had 2 amaths lesson, amath common test & amath remedial.
besides amath, we only had MT lesson & remdial.

shucks! i screwed my amath common test.
if she's gonna mark according to cambridge, im dead.
what the heck lah. something's wrong with me.
i finished all the questions, but my pagings were not correct.
it was all over the place, oh whatever...

cleaned my room yesterday, and now my room is like neater.
there's way way way lesser things in my drawers & cupboards.

now, to study for chemistry class test tmr!

2007-01-22T17:30:00.000+08:00

2007-01-21T01:05:00.000+08:00

i really feel like crying.
maybe its all pre-destined.
one after another, they're all leaving.
its all up to me, whether i want to remember them or just forget them.

i feel so lost.
why must it always be like that?
its been 2 weeks, nothing's improving.
i think its fate, we're not supposed to have met.
how many times has it happened?
im sick of it all... but what can i do?

whatever thats gonna happen, just let nature take its own course.
even if you go to a jc, i dont mind, its your dream.
i should be happy for you, even if it means we'll lose contact.
but is it really your dream? i dont know. i dont understand you well.

i have no choice, but to end the wait. the never-ending wait.
waiting for you is not a solution, i've wasted too much of my time.
that even if you'll eventually appear, my time lost is not worth it.

i can only cry, i feel so lost, so helpless.
but i wont forget all that memories we once shared.
at least crying is better.
i will emerge a stronger person after all those tears.

2007-01-19T15:02:00.000+08:00

studycamp is over! and i feel great. cos its like we've never been dismissed at 12plus for so long already. oh yes, and monday gotta report to school by 730am for amaths lessons for our class. hopefully i wont be too forgetful.

reached home at around 2plus and that's already considered freaking early for me, so im enjoying today. ahh! but well, our plans were all thwarted. maybe tmr, we shall see how. =]

jan's not even ending yet & my allowance is gonna be used up soon, even though i dont buy much in school. i only remember buying a disc, foolscap pad, cake only. all the other money goes elsewhere. oh yeah! now i remember. but that's only a quarter of my allowance spent on that day, i wonder what happened to another three-quarters of my allowance. i still gotta get a present for my brother's 21st birthday hopefully. which means i gotta get my butt off the chair. apparently, i cant remember when he is celebrating his birthday too! it should either be 3 feb or 10 feb even though his birthday is exactly 1 week after valentines. so feb is like a month of celebrating for me. imagine every weekend, CNY and birthday celebrations.

i dont know why this morning, on the bus, i suddenly thought of all that has happened when i was younger. all the events and details of my life so far. all the people whom i've met and left. all the things i've achieved. people change, and we should always be ready to accept their new self. back then, if i werent given a chance, i wouldnt have been like this today. also, if no one had helped me and guided me along, i wouldnt have been like this today.

this weekend gotta finish alot of things!
2 english assessment books.
1 english report.
chemistry tys.
5 a maths worksheets.
1 chinese worksheet.
1 chemistry worksheet.
3 physics worksheet.
1 combined humanities worksheet.

plus...
economics project.
geography project.
CME project.

=] im not gonna moan & groan. sure can finish lah!

plus...
a maths common test.
nitrogen test.
sulphur test.

i can do it! haha.

2007-01-09T20:47:00.000+08:00

blah! my stupid internet connection is really pissing me off.

anyway, school's been okay the past 2 days. there's not really much homework.

im happy today. cos ms liao's reaction was so funny... and the sentence she said last saturday. cant believe she would wanna say this kinda bo liao thing. lalala~ found her today and we talked for short while only during lunch break. i like her!

received yearbook, not very nice.

sneaked out of artclub today. haha.

hmm.. actually wanted come online to do my chinese homework on that guy. but apparently, my stupid internet connection isnt working + i dont have microsoft office + my printer isnt plugged in. so i decided not to do, dont care about him. he has never scolded me before lah.

and that stupid econs research gonna be assessed. so shit! cos i cant even use internet properly & the stupid school that's bloody emphasising on use of IT apparently doesnt have any computers available to students yet. Damn!

my luck's been pretty down lately, whatever.
reached home so late yesterday & my whole block no lights. and its like this particular block only! somehow, the lifts were working so i was a bit lucky.

whatever.
anyway i felt so happy yesterday cos im happy about what i have done for the english common test. and also, i finished my a maths remedial worksheet before i left the class. so happy! haha. =]

2007-01-07T13:41:00.000+08:00

looking forward to next saturday!

yay. i know which jc i wanna go already. JJC! haha. my mother also want me to go there too. and so, maybe i should go there. but what the teachers said make sense, its not about doing just well enough to be able to get in but its about doing well enough to have as many opportunities as possible. and JJC is so near too, probably the only nearest one to my house only. hopefully i can get into the college of my choice and also be able to do what i want to -- take H3 chem! im so gonna work hard to get what i want. actually, JJC also not too bad mah.. anyway, its never my hope to get into jc like nj, sa, ac, aj, hci, rj, vj. lalalalala! feels so great.

tmr got english common test. should go study for it, my narrative always very bad.

got tons of hmwk left. like physics tys, chemistry tys, english articles, resource bank, assessment books. so much! cos i let them all pile up.. i WILL finish 90% of them. cos english really too much. gotta visit popular some time soon to acquire notebook geography. i keep forgetting this anyway.

yay! this friday got a maths test on sets & matrices. again, i WILL study for it. last year this time, i was already satisfied with passing. but since sets & matrices are easy topics, must do well. haha.

i gotta re-find all my info for the econs research again. cos of my computer! someday, i gonna get a thumbdrive when i've saved up. and im gonna install the printer and install microsoft office and everything. blah! doing all these is boring.

back to doing hmwk. xD

first post of 2007

2007-01-04T20:52:00.000+08:00

yes.. xmas is over, 2007 is here, and im going through the starting of secondary 4 life. maybe im the emotional type, i've been holding back my tears during a few lessons already for different reasons.

been going on with really few food for yesterday & today. havent tried out the school canteen food yet. barely time for me to eat anyway. and i seriously dont have appetite. i ended up biting straws and chopsticks -.-

computer was down previously. and what the heck! i lost all my files once again. GREAT! it's just that irritating. my slides, research, photos, videos & many other stuffs. its CRAP!

late for ms lim's lesson today. well, im just really really damn busy okay. lesson time is just paying attention. recess & lunch time & after school hours are all sacrificed to get ready for open house. but i know its not a valid excuse to be late for lessons, so just let her scold. i have to be responsible.

not gonna say about genting trip. im seriously not free!

when saturday comes, everything's gonna be over & i'll hopefully have peace then.

i havent completed my holiday homework yet. and im gonna like spend my entire weekend doing & marking the assessments for english. Damn! i caused this for myself. & i havent done my resource bank. and there's still some more articles to be done.

and it's really like what the heck! mrs loh came in & told us we'll be the last batch under the first 3 months thing, & G came in and told us we're not under that batch. like if we dont know whatever's going on, how do we even know what we should be doing? sheer CRAP! the system's really really messy & i hate it!

really really gotta thank all the teachers that helped us to get that stuff done. been going home with body aching all around and the urge to sleep cos im really really tired! all the stuffs she made us do.

nothing much happened. school's been kinda weird.

ms liao's not teaching us anymore... frankly speaking, i was kinda sad when i first knew it that i wanted to cry. maybe it sounds stupid but its just me. i was sad for the entire day but then ms liao was actually the one who made my day like wayyy better for everything she done! she seriously rocks! and i must really really get the A1 for chemistry... i cant go on getting A2 for examinations because its below my standard.

wont be coming online really often. cos of the internet connection & every other thing. and because all my files are gone again!

kinda hating this building. our projector screen is slanted, so probably we'll have tilted heads so as to stand out from the rest of the school population. then our classes dont have the bell & teachers are dragging lessons. the classroom is kinda big and i cant really hear the teachers speaking. there's a 'clapping' class next block which is clapping & clapping for all i know.

and oh yes.. im like so so so in a dilemma. its like every or at least most english teachers keep advising us to do narrative & descriptive essays as general guideline. i really dont know what to do. its like those are not what im better at. during secondary 2, G commented that i should do argumentative & expository essays. and the first time i attempted an expository essay, i got marks that i were really satisfied with. whereas EOY i attempted narrative, i screwed it up & failed badly. i really dont know who to listen to... its kinda hard in this kinda situation. i should listen to myself...

and i think what it meant already! so yes.. im gonna improve on that.

it all concludes this post. this computer is kinda dysfunctional without all the programs & im lazy to install them again.. so whatever..

2006-12-25T16:49:00.000+08:00

after feeling so full for the whole of yesterday, im feeling hungry for the whole of today! i've been eating & eating non-stop because i feel hungry even though i might have been eating continuously for the past hour. so im just chewing & munching on almost every edible thing in sight. BLAH!

okay.. i think im not feeling well. at least not 100% well. haha! having a headache, and im eating & eating non-stop and feeling more hungry than before. whatever!

its christmas.
rainy christmas.
boring christmas.
sick christmas.
irritating christmas.
lonely christmas.

my stupid internet keeps disconnecting non-stop either when im blogging or when i sign in to MSN.
freaking irritating.

plus everything else...
it all sums up to a damn irritating christmas.

the worst christmas ever.
BAD BAD BAD!
things going wrong..

my eyes are so tired.
i wanna close them.
but my mind isnt tired.
i wanna do my homework.
something's getting over me.
im losing control of myself.

my head feels heavy.
and the world around is spinning.

i seriously dont feel well physically.
maybe its due to the lack of sleep.
im cutting down on my sleep cos ive been going out these few days.

i dont really feel like going to genting.
i dont wanna come back sick and weak all over.
i dont wanna be tired for the first day of school.
its not a good start for the academic year.

i gotta get a hold on myself.

2006-12-24T19:38:00.000+08:00

came back from malaysia. =D
just had pizza for dinner and im damn full now.

drank 2 glasses of lemon tea today.
1 which is sweet & 1 which is sour.

and there was no jam at all!
even though we didn't use double A paper.
guess it's been so long since i last went malaysia.
now then i know can just scan passport ourselves.
then i had to go to duty officers there! >.<
something wrong with me perhaps, last time go elsewhere also like that.

bought a converse tote bag.
and it's damn cheap! RM14.95 only, and it's authentic lah!
well, actual price was 49.90 but we got privilege. xP
and it was also the last stock left. HAHA!
recently all the white things i got happen to be last piece available.
=))
wanted to buy shoes but couldnt find a suitable one.

lunched at some HK style food place.
and i was so damn full after that.

xmas is coming!!!
&tis the season to ENJOY.
but im lazy to change my MSN nick.

tomorrow gonna cut hair...
so i wont have messy and un-manageable hair.
and also, in time for the new academic year.
but then dont know go where cut also.
the salon which i always go to is no longer there.
and i dont like the new salon over there.

freaked out just now, cos of my father.
i came home and started sms-ing non-stop.
then he asked me is 1000 enough?
so i told him its only 500 to anyone, and next 500 specifically to singtel only.
then he said like that worse... receive sms also got charge.
and when he said that, i was looking at my message log lah!
sent messages 200plus, received messages 200plus.
and it's less than a month yet, probably 1 more week to go.
somemore i use my old number sometimes.
when my old number expires, i can only use the new number.
and i dont know how much im gonna sms lah.
plus its the festive season all coming!

these few days come online for awhile only.
cos of my stupid brother lah.
keep saying i can use it some other time.
like as if his games are damn important like that.
he's also nowhere near being a professional game player.
yeah.. another reason why i always gotta RUSH my IT work.
next year he gonna ORD and enrolling in poly, hopefully he gets a laptop himself.
oh but its O level year already, maybe i wont use as often.
plus the school is no longer near my house, means less time for me.

BLAH! havent figure out my way to the new school yet.
anyway, 1h should be enough to reach from my house.
and that means i will still be able to sleep till 6am. xD

hmmm... is there any festive season shows tonight?
havent even touched today's sunday times yet.
HAHA! who said i'll even touch it anyway?
perhaps later.. i dont know when is later though. =/

school's reopening!
and im so gonna be cured of my boredom, like finally.
thank god.

anyway, off to do my 'Advanced Vocabulary For O Level' with the help of www.dictionary.reference.com
i know how to 'ying shui si yuan' =] still credit the site.

and before i ALMOST forget and click on 'Publish Post',
MERRY XMAS everyone. still not happy new year yet.

2006-12-23T22:05:00.000+08:00

im so damn tired, physically.
slept so early last night around 11plus and woke up like 12pm.
took my brunch and went back to sleep again until 4:30pm.
after that, went to bathe and my eyes can be opened abit more.

going malaysia whole day tomorrow.
and that's gonna be another day gone.

BLAH!

2006-12-22T19:45:00.000+08:00

went out yesterday & today.

blackout yesterday too! we were in IMM then. and some guy shouted 'merry xmas!' after that, went to lot 1. only gotta reach home at like 8pm. no appetite for dinner.

today go schools. the old one was locked then we couldnt go in. BLAH! walked all the way to new school campus. nothing much happened there. okay lah, funny stuffs. LOL! someone stomachache, then almost rolled down the stairs, then got blew away by the strong wind. =))

have yet to complete homework, let alone start on revision. and its like holidays are ending lah! seriously have not much time left, will be away on next friday, then only come back when school starts.

realised we're going out every friday. HAHA! but next friday cannot already.

my legs are tired.

2006-12-20T22:12:00.000+08:00

boring lah.

tomorrow gotta meet my mother at IMM.

whatever...

wanted to do research in afternoon.
but my internet had connection problems.
so i went to sleep!

i really need to convince myself that doing homework may not always be bad.

but, is convince a form of deception? =/

2006-12-20T11:15:00.000+08:00

my stupid IE connection.. disconnecting every few minutes.
grit my teeth & bear with it.
there sure are worst things than this.

stayed up last night till 2plus to do newspaper articles.
now still left with 8 more, each for english & chinese.
completed photostating work for economics articles.
dug out articles for english & chinese already. YAY!

yesterday rained so heavily till it flooded even on MSN.
=)) but the flood subsided within 1 minute.
it's said that it was due to the super short lag time.
however, geography students please bear in mind - no matter how short the lag time is, the peak discharge will never come before the peak rainfall on a storm hydrograph, like what i've done for my geography eoy p2. =/

surprise!
i woke up today and found that it's not raining.

mum's on half-day leave tomorrow.
i bet we're going IMM, to collect her spectacles.

my brother is so boliao. ownself got phone still keep using my phone to take videos & waste my battery.

HAHA! yesterday i keep hearing the ambulance siren.
and there was traffic jam at the expressway.
think it only ended at like 10pm?

there's still no quiz on edulearn yet.
and it's so so so boring! Grr.
anyway, who cares if we dont attempt the quizzes.

oh yes. i stumbled upon this question yesterday.
'fat' and 'slim' are like the total opposite of each other.
so why does 'fat chance' & 'slim chance' mean the same?

the weather is like getting worse nowadays.
maybe due to climate change & global warming those kinda stuffs.
i think indonesia is kinda selfish. their haze problem is a MAN-MADE issue and they dont wanna solve it when it can be easily solved. what the heck! can they like think of their neighbours? i know their economy probably survives on agriculture. im not saying that they should stop burning and farming. but at least, do it in a better way? like high-tech farming can? they're so selfish! people offer to help & they dont accept the offer, like what attitude. Damn! the thing is they dont offer our help, yet they still dont solve the problem by themselves. maybe we all should just stop importing indonesia foodstuffs until they switch to high-tech farming. its not like their slash-and-burn method very wise also lah. what they do contributes alot to the climate change! lesser trees, haze, air pollution, more carbon dioxide, waste natural resources.
their stupid haze problem can easily be solved but they're stubborn.
some stuffs like monsoon, cannot be easily solved lah. may natural disasters destroy their crops! maybe another protocol should be reached at such that if indonesia's ANNUAL clearing of forests pollute neighbouring countries' air and their PSI reach above 100 for how many days continuously, indonesia should compensate for it. stupid lah! monsoon rains make people sick, but at least not as bad as the haze. especially for those people with asthma problems.

then again, farming is their main source of income earner. its like china too, manufacturing lots of products and i think the factories pollute the air too. but at least, people dont complain right..
meanwhile, i shall just grit my teeth & bear with it.

sad to say... acjc is not my dream college anymore.
i've thought about it. i think it isnt suitable for me.
first, its christian. if its just christian, i dont mind.
but because there are many other issues too...
not racial issues -.-
so now.. i dont know what jc to go.
anyway, there's like 1 more year to decide.
unless i hear more good things for acjc, if not i'll go other colleges.
maybe i'll just go cjc, ajc or jjc, pjc. no idea yet.
i dont know what my bleak future holds for me.

time is passing by so quickly!
back to doing research for project.
]:

COUNTING DOWN: 5 days to xmas!!!
i think i'll have a lonely xmas.

2006-12-19T01:58:00.000+08:00

GRR! i give up...

i give up printing anything. Damn! how timely to break down.
my stupid printer cant print anything. now, it has lost its status of being a printer.

i give up finding on central banks for now.

everything's pissing me off.

reading organic chemistry is wayyy better.

2006-12-18T21:31:00.000+08:00

im still procrastinating! =]
sorry, im just trying to make it sound like a good thing.

went out with my mother again, to bukit panjang plaza.
she bought a whole load of clothes, for herself.
i still cant find a suitable bag lah...

Central Banks!
that's supposed to be my topic for economics project.
but i dont feel like doing it... or at least not yet.
its so hard to study in singapore, so much competition.
i dont feel like doing this piece of work, but i feel very guilty.
especially since this is mr G's work... and a subject that i like.
he told me that im hardworking, and advised me not to slack.
maybe i should stop all this crap.. and wake to my senses!
everything seems to be so difficult to me now...

BLAH!
im so fortunate to live near the old school building.
bumped into ms latimer today, and i didnt know lah.
cos i took of my spectacles as it was misty..
then i saw this lady, without my spectacles on.
after she walked past me, that person exclaimed 'Hi!'
and i was shocked. then i realised its ms latimer.
then only did i mumble a 'Hi' in return to hers...

my crow scolded my pig because it was too my-crow-scold-pig to be seen with the naked eye.

feeling guilty. feeling bad. feeling extremely uneasy.
all my fault for procrastinating so much.
why the heck did i even started slacking?
i gotta work hard towards my dream college!

even during PSLE.. i wasn't sure if i would qualify to enter this school.
it was only until i received my results that i was abit surprised.
but still... i have underperformed. its below my standard.
thanks to not studying & playing all day long!
Damn. jingwei is such a lazy person, such a slacker.

i only have 2 options. forget about acjc or forget about slacking.
i wanna choose the latter, but am i ready to do so?

let me research on central banks!
a way to start me off. =]
there's no motivation for me to study.

i hope... 1 day, it will stop raining.
and i hope that day will come soon!

2006-12-18T13:15:00.000+08:00

havent been productive for the last few days.
it's either COMPUTER or OUT...
but anyway, it's fine. holidays supposed to be enjoyable!
if we miss the enjoyable moments now, there wont be much time for us once school reopens.

mum's on leave tomorrow & going dental with brother in the morning.
so that means i can sleep at home until they get back and wanna go out again. LOL!
thursday she'll be on half-day leave again.
brother's on leave since last week all the way till this friday.

anyway, went to plaza singapura with family today.
after that, we went to people's park OG.
and took 147 back to clementi for dinner & came back home.
then, that's like almost half the day gone.
the other half of the day is for me to sleep! =]

listened to 'zhou gong jiang gui' on YES 933 last night.
the 2nd story was about the story of an expressway or something like that.
but he didn't say which expressway it was though...
then i remembered ms tan told us a ghost story which was the same, and it was the expressway near the school field. that's like if i look out from my window, i'll be looking at that expressway! >.<

read up on organic chemistry last night.
it seems damn fun lah! all the alkane & alkene stuffs.
LOL! but i only read the first chapter of organic chem only.
havent read on alcohols and macromolecules.
im so guai right, listen to irene lim's advice! x)
sometimes, i wish i can take H3 chemistry... haha! sounds tough though.

oh yes! forgot to mention that i bought some chocolates!
bought them just for the sake of buying... just cos i got the urge to BUY and not eat.
but i believe it will be finished within a month.. i suppose.

last night.. i was boliao then i go calculated some stuffs. and it's like my brother ORD will be 21 years old already. after that, he will enrol in some poly and by the time he graduate, hopefully with a diploma, will be 24 years old at least. that's like.... his education so long lah! for me i still dont know yet.

roughly about 10 more days for me to chiong everything.
and it includes the newspaper articles & english assessment.
well well... i hate vocabulary! but for the sake of Os 2007... BLAH!
just hang in there. what else can i do?

i saw popular sell foolscap pack of 5 pads each, 2 pack $7.90 only! that's like damn cheap. one pad only costs less than 80cents.

im losing momentum already. beginning of holidays, i was still hardworking. english remedial everyday and go school everyday but still got do homework. now, im starting to slack already. LOL! im scared of combined humanities. i dont like this subject! but... i think maybe i should just try memorising it. my SBQ is fine, can get at least B though i dont study cos its all crapping. but its always my SEQ which determines my final mark. and since i dont study, i fail. simple as that =]

i overheard the promoter at OG. he said that there was 1 old lady asked him where's cruks shoes? then that guy, standing in front of the Clarks shoes, pointed up to the board and said 'neh. Clarks lor.' the lady said 'no. no. i want cruks. C-R-O-C-S.' -.- get your pronounciation right next time. i bet cruks is a cross between crocs & clarks, though i havent seen it for myself yet.

everyone else is sleeping & im still awake! and using the computer.
nevermind... i shall go read up more on organic chemistry. to keep myself occupied till the moment i fall asleep. =]

2006-12-15T21:00:00.000+08:00

YAY!

just what can i say. i only wanna say F words!
Fun & Fabulous Friday lah...

i bet she's flew off already. yes, maybe it's kinda sad... but nevermind, 1 day we'll still be able to go out with her and enjoy ourselves. good things are always worth the wait!

sort of forgot that she's flying off today cos we were so occupied with doing other stuffs.

today went out from like morning till night. and it's so funny lah! at like 6plus, all our parents started calling in one by one. then our reply were more or less the same -- going home soon. but then it was only until they called us the 2nd time only then did we part. HA!

anyway, today went out at 10plus. then reached JEC and found a seat while waiting for them. after that went arcade together. and i topped up $5, now im left with $4.85 in the card! >.< shouldn't even have topped up lah. but i thought i used finished all the money last time... then we only found 1 machine that's suitable for the 3 of us, so we started playing. after that, went to K-Box & loiter outside. then went to see the charges and go out loiter again. we decided to go down, then go up again. eh, at least we didn't take like 20 to 30 minutes to decide right! we finally went in at like 11plus. towards the end, i was so bo liao then go choose 'mary had a little lamb' and 'happy birthday'. LOL! can't stand the 'mary had a little lamb' MV or whatever.. its just damn funny. and we were like waiting and waiting for the people to shoo us out at 2.30pm, but apparently, none came. so we finished our last song and switched to some korean songs. so bad lah... heh! couz, i didn't say what happened about you... =] protect your face.

after that went to arcade outside loiter. actually wanted play last game but decided not to. then, that was the time we walked around and around, planning what to do next. actually wanted to go new school compounds but i wasn't sure if i would be allowed in wearing home clothes. then we went to Creative warehouse. nothing much over there. that VQJ lah, bring us walk that route until our shoes muddy and feet also tio a bit mud. and she walk so damn fast somemore. >.< then reached there already went toilet and VQJ kena chased out by cleaner. after that, she wanted go in to wash hand then that cleaner chased her out again and was staring at us. TSK! then went in already started exploring first. after a while, VQJ started playing that computer game which made me dizzy looking at it because the resolution was too high and it was moving and moving lah! decided to sit on those kiddies furniture while waiting for VQJ. in the end, she played for so long and so, we left first. and we finally crossed the road and crossed that wooden plank. VQJ couldn't get across the road! xP then walking on that muddy path halfway, it started drizzling and we started running. and we were stuck on this spot for like so long wondering how to get across. then we looked at how others cross first, and we walked back and follow them. though it was muddy and tiring, it's kinda FUN! it makes us wonder how to get across lah. except for that VQJ walk so fast and leave us alone. walked back to JE MRT then we sat down and started chatting until our family members started calling. LOL!

came back and met my family at the coffeeshop for dinner -- chicken rice. my mother keeps saying its delicious.

thanks couz for that stuff. HA! good luck for your appeal, i really really hope you can get into ACJC cos that's my dream college too! if heaven permits, then we shall be senior & junior once again in another school, okay. x) wait for me, i will fight my way there. HAHA! we MUST keep in contact! =]

my hand was abit shaky while taking the last picture. =/
anyway, that was the way we took to go creative, near my mother's workplace & half the distance from my house to the new school compounds. if there was a new bus service going direct from my house to the school, it would save alot of travelling time! Damn.. but there isn't. now i gotta go all the way to interchange and come out again. >.<

i think hardships really bring people together. that one above not really hardship lah. but it can be considered a hardship for the normal city life lah, where got people go walk this kinda route... and somemore, our generation never live in kampong, we never experience before. me & couz were waiting for each other and figuring out a dry path instead of stepping on the mud and laughing at VQJ. LOL! only that VQJ lah.. walk so fast. gan zhe qu tou tai or what? -.-

today's outing was a success!
singing all the FLY songs -.-

new skin

2006-12-15T00:30:00.000+08:00

changed the skin again.. due to the existence of boredom.

something funny happened just now, but well i forgot.
my brother and i were arguing about each other being lame.
then my mother, as curious as ever, asked what's the meaning of lame.
as usual, we went quiet. then my mother said 'LAME. both.'
and my brother patted his 2 legs -.- without my mother noticing.

after a short while... we saw an ad on tv.
and i said 'not funny lor.' then started laughing.
my brother, sitting down, used his hand to lift up his leg to show me.
-.-

BLAH! anyway... my brother cures me of boredom.

practically every night, we'll go disturb each other.
then say 'childish! lame!' whatever...
i mean, every night, as in if he's around.

now.. it feels strange to fight like we once did when we were young.
but i think all those so-called fighting were a part of growing up.
we have nothing to fight over now, so we dont fight.
amazing how we can communicate easily even with 5 years gap.

and few days ago, we were playing around with our phones.
snapping photos of each other & taking videos.
then i uploaded mine to the computer to let my parents see how lame it is.

she's flying off today.
BON V@YAGE!

xmas is coming.
there wont be penguins, there wont be xmas trees, and maybe there wont be santa claus.
all these are probably gonna experience white xmas.

oh yes!
that day my brother's friend commented on me being hardworking.
apparently, he overshot the route on his way to my brother's room.
and saw me in my room doing some work. after which, i fell asleep on the pile of books.
until before he left, i went to get a drink to refresh myself. COKE!

my brother's celebrating his 21st birthday next year.
hah! so fast. we even booked the chalet already.
but he's celebrating in advance to avoid clash with cny.
it means something like he's gonna get 2 red packets??
oh well, i hate cny. damn!

actually.. i dont find this skin nice.
but i think there's a special meaning for me...
xmas; lalalala~

santa claus isNT coming to town...........

'deck the halls' was rather watch-able lah. it was only a bit touching at the end but it wasnt what was important in that movie. it's a festive season show. and therefore, it's all about decorating their house for xmas.

counting down. 10 days to xmas!

2006-12-14T15:41:00.000+08:00

i seriously think im addicted to blogging.
700plus posts already... 2 years passed.. and im still at it.

now, i wanna blog so much, but there's absolutely nothing for me to blog about.
hah! sometimes i wonder if there are even readers... think they'll all be bored though.

#1 Are you an english or chinese freako?
currently an english one, for the sake of Os 2007.

#2 If time is going to stop, what would you possibly do during that period of time?
buy a new watch. my old watch probably have spoilt in such cases.

#3 Do you prefer a playpool or playground?
i fit in none.

#4 Do you usually gossip others or others gossip you?
how would i know if others were gossiping me. my brain doesnt control their mouths.

#5 Do you like simple or complicated stuff?
complicated stuff, cos my life is too simple right now!

#6 Do you tackle numbers better, or alphabets?
numbers, though i dislike the fact.

#7 What makes you pissed off?
senseless responses when im being damned serious for the few times in my life.

#8 How's your childhood?
i wouldnt say its deprived, as in the case with many classmates.

#9 Do you have inspiration without perspiration?
i believe my sweat glands are active even when im asleep.

#10 Do you think 24 hours is too short, too long or just ok?
oh whatever. its just fair everyone gets 24 hours, right...

#11 Would you judge people by the appearance?
definitely not. perhaps cos i dont have good judgement sense.

#12 What is attractive in your eyes?
nothing in my eyes in attractive, or people would be robbing me of my eyes.

#13 Do you like the day or night, explain why?
night! that's when i become a hardworking slacker. =]

#14 Do you treasure stuff that you own, or you have insatiable desires?
well.. it seems im easily satisfied.

#15 If your computer just hanged up with a long long document not being saved, how will you react?
no big reaction. i can easily find a back-up somewhere else if it's that important.

#16 Do you believe in miracles?
not until a miracle has happened for me.

#17 Do you often tend to forget about the past, or trying hard to do so?
i havent got anything as close as dementia yet.

#18 In your mind, what colours are out there?
nice question! i havent have time for a brain operation to open up my mind to find out what colours are there yet.

#19 Have you ever pity those who are real pitiful, shed tears for them, etc.?
hmm... have i ever come by someone who is real pitiful?

#20 Describe yourself as in attitude.
procrastinate

#21 Do you suddenly lose the grasp of hope to survive as yet?
no way. why would i?

#22 Give 3 advantages when you get to live.
i have a life. i experience life. i understand life.

#23 What is your ambition in life?
pursue chemistry. if not, economics.

#24 Do you believe in horoscope etc?
interesting. i would like to say that 20 april is sometimes reflected as aries and other times reflected as taurus.

#25 Describe music in your life.
music is just as simple as music, until i get to mess with it and make music complicated.

#26 Which country would you like to go; when you can afford it?
australia, again. i dont mind going there as often.

#27 What do you think blogging is about?
in my case, it's jingwei talking to jingwei.

#28 What kind of style are you trying to get hold of?
none! i go for originality.

#29 When you fail a test, how will you react?
i will walk up and take the paper from the teacher's hand. but i do that when i pass too. no big deal about failing, seriously. afterall, those things on the scripts can only remain as lifeless numbers forever.

#30 Pass this to 5 friends.
time to show how selfish i am, i will pass it to myself 5 times.

being jingwei, i have a few words to say if you read through that questionnaire. okay... anyway, all the answers reflect jingwei's boredom. im speaking on behalf of jingwei for the fact that im jingwei.

well.. anyway, why do people say that women are skimpily dressed when they reveal like their shoulders or their back? why cant we say guys are skimpily dressed when they are not putting on a top? its weird how this universe is... everything puzzles me.

i rather be the young innocent me, asking as much questions as possible. that was when my creativity and naiveness was unlimited. but through years of studying, though i understood much more about the universe, my creativity has decreased tremendously.

hmm.. finally going out with them tomorrow like since how long... well, it's still fine. at least we go out. i just hope things wont go haywire and the plans wont be thwarted. the fact still remains, i havent been to the arcade for donkey years. and i mean it seriously...

its still raining! i hope tomorrow will be a bright and sunny day. she's flying off tomorrow.

i hate staying at home during the holidays. for like the hours im awake while my parents are working, they keep calling and calling and calling. i dont care a heck anymore. i'll just ignore their calls or hang up the phone to prevent them from calling. you know how bloody irritating it is. if they have to call non-stop, i rather they are at home.

ugh! going off to do some house chores. and shall go bathe. i think my brother's hogging the toilet right after he came back. >.<

2006-12-14T12:36:00.000+08:00

i plucked 1 strand of white hair 2 nights ago.

hmm.. im slowly starting to do maths. well, majority of the tys questions are easy, that's why i was so damn bored doing it. i just keep falling asleep.

still truck loads to be accomplished this holidays.

so many people are flying off this holidays. or rather, some have already flew off. very nice to fly meh? -.-

im so so so tired now. my IE connection is super super unstable!

anyway... ... ...
dont give up till the last moment.
must have confidence in yourself. [though i dont have -.-]
surrre can! de.

i just realised maths is rather important. and i cant abandon it during JC. so sad... maths is really really boring! just playing around with numbers only. anyway... i think it's fine if i cant get into acjc already, since my mother doesnt like me doing so. >.<>

UGH! my mother's on leave next monday & thursday too, if im not wrong. and she wants to go somewhere... i cant remember where -.-

working beats studying lah. though no school holidays, you still get quality money for quality work, unlike us students. and at least for me, i dont see my parents working OT or staying up late just to work. the moment they reach home, they forget about work. unlike us students. holidays so what? school is still bothering us. but nevermind, it's for the future. struggle now and hopefully have a better future.

my phone's got some stupid problem. the timings all wrong, and i dont know how to set it. darn! it's like say 12pm i just received message, and it shows like i received the message hours earlier. and its for all the messages too.. blah. dont know how to set it. and i bought that casing for the phone. but if i wanna use the music stand, i gotta take out the casing if not the phone cant fit in. blah! whatever... i'll still like the phone. because it's not the phone's fault.

i used peifang's phone to play a dumb song yesterday. and it immediately became low batt -.- haha!

was late yesterday cos i was cutting my fingernails at 9am xP

nothing much to blabber about.

oh yes, terrible dreams about my family members. i dont wanna talk about it. its like the 2nd dream of this series lah. you know, starting it's so happy & fun with the family. then it's like really really really suddenly, a damn bad thing happens and i just wake up. what the heck! 99% of the dream was happy moments and the last 1% was damn bad.. spoils my sleep. no wonder im so tired now. i wonder who i'll dream of next... -.- so freaking dreams.

xmas in singapore not fun meh?
why people not in singapore for xmas one?
going for white xmas is it?
HAIYO!

another case of jingwei talking to jingwei.
cos jingwei is too bored.

2006-12-13T17:21:00.000+08:00

thunderstorm.

seems like things arent working out.
and once again, it's US backing out.

never give up till the last moment.

maybe, some things arent meant to be ours, its no use how hard we fight.

anyway, went to JRL in the morning.
and there's a noisy 'storyteller' reading aloud at level 3.
all of us sitting there were so damn pissed with him.
-.-
there were very few people. and it was shivering cold!
did a little bit of maths & i was super sian already.

A: why?
B: i dont know.
A: nevermind. i will go look up the encyclopedia.

shouldn't give up so easily.
anyway, good things are worth the wait.

2006-12-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

i screwed the dates on purpose!
so this post will remain on top.

anyway, couz...
just wanna tell you, if you ever have the chance to see this while you're still away, that i have that _ _ _ _'s photo! the one you keep saying cute. i have the photo! and it's not backview. it's frontview. and he's posing for it somemore. =]

BLAH! just to make you jealous only. you'll have to wait till you're back then i can send you.

xPpPpP

anyway, have fun & enjoy yourself.

i'll be having fun with your sis.

oh yeah, a few more things.
- careful, don't repeat what your aunt did in the hotel before.
- careful, don't slip down/ fall down/ injure yourself.
- don't miss your sis too much, she's so anti-climax. [tell you next time]
- don't be too chu lu or forgetful.

-.-

cya soon.

i think i'm outta my mind.

2006-12-12T14:50:00.000+08:00

"magnificent" week.

well, if i were ms kokila, i would be bored to that.
sorry. but she pronounces death this way. =/

let me think...
that deprived childhood teacher.
hmm.. i even wonder how it got round the class.
maybe it's just telepathy.
students can only think of 'deprived childhood'.

what else did we have...
big baby.

seems as if my memory's failing me.
Damn!

school's starting in about 3 weeks time.
like who doesn't know?
hope to get back all the same teachers.
i dont mind lianglu being chinese teacher.
but i'll have to re-consider him being CM.
where's our classroom even?

weird how i started liking the teachers.
hmm... things happened without me knowing.

new year... new building... new start!
hope it would be a better year for the class.

50 minutes block. wonder how's it working out.

still 1 thing on my mind...
where's the sick bay?

i hate to hear people say she's biased towards me.

put an end to the thousands of seconds of slacking;

2006-12-10T13:36:00.000+08:00

oh yes.. 1 week has passed.
with adjectives, 1 repetitious week has passed slowly.

but still, it's better than racing against time, so just treasure it!

hmm... yay! i finished geography last night. =]
anyway, i still dont know what's cool temperate and what's cold temperate.
but so far as i know, i think the one in the textbook is correct.
BLAH! i dont think we even learnt cold temperate.. or did we?
conclusion after completing the assignment, it's high time i go read up on plate tectonics. i can avoid plate tectonics SEQ at O levels for all i want, but MCQ isn't optional. and my knowledge on plate tectonics really gonna stop me from getting A1. natural vegetation is supposed to be what im best at, but yes, i forgot the details. oh yeah, i've also gotta read up on chapter 1 & 3 of marianne chong. i detest chapter 1! HAHA.. i didn't even read those 2 chapters for end-of-year because i was racing against time. no use starting revision for content-based subjects only 2 or 3 weeks before it starts. oh yes, another thing! erosion & deposition. that thing's making me wayyy confused. but nevermind, i remember how G taught me that using the running track example. kinda funny, but as long as it guarantees my A1, then well.. overall, there's much more i gotta be doing for geography!

LOL. i downloaded the chemistry solutions already. solutions as in answers, dont think of those solutions in the laboratory. but im lazy to check with my work because those worksheets are stuck somewhere in my room. anyway, i didn't even wanna download it, i did it just for someone's sake okay! >.<

still stuck on physics after so long. because i really really must use holidays to catch up on it. nevermind, i wont stress myself out. because of the fact that i cant get my ass stuck to the chair for more than 2h straight in the day. my itchy legs just move me here & there though the house is so small and i've explored every single corner of it already. still, the best time for studying is past midnight. i really love the silence of the night! that kinda peacefulness, makes me forget all about the busy city life in the daytime. i simply love it!

i seem to have forgotten all about maths & combined humanities! oh shit. well, frankly speaking, im not so worried about combined humanities at all.

enough of those academic stuffs, which will bother us for like at least 10 years.

1o december today. got star awards 2006 at st. james power station or whatever that place is called lah. i remember jacelyn tay fell while walking out once. anyway, i dont think i'll watch that uber boring show. well, it's like every company has their D&D and whatever days that they will award those worthy of it. and star awards, to me, is just like mediacorp's award to the employees, just that they are trying to get the 'whole world' to know about it. BIG DEAL! and all the voting & such, it isnt worth my money. it's like their company's stuffs, and why should i interfere with it? i dont like mediacorp productions. well, maybe except for the radio stations. seriously, i think they've got a lack of creativity and whatever. i mean.. what the heck! fancy them airing the new show which is something like training those chef-to-be and broadcasting to the whole of singapore and maybe a part of malaysia. it's damn lame lah. they might as well go film an elite from the day he was born till the day he's dead. i said i dont like, i didnt say i hate.. well, im not flaming them. im just trying to point out that a typical busy singaporean student like me hasnt got time to spare for their nonsense. even now, the actors and actresses are being tour guides. WOW! everyone can get close to their idols and appear on tv already. and all the competitions... are you still crazy over taufik batisah or kelvin tan or hady or whatever? i see that their popularity span is like at the most 2 years only, at least for most of them.

tomorrow going to watch 'deck the halls' with mum. LOL! initially wanted to watch with my cousin but her super strict mother didnt allow. Damn!

one fine day during the remaining of the holidays, i should indulge myself in 'The Kway Teow Man'. btw, it's just the site, or in fact, a blog of someone whom i dont know but i still love his posts. some of the posts are really really interesting!

if only there's like some chemistry sites which can arouse my interest... then i wouldnt be so bored during the day. im seriously looking forward to some chemistry fun! maybe i should just go read up on organic chemistry, since that's the first chapter we'll embark on once school reopens.

-.-
how come its back to academic stuffs again?
!!!

anyway, i dont like our school's website. it's so not updated! they're still living in pre-25nov days while everyone else in town, or at least majority, is already awaiting for xmas. i went to check out websites of some other schools and theirs are much better done than ours. they can view their timetables online and dont have to worry about what to bring on first day of school, unlike us. HA! autonomous? o.O

and hopefully another fine day, i should once again go dig out the links of my primary school friends blogs and link them.. so i wont forget it easily. anyway, i found out some interesting stuffs!

a boring start to a "magnificent" new week;
let's treasure the last few moments of 2006!
no regrets as we move on...

2006-12-09T21:45:00.000+08:00

GOSH! this is my 700th post.
since 2 years ago, i started this blog.
that's like so much memories... worth remembering!
yes, all the good & bad times. they're just part of life.

eh.. haha! i think im a curious person. or whatever.
somehow, i like to ask weird questions.
but maybe, some makes no sense? LOL! i dont know.
but as long as it satisfies me. =]

just went blog-hopping & i dug out some primary school mates' links.
its like ages since we last met lah.
im jealous of those people who have primary school class gatherings.
actually i miss them... HAHA! but not all lah.
so far, been in same class with jasmine for 6 years, going on 7th year.

hm.. secondary 3 life is over.
this year has been a roller-coaster, haha!
anyway, im so glad with everything, or most things. initially, i was the slacker type. copying homework, not taking down notes, sleeping during lessons etc. it all showed in the results lah, which wasnt pleasant for me at all. then, i started doing homework on my own, at the expense of not listening during lessons. i started taking down notes, but i practised selective notes-taking. i dont sleep as often but i still continue dreaming. results out, i failed overall because of english. my physics was super bad too. after that 2 wake-up calls, and the real battle began for me. started struggling cos that was when i finally learnt my lesson. i did proper notes. i do homework! i revise for some tests. i was no longer satisfied with just pass grades. turned out, results were still satisfactory. continued struggling, especially with economics. no longer dream during lessons. well, i pay attention during lessons except G's cos of his monotonous voice which can just lull us to sleep. so in order to keep awake, started making laughing at him and playing bingo. results out, it wasn't those type of 100% satisfied feeling. but then, as i've gone thru the process, i was really really delighted. well, then the time of separation came... which i really detest.

that's like a summary of secondary 3 life. i realised, this year is a wonderful year. hmmm.. initially, i liked 3/2 alot, i mean it seriously. later on, because of something before mid-year, i kinda hated the class. after that, i came to accept the class again. now, it's like neutral feelings. i wouldn't say i like the class as a whole, frankly. anyway, i changed my perspective of life. during secondary 2, i was fighting for triple science. by semester 2, i saw that things werent the same as before, i knew i had to give up that hope. and so, i kinda like gave up altogether and ended up getting atrocious results, given my standards. POOF! and i landed in this class. i was intrigued by economics, and i had a change of my wishlist. i had always wanted to go to a poly, but then now, i am aiming for acjc. and i had a passion for chemistry. i also realised that there was much more to life than mere studying. besides slogging for examinations, there was something else i ought to be doing too.. to be qualified as a normal human being. i sorta found out how i can study better. and also, im not overly worried about examinations because i know whatever results i've got, i truly deserve it. even if i fail anything, i know i've done my best.. there's no use regretting, what i can do is just to work harder for the next one. and that's kinda what keeps me going on...

well, having lianglu as a CM last year, i hated him to the core for suan-ing me and everything he had done. then this year, he's not too bad to us. just that i have the bad luck of bumping into him very often, which btw, he says is 'fate'. and he wasnt exactly pleased with my performance this year so we had a so-called 'chat' before the end-of-year examinations. he said loads of crap like he have faith in me and whatever.. then the next day, i behaved really well during his lesson, for like the 1st time in the year. i listened to him and read that chinese book and whatever. at the end of the lesson, he said that was a kinda improvement and hoped to see me carry on like that. BLAH! and everything went on till the day before results were released, he said i did quite okay.

secondary 4 life is gonna start next year. i dont know what to expect. whatever challenges that come my way, im sure i'll give it my 100%. yes, to my fullest potential for whatever that is expected or unexpected. however, i should still always bear in mind the lesson i've learnt. no more late night muggings. it's still better to be always prepared for a test or examination beforehand. i learnt my lesson.. luckily, my a maths results was still okay.. given that i was sick. if not, i would have well... actually i wouldnt do much even if i got something else. frankly speaking, im actually looking forward to the Os.. yes, as much as im not prepared for it yet. because it will spell the end of secondary education! LOL!

speaking so much of secondary 3... yes, it was truly a memorable year. not exactly with the class but it's just memorable on the whole. thinking of all the past events & things. all the funny moments. all the failures.. yes, just the year on the whole. it all sums up to a really really great year 2006, i have not much regrets saying bye to the year and to carry on with the next year 2007.

memories are really worth remembering.. primary school days. HAHA! how different i was back then. i can't remember everything that has happened but primary school days were the worst of my life with the teachers. almost every teacher meant trouble for me. i still remember going 'toilet' during art lessons for the entire lesson every week. i still remember going to the principal office like 5 times, only once was to help out, the other times were because of unacceptable behaviour. i remember always being maligned for all the pranks which werent done by me! i remember disrupting lessons. i remember movies session after PSLE. i remember the time we sprayed water on the floor and used the broom to spread the water so that it can evaporate faster but ended up making the floor black. haha! all the wonderful memories... of course, there were much more. but i just cant remember them at once. how i wish i can see them once again... play with them. primary school days would only rock because back then, we were all still innocent.

but now... things have changed.. we've grown. there's backstabbing and liars and everything. and when we start working, there'll be office politics. haha!

oh yes.. off to complete my geography assignment!

aha.. hoping to go out with lfc soon, i mean soon. boredom has gotten to me already!
possible? not possible? 50-50 chance? i'll wait.................

still waiting...

waiting...

yes i am..

nevermind........

i will continue waiting...

-.-

[evidence of boredom]

2006-12-09T19:32:00.000+08:00

it's another saturday!

i feel kinda high. yeah, after hours of self-entertainment. boredom made me stay awake at the expense of going round the house disturbing my family. sounds kinda childish & so not like what i would do. but, i only do that to people whom im closer with. HAHA! people im closest with, i dont really care too much about offending them, i just add in abit of sarcasm to things i had to say to them. yes, those who've seen the lame side of me are those whom im closer with. others, i dont talk much to, i'll only open my mouth when highly necessary or when they talk to me. hmm, i think i've changed a small tiny bit lah. at least now, i dont just smile at people who say hi & bye to me. i got reply back and sometimes when im feeling good, i wave too. different case for the security guards though. used to talk abit to the peter chin or whatever his name is. but since he left, i rarely talk to the security guard. im not being racist, LOL!

oh yeah.. my xmas gift from my mother -- haircut. i was feeling so random and i asked her when i could get one... -.- then i was too free i wanted to wash my bag, but she stopped me from doing so, say tomorrow then can. i just washed my shoes yesterday.

had such a wonderful night. i stayed till 3am plus to do abit of the geography. now, im only left with a few more questions on plate tectonics, im confident i can finish it by tonight. =] btw, my marianne chong has a weird smell which irks me. oh yeah, now then i realise, cool temperate & cold temperate, textbook and marianne chong offers different explanations. i wonder how people ace geography!

oh yeah, another good thing worth celebrating. stress load, or i mean, work load is lessened. it's not stress load cos i dont feel stress right now. hmm... clara just sms-ed to inform that latimer is fine with us doing only 1 grammar book and 2 vocabulary book. somemore, the 2nd vocabulary book will only be due on the 2nd week of term 1. now, im left with 2 vocabulary books to do. 1 is done quarterway though. yes, im feeling great!

hmm.. gotta go to the temple someday to pray again. and im gonna pass by that new school again. cos i always go to the temple at pandan.

LOL! couz finally coming back on monday, at least that's what she told me. now, i know how those days were like before i knew her... hmmm.. anyway, next year gonna be super boring year for me. the secondary 4s graduate, and then that desiree. keep telling me to do well before the papers start, and then ownself like that. tsk! anyway, i dont think both of you will see this now lah. and also, next year we wont meet as often as this year. so, haha!

holiday homework left to be done - EL [resource file - articles & resource bank] & [assessment], mother tongue [articles].

i think i've become a tad smarter. we need super-ego, but not too much. HAHA! anyway, i said that because i think it's funny that i failed the physics mid-year & the stupid economics essay class test in term 1. i looked through, then some questions are quite easy to me now.

shall go off for dinner now -- steamboat. xP
better than the pizzas we had for the last few weeks.

2006-12-08T10:31:00.000+08:00

URGH! sneezing & sneezing.

oh yeah. the lazy me only went to look at joanna's e-card today. hmm.. okay lah, not that lazy, at least i only received it yesterday. but should have looked at it last night. maybe it would cure me of that headache. well, it's just so damn cute lah!

actually, others also got send me e-cards leh. but i go delete away cos still must download this & that. sounds kinda bad but nevermind lah. at the most, i lose out only mah. i just said im a lazy person, so if you ever want to send me e-cards, make it hassle-free hor. but then, i must first say, if you send me, i won't send you back leh. cos im lazy mah. unless im in a super good mood lah.

counting down 17 days to xmas.
okay.. sometime ago, about 1 month before xmas, someone kept singing xmas songs. eh.. now dont have for so long.

left with only $50 to spend this month. but not exactly, gonna use $20 help people buy things first. so, only $30. but i can survive one. everyday lunch at home mah. my mother bought quite alot yesterday. 2 packets of those instant ramen, then 3 packs of udon. then there's still the fish&chips those kinda fish, then chicken nuggets & hashbrown. so much things to eat. also got fishball and mushroom. but then, no vegetable one. maybe that's the reason why my health is deteriorating lah.

less than 1 year to o levels written papers. in fact, i think at most 10 more months only. shouldn't think so much yet. but then, isn't it good? well, typical students always o levels then worry this & that or whatever. think on the other side lah, the 4 years you've been struggling in the school, then you sit for the o levels and you can end your education life in the school already. its those kinda great feeling lah. but ours about 10 months later then start. nevermind, at least got time prepare. haha! 1 month revise each subject. CH take 2 months revise cos 1 is social studies, 1 is history. eh.. cannot lah, still got prelims. the lazy me, still aiming for L1R5 < 12, say maybe for mid-year only lah. my expectation of myself so low, but nevermind. the higher the hopes, the more disappointment you get.

back to doing physics! i dont regret taking physics, i only regret not taking biology instead of physics. HAHA! life still has to go on no matter what...

2006-12-07T21:01:00.000+08:00

flu & headache.

i'm losing control of my health since the holidays.

please! no more fastfood for me.

xing aiying. though she lost in the end, she's just wonderful! what the heck. i think she seriously has a bright future ahead of her in the field of badminton. given her age, she's superb lah!

2006-12-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

picture taken with previous phone.
my white one beats his silver one!

picture taken with new phone. hmm.. not bad lah.
my box is so huge cos its music edition. haha!

-.-

my brother got the exact same phone as me.
but my memory card is bigger. xP
okay lah, at least different colour.
LOL! he cant use his phone yet. cos hes still in NS.
but ORD next february. so his phone shall just be on display.

gonna go out with mum this thursday, dont know go where though.
next week gonna watch movie with her, cos got complimentary tickets.
she's so BUSY trying to clear her annual leave..

GRR!
gotta open bank account again.
all my mother's fault for closing my previous one.
she's so free to do all this thing lah!
open account then close... if only need to pay penalty.

watching games @ doha.
but at times, it can get boring too!

haha. 6 more days and couz is back.

i realise my physics is so lousy.
but at least, if i really go re-learn, i should average Bs for tests.
what is linearity? i forgot! in fact, i didnt even pay attention...

20 more days for me to complete everything, inclusive of weekends.
went to G's LJ, yeah... if only my holidays can be productive...

oh haha.
i actually sweeped & mopped the whole house today!
see lah.. boredom made me do such things.

im a nocturnal creature.
every night, even 2am still not tired. then i force myself to sleep.
morning, i wake up at like 8plus or 9am automatically.
afternoon, i'll feel so tired but i just cant get to sleep.
but when it's nighttime, i'll be so awake.
-.-

2006-12-04T21:35:00.000+08:00

DAMN! im so bored of everything.

there's nothing to keep me occupied with at all.

i can't believe i sat down & completed 80 vocabulary MCQ today.

chemistry common test next year & im so gonna die cos i dont understand speed of reaction.

with that new phone, im just gonna waste more electricity. the whole day i was either charging phones, using computer, or using the speaker. listening to radio for like hours and playing sudoku because i had nothing better to do.

watched the asian games at doha, the badminton match. it's so not exciting at all. since im so damn bored, i think im gonna stay up till 1130pm to watch the today @ doha show & then at 130am to see the games in action.

im so uber sian-ified because tomorrow's plans are all thwarted. another day of staying home & doing more english, or if not physics. haix.. i think i wanna stop sms-ing her already. it's so bad of me disturbing her everytime, we should keep some distance. im tired of sms-ing her. im just wasting both our time. im taking it all for granted. she shouldn't even have given me her number or replied to my sms-es. i just suddenly wanna stop sms-ing her. our plans on the 28th also thwarted, maybe i think i should not go out with you people. you all just go out with them? i dont think i can make it. even so, i feel weird.

had fastfood for lunch today again. im sick tired of it.

i still dont know how im gonna get to the school next year. 1 thing is that i wont be able to squeeze up 176. but then, i dont know where the other bus-stop is, and im just lazy to go find out.

leading my monotonous life;
procrastinating as much as i ever can.

there's nothing that interests me anymore, not even chemistry. like why should i even care about it? the only reason why i even liked it in the first place was because of that class test after march holidays which i improved tremendously compared to the common test 1. now, there's like nothing, no meaning. there's no such thing called challenging chemistry questions now for me to do or use my brain, and im so bored to death.

everyone's going on holidays ever since start of holidays. 1 came back, then the other leave, then come back and another one leave, its becoming a cycle.

im suddenly showing a lack of interest, sorry.

2006-12-04T09:22:00.000+08:00

"hello, you wanna get a phone plan?"
"huh? anything lah."
"okay, later meet at IMM."

so i went IMM to meet my parents.
then we went to the roadshow.
"choose your new number."
and i chose. there wasnt much numbers.
"take this phone. you want music edition?"
"yes." and i got my new phone & number.

and im lucky lah. mine was the last set.
im happy already cos its music edition.
even though it's not sony ericsson walkman phone.
HAHA! =]

anyway, i feel very pekchek lah.
now got the phone, but i have no music to upload.
all my brother's fault, he & his old songs.

i think my parents are too rich.
they just have to buy something.
at first, they went Sitex to sign on the singtel 10Mbps broadband connection, which is like $80plus per month. then we cannot sign on unless we terminate with PacNet, so in the end didn't sign on. maybe that's why they bought this phone for me. then we met my brother for dinner. and my mother was so impatient with him for not wanting to get a new phone. >.<>

now i got 2 numbers.
but im mainly using the new one.
the old one is just there until it expires.

my parents are so funny lah.
my mother has so much queries, and she kept on asking the busy salesgirl.
then my father keep answering her, and the salesgirl keep saying 'yah, uncle is correct.'
-.-

2006-12-02T15:23:00.000+08:00

boredom has made me such a saddist.

was surfing through the videos at youtube, fishing out clips of people falling and laughing at each and every single of it. i would call it self-entertainment, but it's so bad to laugh at them. i was comparing which fall was the worst. and still got people's teeth fall out.

actually, im not as bad as those people who go take the videos and upload them.

-.-

haix...
back to doing chemistry now!

oh yeah, im so jealous of those students in the NUS High School!
but nevermind, i wouldn't wanna go there.
the thing im jealous about is just chemistry lah!
other things, i don't care.

2006-12-01T11:42:00.000+08:00

WHEW! i can finally breathe in fresh air. this is the day i can finally regard as a holiday. and my definition of holiday is as simple as not having to go to school for lessons or any other mandatory stuffs. so simple, yet this is the only 1st day i don't have to go back to school. oh damn, i think i aint got a life, seriously. today, though i call it the start of holidays for me, im still not parting with schoolwork lah, but whatever, i still say its holiday, call it self-deception. GOSH! people are like having their breaks since so long ago, and me, only now. and i assure everyone everything's gonna go haywire for me on first day of school. i can only take a break away from all these piles of books and notes on 29th december. and i'll only come back on 2nd january, feeling exhausted and tired. damn! latimer told us there's english common test on first day of school, and it's most probably essays. it so directly spells my death lah. you know, i've been failing all my essays and the highest i've ever got this year was 15! and i wrote all those essays seriously. how do you expect me to write a proper essay when i'm so damn tired lah? i think i'll just screw it lah! i can't even think of a proper storyline yet, and of course i won't be able to spin a story. in fact, i hate narrative essays lah. i'm just so gonna die on the first day of school lah!

barely a month left for me to do everything that i ought to do. i dont know how im gonna do it all but i just gotta do it lah! i dont want a repeat of my secondary 2 life next year. im just so dead meat. i think i've only got 3 weeks left for me to catch up with everything, for i won't be free on most days of the last week. i think i've only got 3 weeks of what i can call holidays. and the 3 week holidays, have any idea what i'll be doing? yes, i'll be reading books, doing lots of newspaper articles, revising through the year's work, building up my resource bank, completing 4 english assessment books, practising TYS, looking through the year's worksheets. i think im gonna have such a great time lah! yeah, holidays... what the heck, im lovin' it. no, im not gonna die from stress or homework overload.

anyway, im so glad i survived through all the english remedials for the year of 2006. im her loyal remedial student, attended every single of it since the start of the year till the end of it. i cant imagine it all. the 1st remedial, she was noticing me because i was distracted by something else. till the last remedial, she was still noticing me because she thought i wasnt writing down all the things. BLAH! i didnt even pon any of her remedial or had any thoughts of pon-ing before, even though i hate english so much. and the other teachers are so surprised we're having remedials they thought it's we ownself fix with latimer.

what else can i say? holidays are just holidays. it's just a word, isnt it? why make it so complicated? especially when my vocabulary isnt strong at all, the definition of holidays is just so simple.

1st december already, haven't receive my monthly allowance yet. last night, i dreamt of my father. dream of how i wish our relationship would be better. dream of how we can be like before. dream of how we can talk more. dream of how he is such a great father. dream of how i almost cried in front of him because i was touched. but, will it really happen? last night dinner, we didnt even look at each other, let alone talk. the only thing i told him was 'i've taken a spoon for you.' haix...

my parents are such strange creatures. dont know how long ago, they decided to buy the motorcycle. now, they wanna sell it, and they're gonna make such a great loss.

yesterday, me & peifang were talking, discussing about how we're gonna be like 10 years later. i don't know if it all will happen, but i seriously hope it will really take place 10 years later. i can't imagine how it would be like if we're all separated. couz and ray have already graduated. now, we can still meet because we're not busy yet. but will our friendship be able to withstand the test of time? will we just forget each other soon enough? what's gonna happen to each of us? we all still do not have the answer to it right now. i can only hope for the best that can happen for us. the only comforting thing is that all our parents want us to be in the same occupation. it's weird how all our parents all think alike even though they do not know each other. the only thing that came across my mind is that we can kill 2 birds with 1 stone. we can listen to our parents and get into that occupation, then we can remain friends forever too. but are things that smooth-sailing and simple?

i really wonder why do our teachers choose to be teachers? is it because of their parents? or is it just because of the pay & working hours? im so jealous how they used to be senior & junior in secondary school, and now, they are working together. the only thing is that, maybe they didn't know each other in secondary school? i have no idea about it. but to think of it, im abit jealous how they can remain so good friends. and those that graduated from NIE from the same batch, can remain so good too. sometimes, i wonder, did they ever have a conflict before? it seems as though their friendship is so strong it won't ever be forgotten.

i prefer to have lesser friends, but to whom im closer with. because i hate separation. what's the use of having millions of friends? it's a sure thing that you won't be together forever, unless you're like the king or president or a millionaire. ever since graduating from primary school, i've lost in touch with most primary school friends already. we don't even chat on MSN. there's only 1 guy who was on MSN with me recently. and he has changed so much! all those things he told me, i really have no clue how he became that way. initially, he wanted to come to commonwealth too. if he had come here, would things have been different? even my primary school bestfriend, we don't talk much when we meet on the streets. we've changed to become just mere hi&bye friends already.

10 year down the road...
no one can foresee the future yet.

let's just work hard, and get what we want.
that's the most we can aim for.

2006-11-30T13:39:00.000+08:00

there's this freaking irritating santhi who keeps spotting me for folding shirts. BLAH! i know it's wrong of me to fold my shirt, but is it 100% right for the councillors to wear their ties like as if they're attending fashion shows? i've seen that many times already, and somemore from the secondary 3s. what the heck! i can't even learn from the good examples the councillors are being. if she wanna catch me for folding shirts, call her fucking go sack her councillors first. does she think all her councillors tuck in their shirts properly? it's like i've seen it all for myself, not heard from others. bloody bias creature, i'm not being racist here. if you say im racist for this, then santhi's councillor-ist. and the school said there's fewer people tucking out their shirts because they introduced the new uniform. but from what i've seen, the school has set a new trend - super duper long & oversized shirts that goes all the way to the thighs.

i think she's the only bloody teacher in the whole school who thinks i'm a bad kid lah! anyway, i was once a bad kid, but not anymore. and even if the other teachers don't see me as those guai kia types, at least none of them regarded me as the disobedient type lah. so according to majority, im a guai kia, or at least perceived as such. HAHA!

2006-11-29T23:09:00.000+08:00

i think some teachers are so fun to be with.

mrslohmf isnt so bad, but maybe not exactly fun to be with. during school hours, she may be yelling and scolding for no apparent reason, but after school hours, she's still okay lah. and sometimes, the way she talks just make me wanna laugh too. especially the way she laughs!

hmm.. then most other teachers are quite fine lah, except a few not worthy of mention.

ms ker saw a broom and took it to sweep her area. and ms liao was flipping newspapers. then ms ker passed ms liao the broom and asked her to experiment it. then she said it's like those olden days. and ms liao started talking about the vacuum cleaner and how she's gonna bring it there, instead of using brooms. in fact, she overreacted when ms ker told her she found 1 more broom.

and that ms liao, go round staffroom disturb people and play with those armchairs. in the end, vicki loh had to push those 2 armchairs back to the original place.

ms ker said mr g gonna put a fridge between their area. gosh! i think he's too rich lah. then she called him and they talked. then ms ker complained that the whole morning, she's been getting the same reply that art club stuffs are already shifting, but none of the trucks arrived yet. and ms ker went on to elaborate how free she was until she cleaned their area so many times already. and she added in that it's so comforting to hear that she has cleaned the area so many times, cos they will be sitting together.

oh yes, ms ker did bring the red&green beans detention thing. HAHA! really evil.

then there's this once we went in and walked around the whole staffroom and maybe disturbed zhanglaoshi, and she said we are enjoying free aircon.

ms ker gave me special permission to use handphone in school today. for 1 day only. and only can call her. then suddenly got someone call me and ms liao was beside. and i just so casually asked if i can receive a call. then she said can, so i received it, and then the caller hung up. like DUH! then ms liao was like 'no more already ah?' and she started suggesting me to go under table to receive calls. but she's like weird lah. everytime i use phone in school, she'll say be careful and those kinda things. then if i use right in front of her, i think she dont mind?

initially when we just reached the school, supposed to meet ms ker in canteen, but we saw her coming down the stairs, and we purposely walked away. then we say we wanted to go find ms liao to pass her the 100plus. she said ms liao is upstairs, so we followed her. what happened was that she saw mrsloh at second level and got distracted and walked towards her and started talking, then she asked her 'why did i come here? staffroom on 3rd floor. i saw you here then i also come here.' it's so funny. then went to find ms liao and she invited us to go into the staffroom. and that's when the 2 teachers started to be like so childish.

anyway, can't really remember all the stuffs that happened in staffroom today lah. it's just damn hilarious but i'm also lazy to type out everything that happened. especially those childish things that the 2 teachers did, too much to mention already.

oh yes, 1 thing i shouldnt leave out.
the staffroom actually became alot quieter after ms liao left.

anyway, she was funny this morning too. the bus for the band people already leaving and mr ng was hurrying the few of them. and ms liao stopped her steps immediately when mr ng said the bus was leaving soon. she waited for the other few members to come out and then continued walking. and the way she walked was like she's carrying some toys to distribute to the children, seriously looked like santa claus. bus gonna leave and she walk so slow somemore, it's not like she got drive to school lah.

and the bell in the staffroom was damn loud. freaking irritating too! cos the bell's like so long and so loud that i was waiting and wondering when it would stop. but thumbs up to the good preventive measures, especially some particular teachers who likes to go back to school during holidays just to sleep in the luxury of the free aircon!

enough already. don't disclose so much about the teachers. they need some privacy too!

2006-11-29T20:09:00.000+08:00

today's english remedial was fun as well.
but she was noticing me throughout. BLAH!
i'll survive thru the last english remedial session tomorrow!

i'm so so tired now.
but then, it's all worth it.
so damn fun, and funny too.

100% miss VQJ! LOL!

anyway, went new school today to help ms ker with the art stuffs.
then we were waiting for god-knows-how-long before the things came.
so while waiting, we whiled away our time in the staffroom.
can't stand ms ker & ms liao, both of them are so hilarious.
especially ms liao, she was super crappy. first time i've seen her like that.
she's like so free, go round whole staffroom look for people to disturb.
and most of the time, the noise level was caused by the 2 of them only.
most teachers present were females. and they were freaking out at insects!

apparently, there were some confusions with the art things too.
at the end, art stuffs were stopped! because it is taking up way too much time.
what the heck! that day i saw was like 270plus boxes. now, it's 600plus.
i said art club & library were vying for the title. -.-

went JEC for dinner.
and suay again, saw blah..
anyway, talked so much.

just damn fun day;

2006-11-28T17:51:00.000+08:00

BLAH!
english remedial today changed to 1pm, and only 9 turned up. lesser and lesser of the group is attending. anyway, i like it! today's session is another fun one! but it's like i reached school at 1030am and saw latimer with the group of english teachers. then she so casually asked "it's at 1, right?" then i was like "i thought it's 11?" and she said she just changed it yesterday. she only told a few. and it was lucky she could make it at 1, because she wasn't sure if she could make it. >.<>

tomorrow im reporting to school by 9am, to look for ms ker! and there'll be english remedial from 1030am to 12pm. i wanna help ms ker! (:

once again, utter suay-ness. ran into my dear CM again. it's sad he doesn't know who is jasmine even after 2 years of being her CM cum mother tongue teacher. he only knows 'ming li' and not jasmine.

i've just received 1 piece of great news, really worth me being happy, but somehow, im just not happy & i dont know why. anyway, the edusave scholarship letter found its way to my house again! xP

1 more week for me to chiong my chemistry, shit!

HAHA! mrs loh accidentally said something. and now i know about it. or maybe, she just simply wanted to let me know.

so many teachers in our school getting married this holiday. so they're still as busy! sounds like as if they are over-reacting to the big bonuses & the pay rise. and they are hurrying to get married before next year the GST rises to 7%. LOL! the teachers who are already married are poor things. need to give away so many angbaos.

january 13. im waiting!

saying bye, isnt easy...

2006-11-27T20:16:00.000+08:00

it's finally purple, happy?
nevermind. there's more lime green.
=]

bye to orange & brown now.
bye to old building on 30nov.
and soon, need to say bye to 2006.
why must there be such a thing called separation?

anyway, went to new school today.
i reached like freaking early, IMO.
im supposed to be the late types, who reach right on the dot.
but i left home with my mother, so i reached earlier.

squeezed to get onto 176.
then thru the journey, there was this fat man pressing his stomach on my hand which was holding onto the pole. it's damn irritating! especially when his stomach was like sweating? and making my hand wet all over.
anyway, the bus which i took, many people alighted the moment they saw the building. but i didn't alight yet. im so smart, i alighted at the bus-stop nearer to the school! and it's my first time there only. xP

new school is okay okay lah. the good thing is that it's spacious. but i don't like it for the fact that its designed is just so stereotypical. for the design, i prefer the old building. another thing is that it's damn freaking hot! imagine having examinations in the hall and you're like sweating throughout the paper. there's like only fans at the side? not even any at the back also. but then the classrooms are like full of fans, and teachers have special fans! so unfair. teachers don't pay school fees, they only take monthly salaries and bonuses! nothing much to comment on about the new school. my sweat glands will be hyperactive!

went to library in the afternoon & it was shivering cold.
thank god i brought my jacket along.
morning - hot & afternoon - cold. =O

english remedials resuming tomorrow again.
but it's fine since that passage is quite manageable!

DAMN.
so irritated.
i went for dinner & left the computer on.
my father came to use without asking, i don't blame him. afterall, it's a shared computer and he's my father.
after he finished using it, he go open all my windows to see what i was doing.
then i came back to use it, and the IE connection wasn't working properly for some special reasons only known to my father.
it's just thaaaat pissing me off!

my brother's such a slacker, didn't report for to camp for so many days. but somehow, i prefer him to be home sometime. for the fact he can accompany me and joke with me and make me laugh. nevermind, too much laughters may be abit unhealthy.

anyway, smithy methias tripped on the stairs just now!
"i am going to plant a tree now." - mrs teo
"i thought there's only 1 stairs there?" - yes, our teachers are still unfamilarised with the new school. somemore, it's discipline committee teacher.

freaking irritating IE connection!

one day, im gonna invent a delicacy with the name of 'PURPLE CHOCOLATE', like how there's such a thing called 'PURPLE GOLD' now.

2006-11-26T14:24:00.000+08:00

everything's so weird. somehow, i feel like the world's gonna collapse soon and ill be buried alive with all that english assessments. im spending so many hours per day trying to do english. and at the end of the day, what i just want is my english to improve. for now, even if can get just get a B for english examinations, ill be over the moon. but the situation is that my english results are not stable yet. im either failing or getting Cs. but getting C for english examinations to me now, is sort of lucky already. my mind is filled with schoolwork every moment even though i am still not feeling any stress or pressure. the thing is, whatever im doing, ill have at least 1 english assessment by my side, doing it. its like im doing that as if its a leisure kinda thing, i dont see it as a forced thing. even sleeping, i dream of teachers & school stuffs. this week alone, 3 days i have dreamt of teachers and 2 days i have dreamt of other school stuffs. it seems like my world is just revolving round the word school. and even though im seizing every opportunity available to do schoolwork, i keep telling myself i have wasted the day away before i sleep every night. its just that kinda strange feeling. i have been dedicating all my time to english. im not even bothering about chemistry, which is my favourite subject. and i dont know why... i keep wanting to do chemistry, but in the end, i chose english all the time. theres just this strong feeling in me that makes me pick up the english assessment instead of chemistry stuffs. but then, by hook or by crook, ill still have to do that by early december, which is like 2 weeks left? and somemore, im like staying up late into the night just to do english, something which i have never done before. somehow, i think this holidays, im really set to catch up with all those subjects that needs more catching up with. i have already done all physics tys mcq from unit 1. and im planning another 2 days to do unit 2 and 3. i think this holidays is the weirdest im gonna survive through. ive never went back for remedials during nov holidays before, but this time, im going back all the way until nov ends. yes, and its just for english. i dont know why i keep mentioning the word 'english' too. maybe im starting to take a liking to this subject... its absolutely weird how i can be stuck at home doing schoolwork the whole day and not even complain or feel tired or stressed. and its like i went westmall on my own that day, i walked there. then another day, i went to the library on my own. i think im like starting to go places on my own, even though it can be super boring, but i just enjoy the peacefulness of it all. somehow, i just feel as though i have unlimited time on my hands... but then to think of it, im gonna feel out of place when i cant rush my homework the night before school reopens like ive always been doing.

the year 2006 is like coming to an end in about 30plus days. and another reason why im gonna feel weird is that this is the first time im not gonna spend the new year in singapore in like my 15 years of living on the earth. 2007 is fast approaching, and i have no plans or any new year resolutions yet. at the most, only those things under my wishlist in the blog, which is basically all to do with school. first, improving english. thats more of a NEED, it shouldnt even be a want. im just so desperate for that B for english. it all started last end of year when i wrote totally out of point for essay and the marker failed my essay badly with like 7 to 9 marks. but then my overall for english eoy was still like 52, so if i didnt fail that essay, i could have gotten like probably a B for my eoy last year. and it was like my CA2 marks for english last year was 69. i just dont know what happened. the only thing i know is that its scary. maybe its because i cant pick myself up from the failure yet, or maybe its just im not used to latimer yet. second, its L1R5<12.>

i feel there's quite little holiday homework actually, though im still left with alot to do.
1. News Articles - English, Chinese, Economics.
2. Chemistry Self-study: Nitrogen & Sulphur.
3. Geography TYS MCQ [which i hope i can finish by Tuesday]
4. English Assessments + Resource Bank.

2006-11-26T01:49:00.000+08:00

stuck at home doing english the whole day.
need to complete 4 assessment books by 28th, before i leave.
>.<

GRR! actually wanted go SDC tomorrow.
since there were free tickets. i was quite interested.
but.. im not going. cos i cant find companion.
think it's gonna be another day stuck doing english again.
since my parents will be out like almost the whole day...

had pizza for dinner! xP
im tired of fastfood.

today was school open house at the new site.
not even interested to go at all.
my curious brother keep asking how's it like.
i told him to go check it for himself, but he's lazy.

monday need to wake up early again. maybe 7am?
and lucky english remedials for rest of the week is still at old site!
means i can wake up late & go out late.
im starting to like comprehension, because she's giving easy passages!
grammar & vocabulary exercises are driving me crazy though.

anyway, i went popular that day. saw the geography guides, which seemed quite good. but im not gonna get it lah, waste of money only. why invest all my money on education right? humans need entertainment!

oh yes, i was really rushing my homework the other day at the library. within 90 minutes, i finished 2 baozhangbaodao and 1 yingyongwen. now for chinese homework, still left with the 8 news articles. 1 fine day, i shall do ALL articles, inclusive of every subject that's needed.

hmm.. the civil servants are really getting big bucks! not long ago, say that their overall year bonus would be 2.7. then now, civil service salaries likely to go up. i think we can omit the word 'likely'. =] our teachers are all gonna be so rich when next year starts. maybe the staffroom will be full of all their new stuffs. BUT... teachers dont get among the highest salaries lah.. its just their monthly salaries are higher than my parents'.

my life revolves round nothing;

2006-11-23T15:36:00.000+08:00

somehow, i pity the artclub vice-chairman.

here's her story she told me today...
around 1030am, there was a phone call. she received the phone call and was shouting into the phone like a maniac, especially so when she's the only person at home. the caller introduced herself/himself as ms ruth ng and demanded her to go back to school like NOW! so she didn't even have time to bathe and only had a change of clothes then rushed to school. she climbed the 5 storeys all the way to artroom and reported. she was given a job of dry-cleaning all the 15 display stands outside the artroom, albeit there were only 14. as she was cleaning, 1 of the school-employed cleaners asked her for help to carry those stupid artpieces. she had to carry it and walk backwards and be careful not to break it. then, back to dry-cleaning. she said it was disgusting. most of them were rusty, and there were spiders and moth. after she cleaned them, she had to tiptoe so high to clean the tops of many cupboards. after that, she had to drag 1 box of dont-know-what backwards again. i thought she's lucky she didn't fall. after that, it was almost 1pm. she helped the artcoordinator write some stuffs and rushed to 3/3 for english remedial. after she reached home, she cooked herself a very simple meal which was instant noodles. it was already 3pm when she ate her breakfast/lunch/brunch/teabreak. i somehow pity her, holidays still like that. no doubt last time around jan to feb i didn't eat anything for recess or lunch, but that was schooldays. you see, holidays has completely lost its meaning to the artclub vice-chairman. it's like suddenly the whole artclub ps her those type of feeling. she was the only 1 helping while others were already not in singapore or were leaving singapore. only until she almost completed cleaning the 15 stands, that secondary 1 member came to do something, in the luxury of the aircon room somemore!

she saw 2 teachers whom she liked, but didn't even talk, let alone smile. maybe say got talk abit to 1.

she also told me ruthng showed her the plan of the new school building. there's like 8 blocks? block A to block H. then most of the CCA rooms are located in block H, if she didn't remember wrongly. then most of the classrooms were in block D & E or block C & D, but there were a few other classrooms in another block. other than that, she forgot about the other rooms. she may be going back on the 29th of november to help a teacher, i suppose, but from what i heard, ruthng didn't call her back on that day, so she's fortunate even though she's most probably gonna be listening to her instructions again. then, she may be going back to the new school building on either the 5th or 6th of december to find a teacher. let's pray hard together that she doesn't lose her way in the new school building then. also, she's most likely not gonna be free on the 12th of december. well, the date hasn't been confirmed yet. and, she will be MIA from 29th dec all the way till school reopens. so please, no last minute reminders about this & that hopefully.

that day, she also saw the school's pamphlet. on it was written 'concept by gerald ajam', whoever that is im not sure. i think it should be 1 of her teachers. anyway, she said the pamphlet's quite nice? sort of unique because it's round shaped, unlike the usual rectangular shaped types. however, she said that if someone opens up the pamphlet, it's quite long compared to a normal one. but overall, she commented it's quite nice even though she has absolutely no clue why gerald ajam was the person who designed it, instead of that artcoordinator or some other IT personnels in the school.

oh yes, it seems as if there's some competition between the artroom & the library. both are vying to get the title of 'most boxes used for moving'. the library has a record of at least 300, or probably more? while the artroom has at least 270plus...

haven't been to the new school compounds yet and am not planning to too. i shall only find myself in the vicinity of the new school compounds on the 27th of november. im planning to take 176 there, which i suppose by the time it reaches my stop, will be quite packed. so i suppose i gonna be late, given that lady luck is not on my side!

the only thing i heard about the new school is that the classrooms will be 1 and a half times bigger than the ones at the current site. then of course, there'll be more fans for better air circulation. then also heard that there's gonna be the raised platform in front of the classrooms, not sure true or not though. btw, just a note, info found on this site has found to be never 100% accurate.

yes! i completed economics notes last night.
planning to do some chemistry stuffs.

seems like i won't be free on most days.
24nov - english remedial
27nov - school migration
28nov - english remedial
29nov - english remedial
- may be helping teacher
30nov - english remedial
5dec or 6dec - may be finding teacher
12dec - date not confirmed
29dec - hiatus mode
02jan - back in sg
03jan - new academic year

i should be getting my english assessment books either tomorrow or saturday. if tomorrow, i'll go alone. if it's saturday, most probably going with mother. so, that leaves me with 27 days when im free. but 1dec, there's the economics thingy need to go his LJ see and will at least take 1 day to complete the thingy. then, i also need to set aside at least 1 day to pack my stuffs for going to malaysia. so, that leaves me with 25 days to concentrate on studies! i'll take 1 day to catch up with ALL the english & economics news articles. then, at least 3 days to complete all the homework, including chinese. that's down to 21 days. plus 25th dec is christmas so i may or may not be free, depends on everything. then it's down to 20 days! 20 days to complete 4 english assessment books. that may well mean 1 book in 5 days, worst than Barrons. also, i need to study for other subjects too right! and need do practise questions for other subjects too right! so you see how packed this holidays is. frankly speaking, the busiest holidays i've ever had, to the extent i try to my very best to squeeze in time to do this and that. GOSH! can't imagine. but nevermind, after that continuous struggle, within 1 years time, we're all gonna have the whole world of time on our hands. so let's suffer together first & rejoice later. 1 year doesn't seem too long right? it's bearable.

wow.
what a long post!

and is band really not having any overseas trip?
i think im really gonna roll on the floor laughing.
at first, it was australia. it sounded damn cool!
then, it was too expensive. may be changed to thailand.
well.. still okay. at least it's plane trip, even though 2h.
now, no band trip? only band camp?
it's so damn hilarious when i gotta know about it.
but im also not sure if it's true. HAHA!

oh yes, btw speaking of it, im only going to genting. >< go till tired already and still going there. but this time, there's only 7 of us going together. 4 adults, 3 teenagers, 5 females, 2 males. it's gonna be super boring. only 3 of us playing. and my cousin told me it's bcos our parents wanted us to get closer with each other, like how we used to be. it's like so DIAO, seriously. anyway, i can already predict what's gonna happen during those few days. so i shall blog first in case i got no time to blog when i get back cos school will start. so yes, here i go. 29dec night, go to golden mile complex take bus. midnight reach genting. shucks! that means most probably gonna take the old cable car? means squeezing with everyone & no seats! no, i shall hope bus go genting direct in such cases. after that, check in to hotel probably already 4am? then sleep until at least 10am or maybe till 12pm and go for meals. we'll either go bowling or go catch a movie or just shopped around the whole day. then we'll sleep early, probably around 9pm. next day, 30jan, most probably gonna wake up at 6am. then we'll wash up and this & that and by the time, it's 7am we'll go for breakfast until it's 8am when the theme park opens and we'll PLAY! lunchtime, we'll most probably settle for fastfood. then, we shall go for bowling & maybe the indoor rockclimbing? after which we shall go play again until dinner time. then, dinner will most probably be those zhu chao or foodcourt. then play until theme park closes, either 12mn or 1am. after that, we'll go back and bathe and maybe only sleep at 2am? then next day wake up at 6am and the routine continues again until the day we're coming back. it's so standard procedures everytime we go there. 3jan im gonna be super tired and exhausted that i'll most probably be in dreamland while the teachers are coming in one by one and saying 'four-two, this year got O levels, it's a crucial year. you all cannot play like last year anymore..........' also, i'll maybe be dozing off when the principal is making her welcome speech again. i think i'll reach home late on 2jan cos there's bound to be jam.

no time to meet up with primary school friends! damn.

anyway, im so disheartened my mother doesnt allow me to go ACJC! i think i'll be reconsidering entering a poly. it's not that bad afterall. even if i go JC, i'll suffer like hell cos of GP what. at most, i'll just give up my interest of economics and go pursue chemistry, whatever courses available, in poly. i really don't wanna go JJC or PJC lah. just cause my damn brother went to SAJC and complained about the christian stuffs and that he did badly for his As until cannot retain and cannot go U then can only go poly and waste his 2 years of JC, then my mother dont want me to go ACJC bcos she thinks it's only for the rich. i thought education in singapore is not only for higher-income families? since secondary 2 or around there, i've been aiming to go ACJC and now, i know my dreams of entering that JC is gonna be shattered. what's the point of slogging my guts out and studying so hard? my brother is like totally different from me can! he used to be smart ass in primary school that's why my parents just think he's forever smart. and im always the stupid one. then my brother got 252 for PSLE, inclusive of the hmt bonus. i got 246 but i dont take hmt cos i dont qualify for EM1. so i came to commonwealth secondary. 2 times different people has asked why i dont go bphgs, but i think it would be like hell if i go there. my parents will most probably say so stupid still go there or give comments of this sort. then my brother entered commonwealth secondary special stream while i entered express stream only. after secondary 1, i was given chance to take higher mother tongue but i decided not to. after secondary 2, i told my mother the streaming results. my brother heard it and he was saying take 9 subjects so what? economics no use one. in fact, many of my relatives were against me taking economics, they say i will fail badly and stuffs like that. at the end, i got those kinda results for MYE and EOY. then my mother compared with my 2 other cousins, 1 from RVHS, the other from PRCSS. RVHS overall % got 69 and L1R5 was 13. PRCSS overall % was 70 and L1R5 was 14. my mother was saying im so lousy and stuffs like that even though our L1R5 same. then that day she called me i told her my position thru phone she don't even wanna believe. she say if like that, then it must be commonwealth secondary very lousy. i just feel so sad. it's so super hard for me to prove my worth. i got those awards but so what? my brother keeps saying he was supposed to get for primary 4 but he forgot the date then didn't go CC take. then my mother helped him by saying it's all because he entered special stream. if he go express stream, he sure will get. like what the heck! go commonwealth secondary express stream really very lousy meh? just cos my term 1 results... it's like what the heck! i think many teachers probably changed their impressions of me already but my family just cant. earlier this year, mrs loh told joanna to coach me in maths. but so what? when she gave me back my EOY e maths p2, she said it helped me pull up alot. some teachers also said abit positive comments. but my parents? my mother was telling my relatives that i have no heart in studying. if i really 100% study, then i will get even better results. no doubt about it, but she didn't see that for semester 2, i really struggled alot just for that. it's so discouraging! it's like i told her different school different standards what. and she say RUBBISH! what the heck! it's like RVHS cousin's results can fit into top 25% of cohort. it's quite good lah, given that it's RVHS! then PRCSS cousin's results can fit into top 25% of cohort, please loh, it's just neighbourhood school. then me, just nicely fit into top 10% of cohort. but so what? she thinks the PRCSS one who got 70% overall and fit into top 25% of a neighbourhood is still better than me and the RVHS one. it's like bloody hell. our L1R5 still the same right? she go what JC is use overall percentages instead of L1R5 one? somemore, both of them taking triple science and im taking triple humanities. is there even basis for comparison? im so tired of all these things. no matter how hard i try, they think im the most stupid, most useless. everytime when i go out with them, my relatives will make fun of me, say i don't do housework. it's like shit! i wash my own clothes & iron them myself, it's just they don't know. and my mother? for god's sake, she doesn't even mop or sweep the floor at all. it has always been my father doing these chores. after dinner, it's also my father who wash up the dishes. for my cousins, it's their mother doing it. and somemore, they have their mother with them all the time cos their mother dont work. for me, i dont. and you know why i started washing and ironing my clothes? its all bcos when i was in primary 5 or primary 6, my mother keeps getting hospitalised every now and then. so i started learning to do all these things on my own. i also wash my shoes myself, just that i dont wash so often. then now, my mother's no longer that way but i still do those things myself. but so what? my relatives just keep touching my hand and say its smooth. what the heck! are you just jealous i've got smooth hands and you've got rough hands? i feel so... my cousins come from rich families, they have their mothers at home all the time. me? my mother doesnt want me to go ACJC just cos she believes its for rich people. then everytime after school, i hate coming home to this lonely house. i'll be exceptionally lonely for hours until my mother comes back and shout at almost everything i do while my father just sits there and make things worse. why cant they just believe i can be smarter than my brother too? just cause he was from EM1 and i was from EM2, just cause he was from special stream and i am from express stream. to them, im just a useless & brainless creature. to my relatives, im someone who doesnt deserve being offered to take hmt & economics.

i should go get a refreshing bath right now!
to save electricity, i won't switch on water heater.
specific heat capacity of water so large.

oh yes.
secondary 4s having prom night today.

have fun;

if it means pursuing chemistry, it also means giving up economics. it means forgetting everything about economics. it means leaving economics. it means sacrificing economics for chemistry.

2006-11-21T16:47:00.000+08:00

BAH! there wasn't english remedial today.

so i decided to walk to westmall to return books.
walked there, haven't 10am, but go return books.
then from there, walked back home.
immediately i reached home, received call then rushed out.
rushed back to school the moment i reached home.
after that, lazed around the school, go be PI like that.
yeah lah, wandering souls back to do their duty.
so don't say we're irresponsible! now only 3 souls though.
then helped audrey tham sort the english stuffs.
after that go tell audrey we finished, then saw ms liao.
she go pressed lift already then walk down stairs with us.
walk till outside HOD room then she realised she overshot.
so we ownself walked off, leave her alone.
she drove passed us. weird, her windows all down.
then we walked up and down, decide where to go.
finally went westmall, cos 187 came first.
after that, went for lunch @ koufu again but eat different things.
then i ate very slow, so end up talking and laughing too.
finished lunch and slacked around westmall.
go stand outside coffee bean stare inside to find people.
go NTUC. can't find mushroom. in the end, it's so near entrance.
after that, go bus stop & wait for 187 & go home.
reached home already 4pm. bathed & come online.

at night gotta do economics notes again. BORING!
hopefully can finish by like thursday.
then will do notes for the geography the oil chapter.
after that, still must go learn my physics back from term 1.
haix... why my physics lan? why can't be chemistry?
at least chemistry then liao would go thru with us.
but nevermind, persevere for physics!
others next time then say, if not sure won't complete above tasks.

it's raining again.
just now go out, also never rain.
reach home already, then rain.
must be a type of blessing.

"want then do in the dark, more fun. and dont make too much noise, later people know."
watch horror movie only mah. got wrong meh?

i really very suay.
go outside staffroom only then saw lianglu.
damn! we just very fated lah.
back to the old days;

2006-11-20T10:34:00.000+08:00

early in the morning, i got a scare.
joanna sms-ed me asking if there was english remedial.
apparently, there wasn't.
lucky for me. i just woke up when she sms me.
and jasmine copied the timings from me too.

my messy table. =]
with piglet motivating me to study, every night! -.-

books all over the place.
apparently, the bookshelf isn't enough yet.

still more to come...

stacking books all over the place doesn't help.

the solution was to dump them in cupboards.
far away from sight. =]

so neatly arranged.
because i seldom touch them!

files & more books!
and post-it notes, part of my life...

my brother's cheating calculator.
my cheating calculator is with couz!

3 consecutive years getting scholarship award.
HAHA! don't ask me why last year don't have...

wasted $43 on this book.
which apparently was of no use at all.
as quoted from the teacher "it's only reading for interests."

i wasn't joking about the stack of books!

many MCQs taken from this stack.
but that's A levels stuffs.

files full of notes + JC textbooks.

see! my room full of books!
however, i'm never gonna be a part of the 'deprived childhood' group in class.

oh ya ah!!
couz still owes me my cheating calculator!
and couz so good somemore.
say wanna buy new phone for me.
i know your yan guang very good.
-.-

anyway, my mother said my father said he wanna buy me new phone.
but my mother said my father said i gotta pay myself.
it's so tiring to type 'my mother said my father said' everytime...
my mother's playing the role of a mediator.
i'm not bothered with this anyway, cos i know most probably end up won't buy.
HAHA! and as long as this phone is still functional, it's okay with me.
well, except for calling people accidentally all the time...

2006-11-19T11:36:00.000+08:00

actually, i do not need to do well for O levels.
there's no high expectations of me at all.

i mean... well, people are stressed because their siblings are like 6 to 8 pointers those type. my brother's a 12-pointer! so... where does that leave me? 11-pointer might just be enough to please my parents. HAHA! and my mother doesn't want me to get into the JC that i badly wanna get into. she wants me to go into PJC or JJC. so i can max like 15 points for my L1R5 and appeal into PJC, right? no way, i'll just go to a poly straight in such cases.

anyway, what i want others to know is that so what if you have a sibling that's like 10-pointer or lesser? it doesn't guarantee you'll be the same. everyone specialises in different areas. what for go stress yourself up just because your siblings are so super intelligent? so what if you're from the same family? big deal?

yes, i know parents don't understand that they can have 1 super intelligent child and the other as an average child. but, what's the point stressing yourself out to get that straight A1s and leave yourself with a secondary school life you would never want to remember? it's so pathetic.

education in singapore = moulding future of nation?
not exactly. i see some smart asses who are so bloody hell rude!

got wits so what? big deal?

i remember primary six injection. the nurses commented on how smart & brave we are despite us being EM2 stream and 4th class in level. know what? 6A and 6B and part of 6C people were crying. if you are intelligent enough, you should know that crying doesn't alleviate the pain of the injection, or maybe i'm stupid that's why i didn't know it actually helps.

i somehow hope our class can be like my primary 6 class.
even though we were from the 4th class, our highest in class was like 252.
i know it's not exactly good compared to many of the people in commonwealth secondary school cos most people were from like top 2 classes of their primary schools?
the primary 6 class is really one of the best class i've been in.
people knows how to enjoy life at least. and knows when to study too.

2006-11-18T15:42:00.000+08:00

its getting boring at home!

cos i'm the only living thing in it...

must do homework;
which is such a chore.

i feel weird thinking of 4/2'07 somehow.
even my geography textbook, i wrote 3/2.
there's something within that holds me back from writing 4/2.
maybe things have passed by too fast.

from the first time i stepped into this class,
and till yesterday i stepped out from the class.
it's just weird!
somehow, it still doesn't feel like a class yet.
but then, 1 year's already over.
whether you like it or not, there's only 1 more year.
i don't know how things may change next year.
but i'm just praying for the best.

there's not many days that we can still step into that particular classroom.

next year, wholly different environment & pace of learning.
i wonder if i can adapt.

as we're preparing for the next academic year at another premise, i have not much memories to bring with me. there's only this limited amount of memories which i find meaningful. the rest, shall be left in the old school building, and i shouldn't think of them anymore. it's sad there's so few things from this class this year that's worth remembering. however, it's not a surprise to me.

we are giving ourselves too many chances. we are cheating ourselves. we are coming up with the excuse "i did not want to come to this class in the first place." to account for our results. overall, the fact remains that we still do not accept coming to this class or we still cannot accept everyone involved in this class for who they are yet. it's a tragedy. we should just blame ourselves. we should be responsible for ourselves. we should help ourselves.

the hopes & expectations of being in 3/2'06 still seems as fake as ever. 1 year has passed and few of the expectations are met. it wasn't even supposed to be a 10-word sentence kinda thing, yet so many people came up with sentences lesser than 10 words. we rushed to get it done. we didn't even think at all. it's just that fake! does everyone still remember the 2 expectations & hopes they've penned down? was it achieved? or did you simply forget about it?

i see no wrong with those that demands better teachers. but that's a bit selfish. being in 1 of the best class doesn't necessarily mean we need to have 1 of the best teachers for each subject. and even at the end of the year, it's still a shame how our class did overall. i think we all just died together for the end-of-years. i can see that a portion of the class isn't even interested in lessons or teachers at all. so what's the use of getting the better teachers? it's just gonna be a waste that the teacher is teaching our class because at the end, we're just gonna fail with F9s to disappoint the teacher as much as we can.

learning economics may be 1 of the things i have never regretted by far, but coming into this class might actually be something i'm regretting.

at the beginning of the year, it was nice to see the class filled with enthusiasm for each and every lesson. but it seems some people cannot tahan it anymore, they are sleeping, chatting among themselves, laughing, disturbing others, copying homework already. we can no longer be punctual for lessons anymore. there's no enthusiasm for learning anymore. even the worse thing is people resorting to cheating just for the As. have we ever submitted our work as a class on time? when was the last time we did that? do we really deserve it when mdm quek praises us after each lesson? or do we deserve ms kokila's scoldings more? it's really a shame that we cannot learn.

everytime the class is clean, who do we have to thank? kornelius? mdm quek? mr liang lu? was there ever class spirit? what was the thing that we have done together as a class? perhaps making fun of teachers? i'm sorry if i don't participate in the class activities, because i'm already unwilling to do it. and that's why i said there's nothing much worth remembering.

i hate post-examination periods when we receive results. it's normal that everyone is excited or tensed up or scared or just praying hard. it's normal that teachers come in and announce the number of passes & failures, distinctions, and what's the highest score etc. it's normal that teachers would at least wear a smile on their face and scold us later on. but it's abnormal in our class. ms kokila just came in and nag, exactly what she did after mid-year. ms liao came in to distribute our papers without saying anything regarding the paper. mr g came in and slam the stacks of papers on the table and announced class msg for economics was 6. mr liang lu had to say we all did well for chinese only because the marker was extremely lenient. if this goes on, when the day we go back to receive our o levels results arrive, the principal will be mentioning all about the other classes and ignoring the existence of 3/2. the teachers teaching our class would have no face to show up.

failing at least 1 subject per person is a norm for our class. we no longer get the thrill of failing anymore, we are no longer worried and scared about failing. we are numb to it already. we strictly believe our brains should not be contaminated by all the unsuitable materials we are taught in school. we have no morals. we are rude to our teachers. we are racist. we make fun of people simply because we detest them. we are not responsible for our own actions. we do not care about others' feelings because it's supposed to be a world of our own. we do not know what's the meaning of punctuality. we blame others as much as possible. we lie and come up with excuses to escape from as many things as possible. it's a trait in this class.

moving on to the next year, will we be proud to be part of the first triple humanities class in singapore or will be proud that we are disappointing as many as we can?

2006-11-17T20:09:00.000+08:00

last day of holidays lesson!

no english again.
><
but i still gotta go for remedials, anyway.

seems like so few yet so much homework.
it sounds so oxymoronic...

(i) English Resource File
- Newspaper articles
- Research
- Resource Bank
(ii) MT
- 2 essays(?)
- 1 yingyongwen(?)
- 8 news articles
- book review
(iii) Chemistry
- Nitrogen & Sulphur Self-study
- 5 WS @ AskNLearn
(iv) A & E Maths
- 1 practice paper each
(v) Geography
- MCQ for ALL physical geography topics
(vi) Economics
- Project [Details on 1st Dec]

think that's all.
don't have the list with me so i don't know about chinese.
so fortunate there's no essays, except chinese. ><
i was expecting G to bomb us with those journals for economics, but apparently he didn't!
=]

yesterday was so so so funny!
kokila's expression when she saw mdm quek 'appearing out of nowhere'.
HAHA! i think she got a scare of her life.
but then her expression was really exaggerating.
gosh.. i couldn't stop laughing then.

took class photos with janet tay and irene lim.
sounds kinda strange leh...
they teach us for 3 weeks, we take photos with them.
other teachers teach 1 year, we never think about photo-taking.
but it's always like that..

YAY!
irene gave us early dismissal today.

HMPH!
couz so bad.
laugh at people zao xia.

xP